Wen | condensed mother's understanding
I have crossed the mountains and the sea, and also through the sea of people, everything I once had, in the blink of an eye, is like smoke, I have been lost and disappointed to lose all directions, until I see the ordinary is the only answer. --Park Shu, "Ordinary Road"
Listening to this lyric before, I felt passionate, experienced a sense of optimism, and had the meaning of "a thousand sails on the side of the sinking boat, and a thousand wood springs in front of the sick tree".
After learning about Park Shu's experience, listening to this song again, I experienced a feeling of repentance, melancholy, and helplessness. Thinking about all kinds of things that raise children, I don't feel tears wetting my eyes. When parents are angry that their children are not angry, the child's heart has actually been struggling.
Park Shu is not ordinary, formerly known as Pu Shu, his father is Pu Zuyin, graduated from the Department of Physics of Peking University in 1962, doctoral supervisor, director of the Space Science Society, one of the initiators of the "Double Star Project", and has won numerous awards.
Her mother, Liu Ping, graduated from Xi'an Jiaotong University, is a professor at Peking University and the first generation of female computer engineers in mainland China.
Born in such a Kochi family, living in a Kochi family home, Presumably from an early age, he must have been influenced by "becoming the same person as his parents in the future", but Park Shu chose the path of music, and it should be very difficult to make such a choice.
I first saw a message on the Internet saying that it was because of my father's free-range that I made Park Shu.
The father went to East Germany to study, bought an electric guitar for his eldest son for 300 marks, and bought a syllable for Park Shu, just because the children liked it.
Park Shu dropped out of school in his sophomore year, and his parents expressed understanding.
Someone asked, "My son didn't go your way, didn't you stand in the way?" ”
The father replied, "I don't know music myself, but I respect my child's interests." Music is his life, just as academics are my life."
Seeing this, I can only marvel at the fact that Park Shu's parents are indeed very advanced in their thinking and have the courage to accept the different choices of their children.
At that time, I thought that I did not have such courage, because I did not have the strength of Park Shu's parents to give him a bottom, and I could only rely on the children themselves.
In my heart, children must be admitted to the best universities within their own ability, learn their favorite majors, and find jobs to reach the threshold of quasi-people. In the future, if you can have a job that can make a living, and have time to run your own hobbies, and live your life happily and healthily, that is the most complete.
I can't accept the idea of my child abandoning his school, so I always knock on the side from time to time, hoping that my child will understand that only by working hard now can I have the life I want, such as food and clothing, and realizing my dreams.
Later, after reading many articles, I found a truth, although Park Shu's parents are not ordinary, but they are consistent with the ideas of ordinary parents.
They planned a life route for Pu Shu, Peking University Affiliated Elementary School - Peking University Affiliated Middle School - Peking University, hoping that Park Shu would embark on the road of scientific research like them.
But they failed, and Park Shu was not admitted to Peking University Affiliated High School because of the difference of 0.5 points, and went to junior high school, becoming silent and unsociable, not smiling, and depressed. In high school, I wanted to buy a piano, my parents did not agree, it was my brother who bought it. At the strong request of his parents, he was reluctantly admitted to the Capital Normal University.
His parents also hated iron and steel, but depression and another time with myocarditis, his parents tolerated him, allowed him to do what he wanted to do, and respected his ideas.
In Park's time, the problem of depression was minimal, at best called "neurasthenia." ”
Park Shu's parents should also be suffering, Park Shu once saw a lot of books under his father's bed, all about how to cure the disease, it is really the heart of the world's parents.
From Park Shu's experience, we can see the shadow of modern parents and children, when the reality and ideals deviate, they will take a detour. Some lessons need to be learned.
Stress is too much, and sometimes it's not motivation but hurt
The traditional concept is that there is pressure to be motivated, set a goal for the child, and the child will do his best to catch up. But sometimes, this proposition does not hold.
Some children are more sensitive, have too many ideas, are inconsistent with the requirements of their parents, and because the environment is too good to know the pain, but also face the pressure environment outside the parents and other factors, the child's psychology may not be able to withstand the weight of pressure, in the case of no one understands, may be depressed.
Now the reality that children face is more than Pu Shu, more likely to be depressed, and data also show that 1 in every 5 children in 10-15-year-old adolescents is depressed, the proportion is quite high, and parents must pay attention to it.
Children are depressed, and if they do not stop losses in time, they will accompany adulthood and it is difficult to disappear
When a child is depressed, we may think that like a cold and fever, rest, take medicine, and relax in the mood can be good. Then seeing that the child has good signs, he starts to add weight again.
In fact, depression is severe, and if not handled well, it will last for many years, and adults will not necessarily get better. Like Park Shu, who has been battling depression, for a while he couldn't even go on stage and couldn't handle interpersonal relationships, which was quite torturous.
Therefore, we must pay attention to those children who are plagued by depression, really understand him, and get close to his heart so that he can get better as soon as possible.
At the beginning of the child's problem, make a decision early and don't be demanding
No one wants to let the plan fall short, and hopes that the child will follow the path paved for him by his parents step by step and steadily. But the sky is not the wish, when the child can not move forward, it is necessary to make a decisive decision, do not force.
Give up your own decisions, respect your child's choices, and in the present situation, it is enlightened to say that it is good to hear a little, and it is helpless to say that it is difficult to hear. The thinking of most of our parents is indeed still stuck at the level of "hoping for a son to become a dragon and a daughter to become a phoenix", abandoning the decision, and indeed carrying out a fierce ideological struggle.
As long as children can find their own living space in this society, if they have the ability to make some contributions, it is always good.
epilogue
Park Shu's experience has given me a new perspective on educating children. What parents pursue all their lives is not necessarily what their children pursue. When a child wants to go the other way, we may not be able to sway. It is true that when you are powerless to return to heaven, you can only respect the child, and it is better to respect the child later than to respect it early, and it may be better to let the child be free.
I'm @Gelma Goku
Mother of two boys, more than 10 years of parenting experience
Accompany children to read, English enlightenment, science enlightenment
Share parenting insights and land parenting dry goods
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