Recommend to everyone a must-see Japanese healing film "Kai's New Life", which is a very real film, through seeing the heroine's experience in the original family, gender relations, interpersonal communication, chasing dreams and other experiences, but also to see ourselves.
It is precisely because there are many resonances, so many girls around me are directly watching and crying, and some directly start the healing process, including me. When we are able to "see" more deeply, it means more liberation and freedom. I can't help but sigh: it turns out that the human script has a lot of similarities!
The film is about the 28-year-old Oshima who works at a home appliance manufacturing company in Tokyo, always has to look at people's faces, and the goal of every day is to get through safely and smoothly, and is a representative of the good old man who is "serious and cowardly and gentle", good at observing the color, and seriously flattering personality. She fainted from breathing because she was forced to cooperate with others, and when she woke up, she quit her job, broke up with her boyfriend, and began a reset life to find herself.
Here are some of my personal afterthoughts.
Inspiration one: the influence of the original family
It seems that there are similarities among mothers all over the world. The protagonist is a person who is very good at observing the color, from a young age to his mother to observe the color, to the mother's words obedient, only promises, do not dare to resist, unconsciously formed a flattering personality.
There is a scene: she does not like to eat corn, when she saw her when she was a child, she did not eat it, and her mother was angry enough to throw all the boiled corn into the trash can, complaining that her daughter had wasted the fruits of their adults' hard work.
It should have been from then on that Kai made a decision that as long as she was in front of her mother, she would pretend to love corn, and do this only to make her mother happy, although she was not happy. After that, she made many life choices, all for her mother's happiness, found a decent job in Tokyo, and made a decent boyfriend. (At that time, she did not seem to have independent thinking and choices, everything was based on the standards of her mother and collective consciousness, she completely lost herself, in interpersonal communication, it was a variety of flattering patterns.)
We can see that this kind of flattery model was slowly learned from "pleasing" her mother when she was a child, and when she grew up, she began to please the world, please colleagues in the company, help colleagues carry the black pot, and help colleagues work overtime. However, her flattery did not exchange the sincere gratitude of her colleagues, and everyone talked about her stupid bullying behind her back. In the end, she finally decided to resign and leave.
Let's analyze it, in the early days, behind this flattering personality of Kai, there was fear, fear that my mother would not be happy, and extended to fear that my mother would not love me. When I grew up, although I was far away from my mother, this fear of not being loved was still there, and frankly, she was everywhere to please! In fact, how many people in this world have reached the state of unconditional love? So how can you expect someone else to satisfy you? Besides, how can a person who does not even love himself expect the love of others?
The first realm of love can only be self-love. You can only learn to love yourself first, in order to love yourself overflowing to love others, this time love is pure and unconditional. On the other hand, if your love is not satisfied, you seem to be blindly giving, and if you do not get the corresponding return, the sense of sacrifice and victim patterns will come out. That's why many moms fall into "victim" mode.
Because mothers themselves also desire love, they also give a lot of love to their children in their own way, but not necessarily in the way that their children like. In this way, suffering arises. So, as parents, we have to examine the patterns we do with our children, is it really from unconditional love? Or is it to satisfy your own desires? Or is it to be beautiful in front of everyone? Or is it to meet the standards of collective consciousness? Have you ever thought you could let your child be your true self?
On the other hand, we can see that the mother is "controlling" the daughter in this way, so that the daughter has a deep sense of guilt, and then dare not disobey next time, which is actually an energy entanglement.
Usually, in our Chinese families, do we often hear parents say to their children: "I am all for you, how to get what", "for you, I sacrificed something". Behind these expressions, in fact, the parents define themselves as a "victim" identity, so that the child invisibly inherits a lot of guilt, and begins to have such a voice inside: it is all because of me, you are not happy; it is all because of me, you are not happy. I really shouldn't have done that! How can I be like this!
This is one type of energy control in the home. But, in retrospect, is this the truth? Is one person's happiness and happiness based on another external person? Shouldn't everyone be 100% responsible for their own happiness, happiness, and all emotions and behaviors?
If the parents do not have this awareness, then this family model will be copied from generation to generation, and many people in the family will become "victims" and "persecutors". If the protagonist does not change, it is estimated that she will inherit the mother's model in the future and "control" the child in the same way. Under such energy entanglement, both sides are actually uncomfortable.
So, let's all learn to be a whole person and pay 100% responsibility for each other for ourselves. At the same time, let's all learn the lesson of perfecting our own homework and the completion of our relationship with our parents. This lesson is very important. His Holiness Bachchan once said that life is relationship. And our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with our parents, determines our relationship with everyone around us. You will find that the way you get along with your parents directly affects your way of getting along with your colleagues, partners, and children. Because these procedures for getting along are already written in your childhood.
