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There is a saying in the Book of Rites and Rites: "It is not polite to come and not to come; it is not to come and not to come, and it is not to be polite." ”
Living in a state of etiquette, the exchange of courtesies is unavoidable. During the New Year's Festival, relatives visit each other's doors, carry gifts, send red envelopes, and reminisce about the past.
Usually, you ask others, or others ask you, it is inevitable to give gifts. We all believe that "taking people's hands is short, eating people's hands is short", because with gifts, the other party is embarrassed not to help, and people will get closer to each other.
Usually, when someone gives you a gift, you have to figure out how to give it back. It is a traditional custom to invite the other person to a meal, to keep the person who comes to the door, to have a meal.
In fact, with the development of society, people's lives are getting busier and busier, especially for middle-aged people; many relationships are not easy to open; cumbersome etiquette will delay a lot of time and make people very embarrassed.
It is recommended that you learn the following four ways of reciprocating, simple and decent.
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First, forward gifts: give what you don't need to someone who really needs it.
There is such a thing in the Analects.
Yuan Si was the housekeeper of Confucius's family, working diligently and sincerely, and was recognized by Confucius.
One day, Confucius gave him nine hundred millets. The original thought was unwilling to accept.
Confucius said, "Don't shirk, if there is anything superfluous, give it to the poor people in your hometown." ”
In real life, you often receive some gifts that you don't need, and if you throw them away, it's a pity; if you let the person who gave the gift take it back, you will refute the face; if you put it at home, it is obviously a chicken rib.
Giving gifts to those who really need them is the principle of "borrowing flowers to offer Buddhas."
Let's say someone gives you a toy and you don't have children at home. Toys are useless when placed at home. Give it to the neighbor's child and the toy will be used.
Use all the gifts and there is no waste. And you have received the wishes of others.
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Second, promote kindness: take the heart and kindness of others, and express affirmation.
There is a story of "Confucius Sacrifice fish".
On his way to the Chu Kingdom, Confucius met a fisherman who had to give him fish. Confucius was unwilling to accept it.
The fisherman said: "The market is far away, the weather is hot, and the fish cannot be sold." It is better to give it to a gentleman. ”
Confucius accepted the fish and arranged for his disciples to sacrifice it. The disciples did not understand.
Confucius said, "The fisherman is worried that the fish will spoil, so he gave it to me. How can I not thank the gift of benevolence? ”
The ancients said: "The beauty of a gentleman's adulthood, the evil of a villain's adulthood." ”
From the process of other people's gifts, discover kindness and morality, and a few more likes, other people's hearts will be warm. If you think and act in this way for a long time, you are advocating social morality, which can also be regarded as accumulating virtue and accumulating blessings.
In life, there is never a lack of beauty, and there is a lack of eyes to find beauty.
Let's say a beggar asks for a piece of bread, but he gives it to a hungry man. Things are small, but warm and touching a lot. If we take this opportunity to preach the beggar, he will change his fate because of the warmth of society.
It doesn't matter what the gift is, what matters is "a piece of heart".
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Third, return at the right time: Give help when the other person really needs you.
If someone sends you a pen, you send a book right away, in return. In this way, the grace will be clear. If everyone did this, then the exchange of courtesies would be meaningless and would become a material exchange.
People who really know how to return gifts will not immediately send anything to each other, but remember the kindness, have a chance in the future, and then return.
After the 70s, I grew up in the countryside and my family was very poor.
When I was in junior high school, my parents couldn't even make up for the tuition. A cargo man who often came to my house to spend the night quietly took dozens of yuan to his mother.
Later, the mother introduced a family affair to the cargo man.
After coming and going, my family and the cargo man's family became "relatives".
Carefully observe the person who gives the gift, and you will always find out what the other person needs. If there is no need for a while and a half, wait and see what his offspring, parents, need.
Gifts are not just one thing, but also the embodiment of helping each other.
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Fourth, learn to refuse: When encountering a "gift" that touches the moral bottom line, you must refuse it in time.
In the Spring and Autumn Period, Gong Yixiu, the minister of the State of Lu, liked to eat fish very much, and some subordinates voted for him and sent fish, but he refused all of them.
He said, "I'm a prime minister and can afford to buy fish." If you take someone else's fish, you are violating the law. From now on, I will lose my position as prime minister, and I will not be able to afford to buy fish. ”
There is a limit to the exchange of gifts, and if a "gift" is used to numb a person's mind and make some shady transactions, the gift should be returned immediately; it should be turned away at the beginning.
Rejecting an inappropriate gift is good for both parties and is a "chance to educate" the other in return.
Confucius said: "A gentleman is anxious and does not succeed in wealth." ”
The one who helps you with gifts, the one who fulfills the feelings, is the good guy; the one who always adds the icing on the cake may be profitable. It is necessary to polish your eyes and see the root cause and purpose of the other party's gift.
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There are many ways to "reciprocate". According to the traditional custom, it is that someone else gives you a gift, and then you invite the other person to a meal, and then let the other person carry another gift home.
The times are changing, and our social way must also change, not limited to the exchange of physical objects and interests, but also pay attention to emotional interaction and transmit positive energy. De-complicity is the overall trend. Taken literally, "reciprocating" is a positive response to a gift — everything falls.
Master Nebula said: "To be a person is to be like a mirror, always self-contemplation; to be like a book, constantly recording merits; to be like a candle, always illuminating others." ”
Gift-giving and returning gifts are common things in life, and they are also things that we have been doing all our lives, and we cannot ignore them.
Having a meal, very simple, but not all sociable, fits in. If you want to enlarge human feelings and make your feelings thicker, you must use your brain to refract the light of human nature into society.
In this life, I live with fate and do as I please.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.