Zhang Xiaoxian said: "Time can prove love, but also can overthrow love." ”
How good a person is to you, who wants to use time to precipitate, but no matter what, if the marriage fails, the high probability of injury is the woman, because the divorced woman has no home, the mother's family cannot go back, and the in-laws no longer belong to themselves.
On the Internet, seeing the heart of a divorced woman, I feel very pertinent, she said that she could not go back to the home, only to understand why her father advised her not to marry away.
Sweet love will also deteriorate
Junru is a 30-year-old woman and a mother of 2 children.
She said that she once had a sweet love, and her ex-husband was in a free love, the two worked in one place, and her ex-husband spoiled her.
The two eat together, Junru does not need to pick up his own dishes, the other party will clip his favorite dishes to eat, walking on the road the shoelaces are open, the ex-husband will naturally crouch down and help her tie her shoelaces.
Greeting good morning every morning, saying sweet thoughts on the phone in the evening, let Junru once think that she met her soul mate, she felt that men worked actively, looked handsome, and could also be attentive to themselves, which must be true love.
But her parents are opposed to this marriage, the reason is that the man's hometown is Jiangxi, the economic conditions are general, the father's life plan for her is to find an object near the home to marry, the man's family is the best economic conditions, there are several houses that can be rented, and even if the daughter does not go to work, it is enough to live at home.
The woman who is trapped in love, her thinking is self-sufficient, she can't listen to her father's advice at all, 23-year-old she took the initiative to agree to the marriage, her parents could not stop it, and could only agree.
When they first got married, the two had a good relationship, the in-laws bought a house in their hometown county, suggested that she take the baby at home, and it was enough for the ex-husband to earn money, JunRu knew that the living habits of the in-laws were like this, women should be housewives after marriage, and work became luxury.
For the happiness of her family, she promised to resign and go home, 4 years to have 2 children, with the increase of housework chores, Junru is more and more untrimmed, the figure is also seriously out of shape, even her ex-husband complains that she is sloppy.
At first, Junru did not go to her heart, because it was too tiring to take the children, and she did not go out, so why should she dress herself, but she found that her husband was returning less and less time, and she actually quietly fell in love with other women.
Junru has quarreled and made trouble, but to divorce, the husband said that he can only get out of the house, 2 children with the man, because Junru has no income, she is not able to take care of the children.
Between the sacrifice and the struggle, Junru chose the former, she knows that some people will blame her for being indifferent, but she said that she loves the child very much, the child has been taking care of herself since birth, and the reason why she is willing to go out of the house is that she is too tired.
And if you raise a child, there is no way to work, if you want to work there is no time to take care of the child, she knows that the in-laws will be kind to the child, can only put it down temporarily, and then turn back to take care of the child when she has the ability.
Can't go back to the mother's home, the love of parents has a shelf life
After the divorce, Junru returned to her mother's house.
But she found that in her mother's house she was already a guest, the original boudoir, the niece lived in it, saw her go home, the niece also asked: "Aunt, when will you go back to your own home?" ”
When her parents saw her coming home, they also showed enthusiasm, but with courtesy in their enthusiasm, Junru realized that he could not go back to her mother's house for a long time and did not conform to the rules.
Junruo has an older brother, when he was a child, his parents did not favor sons over daughters, and even more pampered her, but this pampering was limited to before marriage, in her hometown of Guangdong, girls married, parents will generally give a very rich dowry, this is to let the daughter go to the in-laws' house to have face.
But no matter how much you are pampered before marriage, when you get married, your parents' property has nothing to do with you, they will default to leaving all the property to their sons, even if they are demolition households and have several houses, it is impossible to give their daughter a set.
Junru family is like this, the old house demolition, divided into 5 houses, brother and sister-in-law and parents live in a set, the remaining 4 sets of rental, sister-in-law can not work, can also live well, Junru divorced after renting a house, parents did not propose to give her a house.
This is the sadness in Junru's heart, she finally understands that the love of her parents has a shelf life, and when you get married, you are no longer a mother's family, nor can you compete with your brother for family property.
She also woke up to the road that her father had arranged for her, Guangdong girls do not marry outside, it is indeed very prescient, Junru around several classmates, are obedient to their parents to arrange to marry in the local area, the in-laws have good conditions, more importantly, the same values of each other, there are less contradictions.
And the girl who marries close, it is too convenient to return to the mother's home, and she can feel the warmth of family affection, in contrast, the girl who marries far away is like a guest and has no sense of belonging.
After the divorce, some people also advised her to lower her standards and find a local in-law to marry, but Junru did not want to settle down again, she felt that a person's life was also very good, at least there was control over life.
After watching her experience, some netizens felt the same feeling, saying that they also had the same experience, and the woman after the divorce really did not have a home.
One of the netizens' message is very sad, she said that this is no regret of being loved, only women will understand, whether it is parents or in-laws, women are discriminating, only daughters will be much better, at least feel the selfless love of parents.
How to avoid emotional problems?
Marriage is a very important choice for women, marrying the right person, most of the life will be happy, if you marry the wrong person, life will be full of wind and rain.
When choosing a lover and running a marriage, you need to pay attention to the following three points.
First, a little more time to get to know each other.
Some girls are easily confused by sweet words when they are in love.
Thinking that the other party pampers himself is a manifestation of love.
Sometimes, there is a big gap between a man's performance when he is in love and after marriage, and you can find out the true face of the other party with a little more time to understand.
If you want to marry far away, it is best to go to the man's home to see and understand the living habits of the other family and the way of thinking.
If you are difficult to accept the man's living habits before marriage, there is a high probability that these contradictions will become the source of future quarrels.
Second, the economic strength is very different, and we must be cautious.
Having a full drink is the romance of love and does not apply to marriage.
If the economic strength of the two families is very different, in addition to the superficial consumption habits, there are also differences in values and outlook on life.
The ancients had a wisdom called "summer insects can not speak of ice", which means that most of the insects in the summer only live for three seasons, and if you talk to it about the cold of winter, the other party cannot understand.
In the same way, if you tell a person something he has never seen before, the other person will find it difficult to understand, and it is meaningless for two people to argue.
Not choosing a family with a large economic disparity has nothing to do with feeling poor and loving the rich, but to avoid contradictions in their marriages.
Third, expect less from marriage and more with self-effort.
When in love, most men will pay for you, willing to pick vegetables and tie your shoes for you.
But after marriage, the other party is unwilling, not that the other party has changed, but the good for you in the early stage, which is deliberately pandered.
You understand the truth of the matter, you can expect less from marriage, the more you expect, the more troubles you have, and lowering your expectations is to accept life itself and let yourself live a peaceful life.
If the other party asks you to resign and return to the family, you must also think carefully, because economic independence has personality independence, and if you want to make your life better and better, you can't do without hard work.
Smart women will balance the burden of the family with their husbands, raise two children, and work together, so that the marriage will be smoother.