"Waiting in Life" | text: There is a covenant in this life
"When I grew up, I waited countless times in my life."
/01/
How many times in life have you waited, I can't guess, I can't guess, but I can't be an exception.
When I was a child, my mother went to Lanzhou, reluctant to let me but could not take me, in those days when my mother decided to go, she went in and out, long and short sighs, her abnormal performance at that time I did not understand, I only remember that before going to bed she dragged me into her bed, one day at dawn I woke up early, the wind is blowing the window ledge buzzing, my mother is in tears.
She pulled my parched head over me and asked, "Min, do you think your mother will go?" "At that time, how smart and stupid I was!?" I replied without the slightest hesitation, and I said, "Mother, don't cry, go, go and buy me a villain book, at home, I listen to my sister-in-law." ”
Mother was finally leaving, it was a late autumn morning, the flower chickens in the courtyard were chasing and crying, the dew on the lentil rack on the south wall was shining, the crooked neck jujube tree in front of the grandmother's door in the west courtyard where I was born and waited for me had run out of leaves, the sun was shining from the east, the light was like a stave in the morning light, my thin figure was printed on the opposite west wall, shaking and shaking, the shadow was pulled so high and so long... The mother was surrounded by people, step by step, turning back, next to the two old elm trees, two house finches lying on the branches, stupid, not barking or moving.
I stood on the table and watched my mother go away, and finally, when my mother turned across the bay in the west of the village, she disappeared, and at that moment I burst into tears, and at that moment, I suddenly felt a taste of loneliness, and my heart was full of expectations and thoughts.
In the days that followed, my sister-in-law and I depended on each other. It was dark, I went to bed early, it was white, I got up early. The sister-in-law said that I was extra careful, in fact, my heart was full of things that only I knew, if the expectation contained the thought and attachment to the mother, it was better to expect more elements of the villain book, just when I broke my finger and counted to the nineteenth day, the eldest sister from the distant Lanzhou with a yellow cloth bag to send me the villain book, and more than once, the new villain book emitted a seductive ink fragrance, when the night was quiet, I looked at the book of the villain book that was tied to my life, often sleeping on the table, boiling the lamp oil dry. For the first time, I deeply experienced the taste of waiting that was both thirsty and happy.
After I grew up, there were countless times of waiting in my life mileage, after the college entrance examination, in those days, in the afternoon and dusk, I often went to the river head or the mixed forest under the west embankment of the village alone, looking at the shadow of the distant mountains and the dots of white sails that came from south to north under the shadow, looking forward to the faint red glow after the sunset, the flocks of birds and finches hurrying home, and I waited for the arrival of the paper that changed my destiny. I have said to myself countless times in my heart: Hometown, I love you, but I must leave you, far away from you. I vowed to get out of the bitter scorching sun year after year facing the loess and never come back. However, in fact, I continued to return to my hometown until the whole village was completely relocated.
/02/
I don't know from what day, I fell in love with a handsome and quiet tall girl, neither of us said the long-awaited ai word, and began to wait for each other for four long years. Finally, in the first autumn after I graduated, impatient and lonely, I rode to her family's village, along the imprints of many dreams, walked through the two dam embankments planted with willow forests, turned around the large inlet floating with reunion lotus leaves in the south of the village, and without asking more, the god of love in the dark led me straight to a narrow wooden door facing east: red brick white walls, deep locks in the courtyard, trees in the courtyard, the sun as the head, but covered by lush trees into a shade. I hesitated a bit, I was about to find stone powder to write on the door leaf, but at the end of the alley came a crunchy human voice, and after a while, a woman in red took a basket and snuggled up to her mother from one side, and glimpsed me in the distance, laughing suddenly, and after a slight hesitation, she flew to me... The woman in red later became my wife.
More than a decade, decades have passed, and many of the waits in life have mostly become a reality. However, I still seem to be obsessed with what I am waiting for, the anxious and beautiful taste of waiting, still burning my heart and lungs, I have not stopped for a moment, I have not stopped, but I can't say what I am still waiting for, what I am looking forward to.
Perhaps, it is a romantic encounter with the unknown you under the white clouds in the distant sky! Then there was the long night of talking, then watching the sea together, climbing the mountain together, then touching hands and counting the stars together, then waving goodbye in the wind at the fork in the road; maybe meeting you in a sea of people on the streets of another nameless city, then you teaching me how to drink coffee and how to add sugar, then silently staring and listening to Sachs's "Country Path Takes Me Home", then listening to what you said, going home you must take a car and a plane; maybe, I am destined to rub shoulders with you in this life; maybe our fate will have to wait until the next life; maybe... ...
My wife often teased me for being full of fantasies, living in the fairy tale of princes and princesses, or I would never grow up. And the depths of my mind are still so stubborn, it seems that my days are not yet over, and it will not only be like this in front of me, but also a different kind of life beckoning me, if I leave, full of temptation! I spent day by day in anticipation and waiting, measuring the road under me with my feet, I understood how long it was, but I didn't know how far it would be, just like this day, day...
In fact, what's so bad about having this unknown wait in life? Far better than the void soul is many times better! Even if this waiting is far away, it is a reality that comes from the depths of the soul. Until the day of blindness, I may not let out the last sigh of regret that is not easily perceived by others!
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author
Pen name: Covenant in this life. I like to travel, all the way to the scenery, record the mood, and the guzheng is deep and heavy, shallow and high-pitched.
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