Therefore, the first step, you must first see your program, and then correct your program, so that you are both back to a complete person, instead of falling into the mode of mutual control, flattery, victimization, etc., and then, let yourself become a responsible, independent and loving individual for life, each living the wonderful life! There is at the same time pure love flowing and nourishing with each other. This is the most perfect state.
On a higher level, in fact, it is you who chose the parents, partners, children, etc. in your life blueprint earlier, and it is precisely because your soul has such homework to learn, so you choose the family who can bring you these lessons, and you invite them to play such a role in your script, to interpret such a script, so that you can complete your homework as soon as possible and pass the game on earth.
When you can see the prototype of the script, you no longer complain about them, but instead rise up a deep gratitude. Because what they bring to you is a great gift of life growth and soul.
So, with awareness, go see the script of your life, look at your parents and family, see the subjects you want to learn, and boldly go through the barriers!
Inspiration 2: Who else do you want to cling to?
Emotionally, the protagonist unconsciously clings to his boyfriend. This is indeed a common problem for many women.
The former boyfriend Shinji (left) is a colleague of Kai, a business elite of the company, a table of talents, and an object of admiration for many female colleagues in the company. In her dealings with Shinji, Kai has no self at all, which is similar to the pattern in which she gets along with her mother. Almost treat your boyfriend with obedience.
In order to please her boyfriend, she had to get up an hour early every day and straighten her natural curly hair because it would look better. She cooks for her boyfriend every day, expecting her boyfriend to open their relationship in public as soon as possible, hoping to get married as soon as possible, so that her mother will be very happy.
However, once she overheard her boyfriend chatting with male colleagues and saying that he was only with her because "it was better in that regard", she was greatly shocked and fell ill. After that, move out of the boyfriend as quickly as possible and offer to break up.
She moved to a country apartment to start vacation mode, 28 years old, unemployed and out of love. At this time, mr. warm male power next door gave her a lot of gentle touches, and unconsciously she fell in love with Mr. Quan (right) and could not extricate herself. She began to look at the color again, and once again she paid full attention to Mr. Kwon, and she was almost gone.
Just when she was looking forward to the small happiness with Mr. Quan, she was poured cold water by the insider, it turned out that Mr. Quan was a timely and free-spirited boy, he had a lot of girls at the same time, but he did not care, so many women were trapped under his tenderness. When he learns that he is only one of them, Kai is devastated and willing to fall into depravity, and begins to fall asleep, eat junk food, and become a "zombie". At this time, her ex-boyfriend reminded her: he is unreliable! Who do you want to cling to again!
Yes, she suddenly woke up, and she saw that she had just gone from clinging to one man and then starting to clinging to another! When she saw her "attachment" mode, she resolutely returned the key to Mr. Quan's home to him and let him go from her heart. It was then that Kai began to learn to truly be an independent and perfect woman, and began to find a job and cultivate more interests.
In intimate relationships, we can see that this attachment is common. When a person wants to attach to a person, in fact, the parasitic life begins, for example, when she is with Mr. Kwon, She is very happy; but when she is with him, she is very miserable and completely loses herself. Mr. Quan, on the other hand, can be at ease in front of every woman. Until the end, when Mr. Kwon found out that he had truly fallen in love with Kai, he also fell into the pain of Kai's past and left disappointed in "asking for it".
When Kai began to become independent, constantly trying things that he had never dared to try before, such as driving by himself, singing in a crowd, organizing parties, rescuing his sisters in public, etc., his ex-boyfriend said something meaningful: You can finally live independently without me.
Yes, thanks to the painful experience given by the men, kai can think about the pain, find themselves, reset their lives, and no longer have to be a parasite for men. A very interesting reversal is that when Kai let go of his expectations for men and lived his independence and consummation, the original ex-boyfriend and amorous Mr. Kwon, who often hurt him, respected her and liked her more from the heart. It turned out that she thought they had all abandoned her, and then they were all robbing her.
- So, do women understand? You spend all your energy on pleasing men, but men are getting farther and farther away from you; on the contrary, you focus your energy on yourself, and men are getting closer and closer to you. What a funny reversal! Maybe that's what the saying goes: Flowers bloom and butterflies come. So, women, bloom your own flowers! Stop thinking about who to cling to! Living your own life to perfection is more important than any man!
Share a classic quote you just saw:
Remember, when you are self-reliant, you may one day be able to walk without feet and disappear.
