#育儿事务所 #
My baby is four months old and my lover has been complaining lately.
It is said that Xiao Bao always has to hold it before he is willing to sleep, and as soon as he puts his hand on the bed, he will wake up immediately, and when he wakes up, he will start crying.
Sometimes she hugged and slept, thinking that Xiaobao was asleep, but he would suddenly open his eyes to see his mother and find that her mother was still there, at which point he could sleep peacefully.
For this reason, lovers are often exhausted.
Why do babies behave like this?
It all starts with "relationships."
Here, I would like to quote a famous pediatrician, Donald Winnicott, to illustrate that "everything about man begins with relationships." "This view.
When we are asked are we born to be able-bodied people?
Donald Winnicott gave this answer: "Unless each of us has a mom at the beginning of life who can introduce us to the world bit by bit." ”
When we are born, relationships are already established.
At this time, we are weaker and more helpless than the cubs of other species, which requires a stable, gentle, loving nurturer to take care of us, usually our mother.
When we are hungry, she can wrap us in a quilt in time;
When we pulled the pee, she could help us clean up in time;
When we wake up from sleep at night, she can gently hold us, pat us, and then gently comfort us.
All of this makes us, as a fragile little baby, feel that we are safe, that we truly exist in this world, and that is the most primitive sense of security for human beings.
This sense of security is internalized into each of our personality structures, and when we grow up a little longer and encounter some setbacks, our inner sense of security is activated, and we know that we can overcome these difficulties, all of which also stem from the first secure relationships we established.
Relationships are the foundation of each of our personalities, and without initial relationships, it is difficult for us to grow into people with sound personalities.
So, how did this relationship develop?
According to Freud's theory.
First of all, when a baby is born, he is very narcissistic, he lives in his own fantasies.
He felt that I was the center of the world, and that all the people had to revolve around me and had to meet my needs in a timely manner.
This primitive narcissism and fantasy is of great significance.
Because life is very fragile at this time, as a helpless baby, he has to rely on this fantasy and narcissism to feel that he is safe and can live.
At this time, he and his important nurturer, his mother, are in a state of integration.
He couldn't tell the difference between himself and his mother.
When I have a need, my mother will come to meet me in time, like a part of my body.
So, when our child lies in the warm arms of his mother, feeling the temperature and heartbeat of his mother, he thinks that he and his mother are one.
If separated, the baby loses this feeling of security and falls into helplessness and confusion, which is not conducive to the establishment of a healthy personality for the baby.
When a sense of security is established for a long time, as the baby continues to grow and develop slowly, some basic mental activities will develop.
At this time, when the baby needs the mother to help me in time, the mother does not arrive on time every time.
The baby gradually realized that although my mother was late, it seemed that I had nothing to do, and my mother would always come.
Slowly, babies learn to wait and comfort themselves.
As a result, the infant develops from the primitive stage of fusion to the stage of object relations. At this time, the baby gradually realized that my mother and I were two independent individuals.
I am me, mom is mom, we are two people, no longer in a state of integration.
But even then, it doesn't affect my ability to survive safely or my ability to interact comfortably with my surroundings.
This stage of object relationship is also called the stage of binary relationship, that is, the relationship between the infant and the mother.
So we would say that children aged 0-3 belong to their mothers.