Take something must be taken by the person he designates, otherwise, cry!
Wear shoes must first wear the right foot, otherwise, noisy!
Toys must be placed in a fixed "home", otherwise, noisy!
Are these "unreasonable troubles" of children really "unreasonable"? Not really. In fact, this is the child maintaining his own "sense of order".
"Sense of order" is a harmonious and orderly requirement for the spatial layout, form of existence, belonging or order of events of things, and children in the early stage of school are in such a sensitive inner world, so there is a "sensitive period of order" proposed by the Montessori school of education.
Especially 2-4-year-old children, will be very interested in the orientation of the items in the home, the order of doing things, the attribution of all items, etc., and form a preconceived stereotyped sense of order for these things, and think that this order is immutable. This is the pattern of memory formed in the past, and it must be so now.
So, how should parents understand this psychological characteristic of their children and adopt appropriate parenting strategies according to the specific situation? We will use a few issues to reveal the secrets for you.
Typical manifestations of a child's sense of order
To correctly treat the child's "sense of order", we must first correctly distinguish whether the child's "spilling" behavior is unreasonable or "order sensitive". There are many manifestations of a child's sense of order, the most typical of which are as follows:
1. "Stereotyped" requirements for environmental layout
Dad returned from a business trip, as soon as he entered the house, he was anxious to hug the baby, and casually put his coat on the arm of the sofa, and the baby cried and made a big fuss. It wasn't until the mother took the coat and put it back in the bedroom that the baby gradually quieted down.
After the child is born, the fixed furnishings in the surrounding environment will often gradually become part of the order of his life. And when the pattern he has become accustomed to is broken, there will be anxiety and uneasiness, and even crying. As you age, your child may restore something to its original location when it finds it out of its usual place. It is also a sense of order that governs his behavior.
2. Extreme sensitivity to the ownership of things
Grandma came from her hometown to visit the 2-and-a-half-year-old Meng Meng, and when she entered the door, she took off her shoes and put on the slippers that her mother usually wore. The little guy immediately began to cry, lying on the ground and asking Grandma to return the slippers to His Mother...
Under the influence of the sense of order, preschool children are often very sensitive to the attribution of specific objects, thinking that a certain object in the home belongs to whom, that is, who, others can not use, otherwise, it is to destroy the law of the existence of things, it is worth correcting and maintaining.
3. Perfect requirements and pre-design of the program
Every day when her mother came back from work, 3-year-old Jiajia had to rush to open the door for her mother. One day, when my mother rang the doorbell, Grandpa just happened to be at the door and opened it first. At this time, Jiajia stopped drying, and cried loudly, and had to push her mother out, close the door, and let her reopen.
After the child gets used to the specific procedure for the occurrence of the event, he will gradually prefer that arrangement, and once adjusted, he will become anxious. Moreover, children in the early school period, due to the existence of self-centered thinking, tend to impose their will on the rules of development of things, and will expect the process and results of the development of specific things. Once the development of things is contrary to their own expectations, the child will feel that the sense of control over the outside world is out of control, which will cause inner uneasiness, and even crying, spilling and other behaviors.
First, the value of "sense of order" to children's growth
The sense of order is actually the child's initial internal logic, which has a very important value for the child's growth, at least three aspects that cannot be ignored:
1, orderly, more secure
Due to the weak feeling at the beginning of life, young children will be very much expected that the operation of the surrounding things can happen according to expectations after getting used to the daily arrangements in the parenting environment, so that they can feel that they have the ability to control life, and once this order experience is challenged, the child will become very uneasy and doubt the sense of security of the environment. Therefore, for children, an orderly living environment is the basis of their sense of security.
2. Disorder, destroying the "three views"
Because there are requirements for the environment and the order of life, in the eyes of children, everything is right and wrong: things placed in this place are right, and placed in that place is wrong; Daddy's stuff, Grandpa can't use, Mom can't use; Someone rang the doorbell, I should open the door, you can't open it...
This kind of requirement for the form of existence and the order of occurrence of things is the process of the child's understanding of the world, and it is also the child's initial awareness of rules, and it is also the basis of his outlook on life, morality, and worldview.
3. Cultivate a sense of order and live in an organized manner
Children in the role of the sense of order, often think that the world is in accordance with a specific order, if parents can respect this characteristics of the child, according to the situation, try to establish a scientific law of the child's schedule, arrange a neat and orderly family environment, care for the child's property rights and homecoming awareness, then the child is more likely to develop orderly living habits.
Second, how to meet the child's "sense of order"
A sense of order is a need in a child's life, and when it is satisfied, true happiness can be produced. However, when children show the behavioral characteristics of the order-sensitive period, many parents will think that the child is making unreasonable trouble, feel impatient, and even criticize and reprimand the child's "inappropriate" behavior, so that the young children who have just entered the order-sensitive period cannot fully appreciate the beauty of growth, thus becoming chaotic, lonely, and no longer have the courage to explore the unknown. Therefore, when the child is happy to do something about order, the parent may wish to meet his needs.
1. Try not to change the child's parenting environment as often as possible
When parents are unable to take care of their children at work, they take the approach of taking turns raising their children in grandma, grandma and their own home. As everyone knows, this is a very harmful approach to the child's sense of order, especially for children in infancy, frequent changes in the living environment will make it difficult for children to have a stable experience of order, and then impact their sense of security in the world. Therefore, for the sake of protecting the child's sense of order, after the child is born, it is best to let him grow up in a relatively stable living environment.
2. Strive to establish a scientific order of life and rest
Children naturally like a regular life, parents may wish to take advantage of this, since the birth of the child, help him establish a reasonable, scientific order of work and rest, so that the child gradually adapts to this regular life, laying the foundation for good living habits in the future.
3. Create a clean and orderly living space environment
A clean and orderly living environment is more likely to make children in the sensitive period of order feel comfortable, and the daily necessities at home are best placed in an orderly manner, and attention is paid to returning to the position in time after each use. Especially children's things, pay more attention to the orderly placement, do not change their position casually.
Children in the sensitive period of order are often willing to maintain this neat pattern, and parents can guide them to pack up toys and daily necessities on their own, so that children can form neat and orderly habits.
4. Respect children's property rights sensitivity
After the child is sensitive to the ownership of a specific item, parents should pay attention to respecting this sensitivity, try not to confuse the ownership of the item, and can not suppress the child's claim to distinguish ownership, otherwise, the child can easily obtain a consciousness: the ownership of the item can be very confusing. This is not a good thing for children to develop their own sense of ownership, one is easy for them to develop the bad habit of taking other people's things at will, and the other is easy to make them dare not defend their legitimate rights and interests when they grow up.
5. Understand the child's requirements for the procedure
When the child cries because the program that has been used to or expected in the mind is broken, the parents should understand the child's strong demands for order, patiently deal with the problem, and "restart" is usually a very effective solution. In the case of not being able to "start over", it is also necessary to do a good job of explaining, in this way, the child may not buy it immediately, still crying, but this is a healthy pain, the child in the process of catharsis, will also slowly understand that some things can not be repeated.
Parents' understanding and patience often give children more courage to face, and even can start methodical thinking, and behavior becomes "normal".
6. Enhance children's flexibility
Take your children out for a walk, feel the people, things, and things in different environments and families, and help children realize that the "order" of others and their own "order" can be different. With the enhancement of children's sense of independence, children can distinguish between "self" and "others", can "follow the customs" wherever they go, and can quickly adapt to the "order" of different things and characters.