Harvard psychology doctor Gorman once said that whether a person can succeed, 20% of the factors rely on IQ, 80% of the factors rely on emotional intelligence.
When Ma Yun gave a speech at Tsinghua University, he also said bluntly: If a person wants to be undefeated, he can have a high IQ; but if a person wants to succeed, he needs to rely on high emotional intelligence.
So what is emotional intelligence?
Emotion is emotion, and quotient is transaction.
Take care of other people's emotions and exchange them for the value you want.
Emotional intelligence must be profitable, and once people achieve this, they will be very attractive.
But I believe that many people have met children who can choke you to death as soon as they speak.
A teacher at an art institution met a girl in the third grade of elementary school, which made him re-recognize the ability of children to be intimidating.
When the child finished drawing a human body, the teacher told her that the proportion of the human body was not correct and talked for a while. The girl opened her mouth and said: Why do you have so many things? The teacher is angry.
Once the child did not want to draw, all kinds of twists, but refused to rest. The teacher went over to persuade her, and the girl said again: You have a lot of things.
Once the door was slow for the child, the girl said: My mother said, your teacher is really abrasive.
This teacher has said many times that it is really tiring to deal with such children.
Child psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein once summed up children's low emotional intelligence, believing that children with low emotional intelligence usually have the following 4 obvious characteristics and cannot be hidden.
4 manifestations of low emotional intelligence in children
1, like the nest horizontal
Wronged from other children, children with low emotional intelligence will sprinkle resentment on the weak or those who love themselves.
The tendency to vent emotions on innocent people is a typical manifestation of low emotional intelligence children.
2, love to lose temper
Playing with children, because can not accept failures and setbacks, so it is difficult to control emotions.
Because they are often contract breakers, such low-emotional intelligence children are often unpopular because of their fiery tempers.
Parents can also be very troubled by their children's irritability.
3. Self-centered
Because he is self-centered, it is easy for him to hurt others arbitrarily.
These low-EQ children are short-sighted, short-sighted, and they don't know that focusing only on their feelings will make them lose the opportunity to make friendships and build friendships.
4, like to expose other people's short
By degrading others and elevating themselves, it seems to have gained some less advantages, but in fact, it is a manifestation of narrow heart, and these low emotional intelligence children often do not get a real advantage.
The People's Daily said:
Many times, I flaunt that I speak straight, but I just don't want to think about the other person's feelings...
Mr. Zeng Shiqiang said:
To speak bluntly is to be equal to no one in sight;
Such people either cannot live or do not live long;
It's the same as saying to the other person that I'm like this, what can you do?
Practical psychology says:
Every time I meet someone who says, "I speak so straight, you take care of the point", I want to slap it directly, and then say: I hit people so painfully, you endure a little... Don't you blame me for speaking straight? Then you don't blame me for being heavy.........
Therefore, low emotional intelligence is low emotional intelligence, and it is really not a straight personality and a straight mouth.
Children have low emotional intelligence and are often inseparable from their parents
People with low emotional intelligence are quite easy to identify in life.
Such people rarely have the patience to listen to others, and then either don't listen to the other person's speech, or communicate with the other party according to their own understanding.
The purpose is either to convince you or to prove yourself right.
Parents have low emotional intelligence, and children have a high probability that emotional intelligence will not be high.
Children who spend their days and nights with their parents, treat people and things, and deal with problems, are often obtained from their parents.
How can a child make his emotional intelligence higher under the low emotional intelligence of his parents?
If you want to improve your child's emotional intelligence, then parents first need to strengthen the cultivation to improve their emotional intelligence.
Psychologist Harry Stan Sullivan said that children often learn the best way to deal with emotions from their parents, and they can also copy their emotional intelligence, so parents can lead by example if they want to raise children with high emotional intelligence.
Let yourself handle things in daily life, treat people and things have a high emotional intelligence performance, so that parents become children's role models, in order to better influence and educate children.
How to raise children with high emotional intelligence?
