"I don't have ambitions to be a doctor, and I don't have any big goals in my life."
"I don't have any special skills, and I don't want to live a luxurious life."
"For work, as long as I don't cause trouble for others, I want to continue to do it."
These seemingly "unambitious" words come from a 90-year-old grandmother, Nakamura Hengzi, who has been engaged in psychiatry work for 70 years, and she always gives people a clear and bright gentleness and determination.
Tsuneko Nakamura
In the past century, she has used her shallow wisdom of life to heal the trivialities of life and stretch the sufferings of the years.
In her, you can't see the vicissitudes coming from adversity, you can't see fatigue and anxiety, only the calmness and open-mindedness of life.
A complete life, when looking back, Grandma Hengzi can sigh comfortably:
"My life is worthless."
However, it is precisely the posture of not being impatient and not angry that makes her live a simple and interesting life.
With the passage of time, she uses simple and profound language to restore the appearance of life for us in the book "Worth it on Earth".
After listening to the story of Hengzi's grandmother, you will find that it is better to walk in the human world and try to become an ordinary person.
The longest happiness lies in keeping a distance
When we were young, we all thought that we had to have a decent job, a happy marriage, and a life that everyone envied.
What must be done forces us to embark on a road full of thorns.
Grandma Hengzi's husband is a surgeon.
After marriage, he drank heavily for many years, liked to entertain guests, and never cared about the financial situation of the family, which made Hengzi think about divorce countless times.
On several occasions, she even put the divorce agreement in front of her, but when her husband woke up drunk, she began to apologize, and so on many times, until Hengzi gave up the idea of changing her husband.
Image source: Japanese drama "What About the Loose Generation"
In her opinion, instead of trying to be happy by changing others, think about "how to be happy about yourself" or "how to try to make yourself happy here", which is the key that should be considered.
The bottom line in maintaining this marriage is that Hengzi decides to endure until they can stand side by side at her son's wedding and speak.
With this belief, she began to stay away from bad emotions, and poured out her patience and dissatisfaction with her husband to the patients who came to see a doctor, but she did not expect to resonate with many people and become a good medicine to heal each other.
Life is like this, the people and things you encounter will not necessarily satisfy yourself, and the problems that seem to have to be faced do not necessarily have to find answers.
Spending effort to cope with more troubles, embarrassing yourself to do unhappy things, such a life even if you win, but also lose the mood.
For a long time in a relationship, in addition to learning to change the mentality to accept, there must also be a sense of distance.
Image source: Japanese drama "The Most Perfect Divorce"
In the book, Hengzi says:
"There are not a few people who are troubled by relationships, and whenever you ask to remember: wherever we go, we are always just one person. This phrase also applies between parents and children.
Everyone has their own thoughts and wills, so it is impossible to live forever toward the same goal. ”
Whether it is a husband and wife, children, when you are no longer bound by the so-called relationship, life will not be heavy.
Hengzi in life did not make too deep friendships and never interfered in the lives of his children.
Hengzi has two sons, and although she is very busy at work, she never shows the strength and majesty of her mother and imposes her ideas on her children.
Letting her children grow up healthy and free is her most common wish as a mother.
When she became an adult, her son married and had children, lived in the same neighborhood as her, and she kept her distance from them.
Greetings and reunions every weekend are tacit agreements.
Nakamura Tsuneko at her son's wedding
As he grew older, his husbands began to become less stubborn, no longer alcoholics, and gentle.
He is a good father in the eyes of his son, and he is also the kind and warm grandfather in his grandson's heart.
When her husband is seriously ill, Hengzi will also do her best to take care of him and accompany him to do rehabilitation training.
The tenacity forged by time did not make the two people jealous of each other because of suffering and pain, but gave them the opportunity to re-examine marriage and life.
In Hengzi's heart, the "love" thing seems to be a good thing, but on the other hand, it will make you expect and cling to others, and make you become "selfish" in the relationship.
Image source: Japanese drama "Maybe suddenly, tomorrow I'm going to get married"
The relationship between people who are bound and dependent on each other is both unsound and unnatural, and can even make people feel tired.
The more intimate the relationship, the more you need to know how to let go and keep a certain distance in your heart. When you no longer lose your sense of proportion and boundaries and put your relationship in tension, then you will not be bothered by negative emotions.
In a truly long-term relationship, don't try to change the other person, but learn to keep your distance and live out yourself.
Don't like work? Better to do it
I don't like this job, it's boring and tedious; the position and salary of this job are not satisfactory to me; I am not happy at work, should I leave my job?
In the workplace, everyone may experience such a problem. We often hesitate between likes and dislikes, and it is even more difficult to be at ease with our work.
But Hengzi tells us:
People are often taught to "have big ambitions", but if the desire is too high, the brain will fall into anxiety about the future, only staring at the future, it can not focus on the present, so it often feels confused.
When Hengzi was 16 years old, because of her small stature, she was full of worries about the future. At that time there was a shortage of doctors in the country, and the uncle who happened to be in Osaka said:
"Whoever wants to study medicine, I will fund his tuition."
So the young Hengzi went to Osaka alone and became a medical student.
After graduation, because of the turbulent social environment, she went from an unpaid intern to an unpaid doctor.
The embarrassment and hardship of life never made her give up this job.
It wasn't until she was introduced to help as an assistant in a clinic that she got a little bit of a return.
However, the heavy medical work still cannot solve the pain caused by the disease, which makes her feel powerless and makes her rethink how to treat patients better.
Image source: Japanese drama "Obstetric Doctor Bird"
Later, when she met a classmate who had been interning, she learned that there was a shortage of medical assistants in the psychiatric department of a hospital in Nara, so she decided to leave.
On the surface, the psychiatric work is decent and very stable.
