With the escalation of the epidemic situation, various social activities have been suspended, and isolation at home has become the norm.
During this "special" time, many parents can suspend the matters in their hands and "stay at home" to accompany their children at home. But what makes many parents tired is that this parent-child time is not as quiet and beautiful as imagined, in the narrow home, children have no social and activity space, in the face of endless online classes and tutoring, parents' only patience is quickly exhausted.
The chores faced every day make parents gradually irritable, which inevitably affects the family atmosphere. Parents and children are in a boring mood, even if they are careful when getting along, they will always have a nameless fire, disputes and even fierce confrontations because of various trivial matters.
In recent times, there have also been customers who have consulted online about how to get along with children.
I think this should be a common problem for families today.
There is a concept in psychology called "emotional transfer", which means that when an individual's emotions exceed the threshold, they will vent their overflowing emotions to lower objects, so as to achieve psychological balance and stability. This emotional transfer includes both good emotions and bad emotions such as anger and depression, but in general, the transfer efficiency of bad emotions is far more than that of good emotions, just like germs, which are highly contagious and destructive. For example, when we are in a good mood, we want to share with others, but it is often difficult to make others feel empathy; but if it is a negative emotion, just a few sighs and a face are enough to make other people's good mood quickly deteriorate.
Why is it that during the epidemic prevention and control period, the parent-child relationship is more difficult to maintain than in the past? Why is mental health a major issue in the risk control phase? A large part of the reason is that during the lockdown period, the narrow environment exacerbates the spread of anxiety.
Many times, parents have transferred anxiety to their children through some behavioral actions without consciousness. For example, if parents do not buy vegetables smoothly, when the child is picky on the table, they will immediately cool down their faces to reprimand; for example, if the child writes homework after completing the online class, the teacher requires parental counseling, many parents will habitually nag and point; for example, because the epidemic work is not going well, the economic pressure is sudden, and the dull and gloomy face is displayed, the child will naturally feel depressed, and the mood is difficult to be clear.
The recurrence of the epidemic has indeed caused us a lot of headaches, but bad mood is not the solution to the problem. Parents want to get out of the predicament, improve the parent-child relationship must first achieve meditation, less talk, less accusations and less discussion, and do not bring the unhappiness of life and work to the family. 3-year-old children have keen emotional perception ability, 7-year-old children have initially possessed self-awakening cognition, every action of parents, every sentence, children can feel the emotional changes behind them. Therefore, parents should not become the output machine of anxiety, but should control their emotions, change their ideas and concepts, try positive and meaningful behaviors, and make their lives clear.
First, be open and honest with your children
If parents are in a feeling of insecurity, it is easy to pass negative emotions to their children, and if they want to change this state, parents must learn to communicate with their children, talk about their ideas and concepts, and obtain their children's understanding and recognition.
Parents should first put down the majesty and shelf, control language and emotions, and take the initiative to talk to their children about the epidemic, life, and difficulties, which can not only channel inner anxiety, but also increase family intimacy. For example, in terms of food, parents can truthfully tell their children about the difficulties of material supply, and try innovative methods of ingredients with children, so that they can restrain the habits of picky eating and anorexia; for example, in terms of space and time division, parents can agree with their children on their respective areas and activities to help children establish regular work and rest habits, maintain the relative independence of family space, and let each other no longer conflict.
2. Carry out a number of indoor activities
Attention transfer method is the most effective way to solve anxiety, if parents and children limit communication to homework counseling all day long, it will inevitably breed contradictions, if there is a wealth of activities involved, you can put lubricant on the parent-child relationship.
Although the indoor space is limited, the activities that can be carried out are rich and diverse, and parents can choose according to the appropriateness of the child's age stage. In the 3-7-year-old child stage, telling stories, reading fairy tales, listening to music for children are very good ways to communicate; 8-16-year-old children, curiosity, self-awareness, parents can appropriately arrange housework for their children, chat with children, watch variety shows, take children to read or simple indoor sports, so that their lives are colorful; if there are adult children at home, parents stop nagging behavior and give them enough personal space.
epilogue:
Parents and children are not born with an antagonistic relationship, as long as parents can be more patient, more tolerant, learn to listen to their children's ideas, respect the child's self-space, then children will be willing to communicate with parents, talk. A good parent-child relationship lies in the maintenance of the heart, during the sealing period, parents should manage their emotions well, and do not let the child become the catharsis of your anxiety.
Shanghai Psychological Counseling - Good Psychologist - Shanghai Lotte Psychological Counseling Center