1. Teach children to deal with emotions
Dr. John Gottman, an American scholar, believes that there are three types of practices that are not conducive to raising children with high emotional intelligence:
First, ignore the child's negative emotions and feel irrelevant;
Second, dissatisfaction with the child's negative emotions, and even accusations or punishments;
Third, accept the child's negative emotions, but do not guide the child to deal with the emotions.
Therefore, parents should treat their children as normal people, that is to say, individuals will have bad moods.
When children are in a bad mood, don't punish them for this, and find ways to get your child to eliminate negative emotions.
That's what parents should do.
2. Cultivate an optimistic attitude in children
How to cultivate children's optimism, emotional intelligence expert Zhang Yijun gave advice: add a sense of humor and imagination to the process of discipline.
For example, a five-year-old boy drank half a bottle of ink to get his family's attention. The dad who came home from work easily asked the child: Did you really drink ink?
The child proudly showed his tongue with ink to his father and made a grimace.
Dad rushed into the house, took out a pile of ink-absorbing paper, smiled, and said: Now there is no other way, you can only swallow these ink-absorbing papers.
This sentence made the whole family laugh in a hurry, but the little boy did not laugh, and he estimated that he would never engage in such a prank again.
Parents can develop a "it's okay" mantra with their children on weekdays, so that children can face a better tomorrow with a cheerful attitude.
3. Create opportunities for children to interact
The authoritative American Parenting Encyclopedia clearly states:
"The best way for a child to learn to get along with others is to get a lot of learning opportunities, and although his current behavior is not conducive to interacting with people, parents should actively create opportunities for him to play with other children."
Children may be noisy, but they can also learn the ability to deal with contradictions, unity and cooperation, communication and coordination in "actual combat".
Of course, parents should also pay attention to observing their children's performance and then guiding them afterwards.
Psychologist Daniel Gorman, known as the "father of emotional intelligence", believes that parents are advised to do five steps of emotional counseling often, because children's good mood is often equated with high emotional intelligence.
Here's an example:
In the buffet, a 5-year-old boy wanted to eat the last piece of cake that was taken away first.
The child was angry and wanted to grab it back.
Mom stopped him in time and took him aside.
Mom asked him gently: What's wrong? Baby. (This step is to pay attention to the child's emotions and encourage the child to express emotions)
Little Boy: I was very angry, I originally got my hand, but I was taken away by someone else.
Mom: Well, that kind of dessert Mom also likes to eat, originally almost to eat suddenly no, it is a pity. (This step is to listen to the child's emotional dissatisfaction with empathy)
Little Boy: Yes Mom, I think so too.
Mom: But baby, is it useful to get angry and hit someone else for desserts to get angry and hit people? Will the cake come back to your plate? (This step helps the child to recognize his emotions.)
The little boy shook his head and said, "Even if you give it to me, you won't want it, it's been eaten."
Mom: So, well, if that's the case, then we don't have to get angry and hit people. This will only make you feel more angry, and you see that there are other desserts on the table that you like. We can eat that first, and then a new dessert will be delivered later. (This step helps children treat bad things with the right mindset)
The little boy was in a much better mood and said: Well, I can eat other desserts first.
Parents can often use the five steps of emotional counseling to guide their children, which is conducive to raising children with high emotional intelligence.
Parents remember that a child's good mood is often equated with high emotional intelligence.
Yu Minhong said: If a person can speak the Tao with eight faces, and especially will do things, do you think this is a manifestation of high emotional intelligence?
In fact, no, the real high emotional intelligence performance is that this person is infinitely trusted after walking in front of others, and is also good at sharing his good things with others, and is also very willing to help others regardless of conditions when others have difficulties, which is called real emotional intelligence.
A person with a really high emotional intelligence will first make people feel that he is trustworthy.
Parents are the best emotional intelligence coaches for children, as long as they are patiently educated and carefully guided, their emotional intelligence can become higher and higher.
The child's growth path will go more smoothly.