#让你人生醒悟的一句话是什么 #
Inspiration 3: Express from the heart
Shinji, the ex-boyfriend of Kai, is actually a knife-mouthed tofu heart person, who obviously loves Kai in his heart, and what comes out of his mouth is poisonous, ironic, and disrespectful language. For example, she exploded ugly, shabby, etc., in the company, Shinji also pretended not to know Kai, and never publicly introduced the identity of her girlfriend at external parties. When chatting with a male colleague, he also said that he and Kai were "just compatible because of that aspect", but they were overheard by Kai and were so cold that they broke up.
Because Shinji's language has no expression of love at all, So That Kai has always felt that her boyfriend only has sex and no love for her. This is not the case, after breaking up with Kai, Shinji cried several times in pain, at the bar, on the way. The owner of the bar enlightens him, in fact, he only needs to tell Kai from the bottom of his heart that he likes her. However, Shinji could not do it. Ming Ming loved it very much in his heart, but his mouth was still mean and vicious language, so that when ShinJi first came to Kai's country apartment twice, Kai Du angrily drove him away. At that time, the root cause of them really lay in "no good communication."
In fact, Shinji knew very early that Kai was curly hair, but it did not affect his love for her in the slightest, and he also told himself in his heart that he would take good care of this girl in this life. Unfortunately, he didn't talk to Kai face to face. Another time, he took Kai to a party with his friends, originally wanted to introduce Kai to friends publicly, and it turned out that a buddy just lost love is very painful, in this atmosphere, he is embarrassed to disclose his relationship, just don't want to make the brothers more sad. However, Kai was sad. Shinji, on the other hand, still did not express the true situation with Kai.
In fact, their family growth situation is somewhat similar, often in order to make their family members happy, and do things to force themselves. For example, Shinji will pretend to laugh in the family, and in order to make the elders happy, he will hide his unhappiness. After the mask is worn for a long time, it becomes more and more duplicitous. Treat Kai, that's it. Ming ming liked it, but his mouth said that he wanted to break up with her 800%. As a result, it was divided, and another person secretly cried bitterly.
However, after the breakup, every time Kai needs help, he always lends a helping hand and expresses his love for Kai with practical actions. In the end, it was his brother who woke him up, can he live a little more really, don't live with a mask anymore, Shinji has the first very sincere expression of Kai: he really really likes her. When he expressed it truthfully, he was stunned! Because, during their years of dating, the message she received was that he didn't love her, just "that's right". In fact, it's just a joke on men's lips. However, women are easy to take seriously. Therefore, how important is a well-intentioned communication, otherwise it is easy to cause misunderstanding.
After sincere communication, coupled with Shinji's many times of help, as well as feedback from people around him, Kai finally felt that Shinji truly loved her, not what he said verbally. But why can't we talk well when we're together?
Perhaps, this is the lesson of learning from each other! In this relationship, Shinji slowly learned to express his sincerity and achieved unity of heart and mouth. And Kai also learned how to no longer please and express it according to his heart. For example, a sister sells crystals to her, and she struggles with what to do. In the past, when others were selling her anything, she bought it because she was embarrassed to reject others. This time, when she heard that her inner voice was unwanted, she finally boldly expressed her refusal. In that moment, she felt very relaxed, respecting how important it was to express her heart.
Inspiration four: Dreams still have to be had
After the owner resigned, she went to the library to see a book that instructed her to make her wish list, and as a result, she pondered for an afternoon, but she still did not think about what she wanted.
However, it is clear that the heroine already knows to say goodbye to the past. As she gradually found herself, her wish list began to become clear, such as a lot of warm content: listening to music, reading books, being interested in others, and so on. She and her female partner also have their own dreams - to open a coin-operated laundry room. This dream, for the past she did not dare to think. With the encouragement of her female companion, she began to have the courage to try and began to lay the foundation for this, such as finding a job in a chain laundry room, where she could learn and accumulate experience while learning. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, although the dream can not be in place in one step, but it can still be down-to-earth, which is the inspiration given by the heroine.
Dreams still have to be had, what if they come true? Have you found the dream that excites you the most? If not, then start thinking about it now. It's important to say, are you excited about this? This is a true feeling that comes from the heart. For example, the heroine is actually very good at life, and even her ex-boyfriend said that she is very suitable for a laundry career. This is also why when she and her female partner talk about this dream, they will be excited. Everyone comes with their own talent, so have you ever wondered where your talent lies? Are you on your own talent track? Talent + hard work, so what other dreams can not be realized?
Original article, please like and pay attention to it!
#Female ##Positive Energy##Body-Mind##原生家庭 #