Yesterday I stumbled upon a video about an 84-year-old Nanjing University professor looking for his 23-year-old son.
My son has had a good academic record since he was a child, and after graduating from the physics department of NTU in 1994, he left home to work in Beijing. Because I have always felt that my parents' discipline is too strict and there is too much intervention. After arriving in Beijing for 3 months, he informed his parents that he had disassociated himself from his parents and had not been in contact for 23 years.
The 84-year-old professor has white hair and an old dragon clock. In the program, he constantly reflected on his mistakes, saying that his educational methods were not right, too strict and harsh, and his paternalistic style delayed the child's future and affected the child's growth. I hope that the program team can help find the son, say sorry in person, hope to get the forgiveness of the son, and continue the family affection.
For this incident, everyone was also very touched and talked about. The majority of netizens said that the old professor was indeed too much, which is why his son did this. Many self-media have also written articles advocating that only equal families can cultivate good children. I don't quite agree with everyone.2
With the development of the times and the progress of society, everyone pays more and more attention to education, especially family education, which is not wrong. But does homeschooling have a 100% impact on people? Was it the decisive factor? Studies have shown that genes affect people in 60% and the remaining 40% on people. And this 40% is divided into the internal environment, that is, the family environment and the external environment, that is, the environment outside the home.
In summary, the impact of the family environment on children may only account for 20%! After the child reaches puberty, the impact of the family environment on the child is more likely to be only 5%! Of course, I personally feel that even if family education can only have a 20% impact on children, as a parent, you should still make 100% efforts!
So in this incident, I personally feel that the old professor must be at fault, but the son's mistake is even greater. If the old professor's fault is 20%, then the son's fault should be 80%. Parents can have a lot of limitations, and they can have a lot of problems. But because parents are not choices, as children, we can only accept and self-regulate, deal with the relationship with our parents, and realize ourselves. That's the wise choice.
And this son blindly blamed his parents, and could not forgive his parents for 23 years. In doing so, I am sorry for my parents and I have bound myself. Therefore, this person himself has a large personality defect, and will have today's situation. This can also be seen from his own statement, he is 47 years old, has worked in Beijing for 23 years with a high education, but he is not yet married and cannot afford to buy a house.
Coincidentally, I remembered an issue of gold medal mediation I had seen before. A mother with no academic qualifications is just a supermarket tally clerk. But hard work, thrifty, before and after taking out hundreds of thousands of dollars to the 20-something son to do business. The son's business has been losing money, but he still does not work steadily, and still reaches out to his mother for money. The mother is powerless, but she is still blamed by her son.
Just because this mother divorced herself and lived with 2 children when she was young, it was very hard, and there was no culture, when life was stressful, she would beat the child and take the child to be angry, so that the son had a so-called psychological shadow. The mother always felt sorry for her son and wanted to compensate. The son himself did not show up, but felt that it was caused by his mother's education, so he thought that the compensation given to him by his mother was deserved. It's ridiculous!
Interestingly, this mother has two children and a girl. Girls and boys are 2 years apart, so childhood experiences are similar. Connecting this girl on the spot, she did not have any problems, became a teacher, and lived positively. He expressed his understanding of his mother's practices and was grateful for her mother's nurturing grace. This incident also shows that the same family education, different children will have completely different results. The cause of different results is more often the difference of individuals. The family factor should not be exaggerated too much.
A more extreme example is the nationally famous female host Oprah. Winfrey. She was an illegitimate daughter who lived in a slum as a child, was raped at the age of 9, smoked as a prostitute, and gave birth to a child at the age of 14, dying prematurely. It was such a childhood, with no family education to speak of. But then, she seized the opportunity in her life, gave full play to her eloquence and speech ability, became the most popular female host in the United States, and made the List of Forbes, with great success.
In today's society, everyone attaches great importance to family education, which is right. As I said earlier, even if family education can only have a 20% impact on children, as a parent, you should still make 100% efforts! But for the results, we should not blindly emphasize the parents' factors and blame the parents. As a child, you should see more of your own problems, and personal factors are far greater than environmental factors.
What do you think? Welcome to leave a message to discuss.