Psychologist Adler said: Lucky people are cured by childhood all their lives, and unfortunate people are cured of childhood all their lives!
Alice is about to transfer schools again, and she and her mother come to a small town with their younger siblings to escape their stepfather Rose, who has domestic violence tendencies. Alice had never seen her father since she was a child, and her mother took her to live in a musty house, hungry and full. And constantly moving. In order to survive, her mother chose to be with her stepfather Rose, but Rose was a domestic violence man, often beating Alice and her mother for a small matter, and her mother had to take them to escape again.
In fact, Alice did not want to transfer schools, because she was afraid of accepting the unfamiliar environment, and sure enough, when Alice wore the bright red oversized coat and outdated thick-soled school shoes, she immediately felt uncomfortable when she walked into the school door. I thought I was going to start a new life and get rid of my stepfather's entanglement, but the next thing made Alice uneasy again, there was a mysterious figure that always appeared near her house, was it the stepfather or the person sent by the stepfather? Alice couldn't rest assured. She is unfortunate, but fortunate, the story finally unlocks the truth, the mysterious figure is a boy, want to be friends with Alice, but afraid of rejection, Alice with the help of new friends Alfie and Ben and the care of the art teacher, slowly out of the shadows, brave to face the new life.
This is the story told in "Transfer Student Alice", her misfortune stems from the original family, from the stepfather's domestic violence, so how to save herself in the face of domestic violence? This book gives a good answer. The author Eve Ainsworth, an award-winning british teenage writer, has been committed to the study of adolescent management emotional and behavioral problems, and has written many novels that explore adolescents, this "Transfer Student Alice" tells us the impact of the original family on the growth of children in the form of a story.
Many people's growth experience is inseparable from the original family, a person's personality, the way of doing things are affected by the original family, it exists with our body in the way of energy, the original family suffers from domestic violence or children with poor parental relations, the growth path will find the "shadow" of the parents, just like Alice in the book, even if the school is transferred, the shadow in the heart always exists.
Let's take an example first, not long ago the Internet reported the news of a female college student committing suicide in the dormitory, causing people to discuss the problem of the original family, the girl's father often had tyrannical behavior towards her, and often beat her mother and brother, in the third year of high school, because she liked a boy who was known by her father, cut her hair with scissors, and also ran to the door of the girl's school to beat her violently, again and again, the girl gradually lost the hope of life, and finally left a suicide note, chose death.
So how can a child who lacks love in the original family save himself?
Embrace pain and reconcile with your original family
The word original family has recently been more popular, referring to the family that was born and grew up in life, if a person's childhood in the original family, lack of love, lack of parental companionship, smoke in the family, domestic violence, etc., such a child's personality is easy to have problems, inferiority, suspiciousness, lack of sufficient sense of security, his subconscious will have a compensation mechanism, and adults will make up for this deficiency, the best way is to embrace pain, face the past, learn to let go, and reconcile with the original family.
There's a good saying: your view of things determines what kind of person you will be, we can't choose to be born into a family, but we can choose to take responsibility for ourselves. In the TV series "All Is Good", Su Mingyu, played by Yao Chen, is the younger daughter of the Su family, but this original family has the idea of preferring sons to daughters, the mother is very harsh on her daughter, and she could have been admitted to Tsinghua University when she took the college entrance examination, but because her mother was unwilling to pay tuition, she finally chose to go to a free normal school. At the age of eighteen, Mingyu severed economic ties with her family. After years of hard work outside, she eventually became a strong woman, because the shadow of her childhood made Mingyu have rebellious thoughts, and she wanted to draw a line with this family several times, but in the end she always gave up the family dispute that was thicker than water and chose to reconcile with this family.
Just like Alice in the book, you must pluck up the courage to boldly go out, try to change, let go of the past, you will gain friends, and everything will develop in a good direction.
Break through yourself and get rid of the entanglement of your original family
Sociology believes that the biggest impact on everyone's growth process is the family, and no one's growth environment is smooth, and there will be such and such deficiencies. In some families, parents give love, respect and independence, while in others it is fear, responsibility and guilt, and if you are unfortunate in a family of origin that lacks love, you must strive to fight and get rid of this entanglement.
I saw a movie "Harvard Road" a long time ago. The heroine of the film, Lisi, was born in a very bad family, her mother is an addict, an alcoholic, and she also suffers from schizophrenia, and her father suffers from AIDS and drugs, and they never care about Liz's needs or care about her. She often slept on the subway and ate by the trash can, which cultivated Lisi's strong character in such an environment and a harsh family atmosphere, and she was inspired to change the status quo and enter the university. It took only two years to successfully enter Harvard School and start a new node in her inspirational life.
People's fate can be changed, as long as we have the action, optimistic face of reality, break through ourselves, since we can not choose to be born into a family, when we can choose to change ourselves.