Curator, Writer / Chris, Nico, Coco
Editors / KY Creators
"When we were so happy with every dollar, I was thinking about how happy we would be afterwards."
Liu Ruihong – probably the hottest name in the fitness field right now.
Whether you are in home isolation or not, you may have been live-streamed by Amway and his wife Vivi.
The first time I learned about Coach Liu Was in 2015.
In a weight loss variety show called "Reduce My Life", Liu Ruihong, as a guest coach, accompanied the big base students to lose weight, fitness and change themselves. He promised the trainees in the program to take them to see Jay Chou's concert together, and to take a group photo and autograph in the background together.
At that time, I was deeply anxious about my appearance, and I was fiercely pinched by Coach Liu's encouragement of fitness - how I hoped that there was a person like Liu Qihong in my life, who could not only teach me professional knowledge of fitness, but also inspire me spiritually and accompany me to break through myself.
This live broadcast of Coach Liu let us see his more life-like side.
His and his wife Vivi's couples interactive teaching made their live broadcast stand out from the crowd of fitness tutorials. Moreover, netizens also like his wife vivi:
"It was Liu Ruihong who attracted me to click into the live broadcast, but what made me stay was vivi."
In the live video, they show us a very healthy state. Not only physical health, but also mental and relationship health. Their interaction shows a comfortable, natural and equal marital state. In the live broadcast, we can see vivi and Liu Qihong's pampering, complaining, complaining, and the interaction between the two is full of trust and frankness.
Vivi also won the first place in the beauty contest when she was young, but the vivi sister in the live broadcast did not have the burden of being an idol of a big beauty. In various fitness moves, they all show their truest appearance:
Fantasies and novelties in love always disappear with the flow of time and the accumulation of experience (Walster & Walster, 1978). Only when both parties love each other in the truest way can they keep the relationship alive and full after the passion has receded.
So, what else is reflected in their interactions that are worth learning when we run intimate relationships? Using them as a model, what kind of feeling is the best state of intimacy?
Take a look at today's article.
One important in the relationship
But the often overlooked element is " respect"
Many people will feel that being the most authentic in front of their partner means being unfettered and even not having to respect each other so much.
But in fact, the closest people should often be the people we respect the most (Guthrie et al., 2011).
Some netizens left a message to complain that vivi sister is "not thin", so that vivi sister could not help but be angry, and took out the previous photos to make comparisons. In the face of his wife's emotions, Liu Lihong stood up for the first time to express his support.
And when Vivi sister herself introduced herself with "Liu Qihong's wife, little puff mother", Liu Qihong would also come out and emphasize, "You are not who is who, you are yourself." ”
With so many details like this, across the screen we feel is a man's respect for his partner.
There are often differences between people, we are afraid of being looked down upon by others, afraid of differences, so we will worry about interacting with some strangers or unfamiliar people. But under the premise of respect, even if the concept is different, everyone can be understood and accepted. This can help us dispel worries, open ourselves up, and take the first steps towards socializing with people.
When some relationships have passed the honeymoon period, they may gradually burn out. It is necessary to maintain a relationship well and establish a "sincere interest" in the other person, even if you repeat the same routine, you will be curious about what the other party has done and what different feelings.
However, if a person in a relationship hopes that the other party will be wronged by the other party's interests to fulfill their "truth", it is a kind of selfishness and a great disrespect for the lover and the relationship.
Respect can bring about a turnaround, it can ease the tension of conflict, help you solve problems more effectively, and bring a completely different direction to the relationship.
As the relationship deepens, the differences between people and people will gradually be exposed, we will face more and more differences, and many of them may still be related to ideas and values. Only on the basis of respect can we confidently expose ourselves and discuss differences, so as to obtain a more stable and deep sense of connection.
So, what should it be like to be truly respectful, and what does it mean to be respected? Sana Farid (2005) states that true respect should include these elements:
Two people in a relationship are equal in terms of ideas, needs, rights and obligations, and neither party should be ignored, and no one party is superior. Therefore, it is disrespectful to arrange everything for the other party without listening to the other party's opinions, and in the same way, not expressing one's own ideas and blindly obeying the other party's arrangements is also a manifestation of disrespect.
The emphasis is reflected in giving the other person enough attention to show that I am listening carefully, not just perfunctory. It also means that we recognize that each other's ideas are valuable and that our attitude towards each other is caring and kind. For example, we will take the initiative to understand, what is the meaning conveyed by the other party? Why does he think that? What does this mean for him?