In the face of the country's scarce beds, nearly ten times as many patients can only be held in their own confinement cells, imprisoned and controlled.
Hengzi's main job is to rescue these patients from the dark and damp corners and send them to the hospital for treatment.
The nature of the work, which is not understood by ordinary people, makes her labeled as eccentric.
Helping psychopaths regain self-confidence, encouraging them to progress, and making themselves doctors willing to open their hearts has become Hengzi's sacred mission.
What she didn't expect was that this work was a lifetime.
Nowadays, it seems that hengzi has done a long time of work without money, no future, and thankless work, but she said:
"It should not be 'because the work in front of you is bad, which leads to yourself like this', but should consciously 'take the initiative to change the work in front of you through your own efforts and live out yourself'."
It is precisely because it is impossible to predict the future road, it is even more necessary to take every step in front of us.
Image source: Japanese drama "We are made of miracles"
Hengzi only began to learn to use computers when she was almost 80 years old, and when she encountered operations that she would not do, she would be sincere and frank, and humbly consult the nurses around her.
Before the age of 88, Hengzi also had to work 6 days a week.
For an elderly person, such an overloaded workload is obviously worrying.
However, she believes that it is the best state of life to face proper busy work and not to work for the purpose of sacrificing body and mind.
The more important the small things in the moment are done, the fewer confused days will be.
Don't look ahead and look back, do it when you encounter challenges; don't be frustrated and decadent, and do it in the face of failure.
In this process, someone is satisfied with your work, and that is the greatest reward for your efforts.
As Hengzi said, it may be better not to base all self-worth on work, but to work with the idea of "doing a little for the people around you".
A person's value is not only to achieve great success, but also to do some trivial things just right, to help some people, to solve some problems, and it is enough.
You can never find a job that makes you completely satisfied, only by changing your mentality and using actions to dispel your worries, can you find the charm of the job in the day-to-day persistence.
Image source: Japanese drama "The Recommendation of the Living Woman"
A good life doesn't have to work too hard
The road of life is not a road of upward climbing, but an ups and downs, winding melody.
In the face of adversity, a person's posture of doing their best is good, but fighting with it may not necessarily usher in a turnaround.
Living too hard will only make you more anxious and exacerbate the gap between ideals and reality.
After Hengzi left home to study, she was doing unpaid work, coping with successive exams, and facing sudden changes, which made her have no time to plan her life.
Thinking hard about what kind of person you want to become, what kind of profession you want to engage in, it is better not to stop tangling, so day after day, one by one.
Hengzi feels that life is that no matter how you plan, there will still be different problems at different times, or consistency, or deviation.
Therefore, it is not necessary to plan everything.
Living your own life at your own pace is the natural thing to do.
Image source: Japanese drama "I, to the end of work"
When the child was born, Hengzi hesitated between work and family.
At this time, her parents came from her hometown to help her take care of her children, which made her return to the workplace.
But the busy work makes her have no time to participate in the growth of her children, and she has lost the right to discipline her children.
Living with my parents for a long time, my husband complained and the relationship between husband and wife became more and more tense.
At the same time, Grandma Hengzi also has to undertake more than 80 mental patients, responsible for daily outpatient and duty work.
Perhaps it was the unhappiness of the marriage that allowed her to accumulate a lot of work experience; perhaps it was the focus on work that made her reduce the troubles of life, hengzi was not defeated by difficulties, she firmly believed:
"Everything has two sides, and painful experiences can expand human nature, just as muscles can be exercised and stretched."
After the child grew up, Hengzi sighed, even if he once felt tormented, but when he looked back, he realized that that was the real growth.
There is a kind of growth, not to use all means to change, but to learn to adjust slowly.
Japanese wood designer Ryuji Mitani wrote:
"Life, even if you don't go anywhere, you are still going far away."
Image source: Japanese drama "We Can't Be Beasts"
Accustomed to watching the inspirational counterattack of chicken blood, the movie "Jade Who Does Not Seek Progress" shows us another way of living in life.
After graduating from college, Tamako did not have a job, and slept until noon every day, and went to dinner when it was time.
The appearance of doing nothing all day and being muddy made her father can't help but scold her.
Image source: Japanese drama "Tamako who does not seek progress"
In fact, ordinary small town girls are not without dreams.
When she was attracted by the glamorous celebrity pictorial, the eager Tamako ran to lose her hair, took a photo, and planned to send it to the entertainment company.
But before she could burn the enthusiasm, she finally gave up easily.
Without working hard for the dream, nor full of motivation, such a "lost" Jade, seemingly negative and world-weary, but let people feel some faint and clear changes.
For the future, she still faces countless possibilities, and still has the opportunity to re-choose and start.
As Hengzi tells us:
Don't care whether you plan your next life, live each day step by step, and stick to it clumsily, and your unexpected side will appear in life.
Life is so long, not eager to grow, not toss, not blindly follow, you will definitely be able to become what you like.
People are born with suffering and suffering, and unsatisfactory life can also follow.
Although the appearance of a bright and beautiful life is dazzling, the ordinary and comfortable little days are not necessarily dull.
"Perfection is the enemy of happiness", if you pursue perfection in everything, you will only make yourself miserable and paranoid, and your life will be messy.
At any time, maintain a cheerful and open-minded attitude, and live according to the inner thoughts, in order to live a vivid and cheerful life.
In this lifetime, how people should live should be decided by themselves.
As Hengzi said:
"The satisfaction of life is not determined by others, and you should never pursue the same life as others, so please realize that 'this is your own life'."
Author | How chubby, in the world of words, to be a person with temperature.
Anchor | Yi Fan, radio host, sound temperature explorer.
Image | Originated from the Internet, if there is infringement, please contact to delete.