"If a person learns to refuse reasonably, they can reduce more than 90% of unnecessary troubles in life and avoid waste of time and energy."
In fact, most of our life troubles come from not knowing how to refuse. Work is on call, and those who come in life do not refuse. Over time, others take "trouble you" as a habit, life will become more and more boring, the pressure is great, and the negative energy is bursting.
Therefore, if we want to enjoy life, embrace life, and learn to reject it, it is our compulsory subject.
If we don't know how to refuse, we will live very tired
All along, I found that I was not a person who was good at rejecting others, and this blind acceptance also bothered me for a long time.
When I was in high school, I didn't sleep well. If you don't sleep between classes, it is difficult to concentrate in class. During recess, a classmate came to ask questions, but I couldn't say the sentence "I want to sleep now, can I be late?"
When I was in college, I went out to eat, and my roommate asked me if I could bring the courier back by the way, and I was troubled in my heart, and in the end I still didn't say the sentence "It's going to be in line for a long time, you go by yourself."
In the group work, it is impossible to refuse the team member's request to "help do PPT, collect information, and integrate information", although the phrase "this is not the part I am responsible for" is about to come out.
Since then, I have begun to find that because I always learn not to refuse, I spend more time and more energy on unnecessary things, but the harvest is full of pressure and negative energy.
In life, we always seem to have a hard time resisting things that seem to be a show of hands. But can we really do what we need? The answer is no. But we still lack the courage to refuse, afraid of falling against our promises, and finally becoming physically and mentally exhausted and falling into a vicious circle.
Instead of that, it's better to say no early on and focus on something more worthwhile.
As the saying goes: When someone gets used to your help, your one rejection may become a bad person in his eyes, so every time you help to do what you can. Every effort must become precious, not cheap.
Pay less attention to other people's thoughts and pay more attention to your own feelings, which is the beginning of a comfortable life.
Let's all learn to turn all the embarrassment into no, good meaning.
Know how to refuse, in order to easily cope with life
Chinese are always introverted and gentle, and in the education we receive, comity and obedience are always the mainstream. Many parents will always arrange everything about their children: from dressing and making friends to academic careers, every time they make a decision, different opinions boil down to disobedience, filial piety, and everything feels like a child's problem. In particular, the constant denial in the face of different opinions strikes at the child's autonomy. When obedience becomes a habit, not rejecting it becomes the norm.
So "Learn to say no, then your life will be much better."
"In the family, sometimes relatives want to ask you to tutor their children, but this will take up a lot of our time, and parents will take into account the face of relatives and refuse, but they are not willing. At this time, we need to communicate well with our parents, firmly reject the position, and explain the reason.
On campus, we want to establish clear boundaries.
In the face of a friend slashing a knife or helping to forward, advertising and other small things, we can decide whether to help according to our own arrangements. In the face of the roommate's long-term request to help take the courier and make meals, we must learn to "refuse".
Smart people know how to use the right way of rejection, clear their principles and bottom lines, so as to live their own relaxed life. "Rejection is a right, just as survival is a right."
So, how can we effectively reject others?
● Establish healthy psychological boundaries
Rejection is not as hard as you think, learn to put yourself first, establish boundaries for yourself, and enough self-esteem and self-love to make relationships better, rather than blindly accommodating others.
● Rejection has a trick
Three elements of rational rejection: firm attitude, gentle tone, and clear expression When rejecting, you can put forward planB by the way and help solve the problem
● Refuse to ≠ harm
People who are not good at rejection often worry about whether they will lose the relationship because of rejection.
In fact, the harm caused by rejection is our inner fear imagination, in reality, reasonable and gentle rejection often does not cause irreparable harm.
Helping is a good thing, and when help becomes a burden and a matter of course, that's a bad thing. Know how to defend your right to refuse, spend more time doing your best to do your own thing, strive to improve your ability in all aspects, and help others when you have spare strength and do not force yourself.
Life is short, life is very tiring, we do not need to go against our own hearts and respond to the needs of others. Our lives are not meant to be obedient to others, but to be kind to ourselves.
Love yourself, starting with learning to say no.
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Figure | Sourced from the web
Text | Wu Lei
Edit | Wang Hong
Editor-in-charge | Jiang Huan, Ma Jiashuo
Editor-in-Chief | Li Jing
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