Treating with dignity involves acknowledging their individual worth, not humiliating or contemptuous, and upholding the rights of the other person, that is, we recognize that the rights and needs of the other person are important and do not do things that harm and violate each other's rights. If a person's tolerance and kindness to you are only out of pity, sympathy, or feel that you are weak and need to be protected, such "love" is also damaged by your dignity.
So, what kind of relationship state can be achieved on the basis that both parties respect each other?
The best state of the relationship -
Very comfortable, but not too "too comfortable"
When watching Liu Qihong's live broadcast, my biggest feeling is comfort - the Q&A, interaction, and mode of getting along between their husband and wife make people feel comfortable and comfortable.
The first characteristic of a comfortable relationship is that two people have a common understanding of the boundaries between each other.
The consensus on the boundary determines that in the process of communication, both parties have a close understanding of the expectations of the relationship and the code of conduct in the relationship. At this time, the two people naturally get along smoothly.
And if two people don't agree on boundaries, when we find that the other person doesn't want to be intimate with us, or I want to be more distant from each other but always try to break through my boundaries (for example, I have to sit across from me and eat with me), one of them will naturally feel uncomfortable.
Of course, the perception of boundaries can be adjusted, and once two people have a consensus on the boundaries of the two sides, the relationship has a basis for "making people feel comfortable".
The second characteristic of a comfortable relationship is "involuntary evaluation."
In addition to the other party clearly want to hear one thing about themselves, do not arbitrarily evaluate the other party, whether it is behavior, appearance, personality, etc. Evaluation is an important source of "uncomfortable" feelings in relationships, and when we judge others at will, we have quietly put ourselves in a "higher" position than others, as if we know more and are "right" than each other.
Even if it is a comfortable relationship, there will be a lot of "incomprehension" between each other. And the "no evaluation" of these "not understanding" provides a comfortable basis for the relationship.
Vivi is fat after giving birth, and can't help but ask Liu Qihong: "I have become fat, will you still like me?" Liu Qihong said bluntly: "Love, but I don't want you to get fat." ”
Liu Ruihong never commented on suppressing his wife's figure, but only accompanied his wife to work out and eat healthy meals together, hoping that his wife could truly feel his company.
Liu Believes that self-love and independence are something that women should always remember, and women do not need to be judged by others.
The third characteristic of a comfortable relationship is "living in the moment."
Living in the present state refers to the fact that our attention and emotions remain more in the present moment. We invest more in every minute and every second of the present, but we don't bring more of the negative emotions caused by the future into the present.
In fact, people who live in the present are generally more relaxed, less anxious, and emotionally stable, and such people are naturally more capable of giving others a comfortable feeling.
However, comfort in this feeling is very subtle. When it is too large and people are in a state of too comfortable, we cannot change; because familiarity is comfortable, strangeness is uncomfortable— learning is necessarily an uncomfortable process, and our cognition requires acceptance of what our past selves did not know.
But when it is too small and people are in a state of too uncomfortable, in fact, we can't change it, because our physical and mental strength is consumed to fight uncomfortable and deal with uncomfortable feelings.
Therefore, from the perspective of individual development, we are better off maintaining ourselves in a state that is comfortable enough, but often gives ourselves some challenges that trigger a little discomfort - under the premise of self-care, taking care of our feelings, keep learning and exercising, which is this state of "comfortable enough and appropriately uncomfortable".
So what we really seek in an intimate relationship is that "both partners feel comfortable most of the time, and both partners will feel some level of discomfort at some point." ”
Ky authors say:
Recently, watching the "live broadcast of Liu Qihong and his wife" has also become one of the must-have activities for many couples at home after dinner.
Many people will feel that the epidemic will have a negative impact on intimate relationships. In fact, a survey in the United States in 2021 came to the conclusion that many people's intimate relationships have become better after the epidemic.
In the 3,000-adult survey, 43 percent believe their marriages/relationships are stronger now than they were two years ago, 54 percent believe the pandemic has made them appreciate their partners more, and 42 percent feel that the pandemic has deepened their commitment to marriage/relationships. Another 2021 survey found that 7 out of 10 respondents were extremely satisfied with their relationships, the highest level in the survey's history (Lewandowski, 2022).
This may be because in an isolated environment, partners can spend more time and energy on each other, so they can get a lot of high-quality "two-person" time.
When we are at home, in addition to watching live broadcasts, we actually have a lot of things that we can do with our partners, cooking together, chasing dramas, re-cleaning up the house... When we (have to) stay home, these daily activities can help us relieve the emotional stress of our backlog and create happy memories that are unique to both of us with our partners.
Finally, Happy Labor Day!
Today's Interaction: Have you watched the live broadcast of Coach Liu Qihong? How has your relationship with your partner been during the pandemic? Come to the comment area and share it with us.~