Author: Zhao Xiaoming Text: Xing Juan Editor: Cui Guanli
Quotes from Bob
In the early morning of a young and crazy day, you see the sun rising at the end of the field of vision, when the sky is incredibly blue, you want to deeply imprint this moment in your heart, but you know better, life is no longer as wonderful as that day, but the eyes still have to look forward.
Article Introduction
Today we will continue to talk about the eighth stage of the "Eight Phases of Life":
That's 65 years old. The core issue of the eighth stage is death anxiety. People at different ages in their lives will have death anxiety or fear of death.
This article analyzes it from different age stages.
01
Fear of death arises from before birth
People have had this fear or death anxiety since infancy. Why is it that psychology all over the world believes that children should be fully secure at this time.
In real life, the sense of security is mainly manifested as: parents often hold the child, touch the child, the child can get full warmth, hear the mother's voice and enough feeding milk, these basic common sense we parents know.
But what many parents don't know is that people's fear of death actually arises before the birth of a child.
When? It's the perinatal period. Many hormone levels of perinatal mothers are passed on to their children through the umbilical cord.
At this stage, if the mother often has some bad emotions, especially fear, uneasiness, and nervousness, as long as these emotions are generated, her heart rate will increase, and hormones will quickly affect the child through the umbilicus.
These anxiety hormones, adrenotropes, stress cortisol hormones, etc., which cause people to produce tension, fear, and restlessness, enter the child's body. The child is fully received by the mother's emotions and produces the same anxiety and uneasiness as the mother.
At this stage, the child is particularly sensitive to many of the mother's physiological reactions, such as the heartbeat. If the mother is suddenly nervous, her heart beats faster, and her heartbeat is often unstable, the child can feel the changes brought about by the mother and will be uneasy.
Security is reflected in many stages of life, and the child receives a sense of security or insecurity from the mother during the perinatal period.
02
Return to the mother is a psychotic act of social withdrawal
A lot of psychology on the Internet only talks about a certain stage, not understanding that security is a lifelong thing.
After the perinatal period, the child is born with another experience of insecurity. This mainly depends on whether there are some serious dangers at birth. For example, difficulties in birth, umbilical cord around the neck and so on.
The first stage of building a sense of security in a child after birth is the month after birth.
The above content has been specifically studied by Bion.
Lacan studied that when a child is just born, because the external environment is not as good as in the womb, the child will have the desire to return to the mother.
Lacan refers to this as a hidden schizophrenia personality structure that exists in everyone.
Lacan believed that everyone had the desire to return to the matrix, and he called this the psychotic personality structure that everyone has.
This desire to return to the mother can now be seen in the child, and it is obvious that lying flat produces avoidance, withdraws from school, and returns to the family to receive the care of him by the family.
These are called social avoidance withdrawal phenomena, that is, Lacan said that everyone hides the desire to return to the matrix, and this social avoidance is essentially a kind of mental phenomenon.
Because the external environment brings bad experiences to the child, the child will have a stronger desire to return to the mother.
03
The sense of security at each stage is gradually cumulative
The biggest feature of mental health is social adaptability, since you have a social maladaptation disorder, it means that you have a psychotic behavior.
Bion's sense of security at the first month of birth means that the child is in the womb for 24 hours without the difference between day and night, and can get the nutrition, safety and warmth he needs at any time. These exist anytime, anywhere, on a 24-hour basis.
After birth, because human beings follow the sun's schedule, children do not have such a habit, so the child is born day and night.
If at night the mother falls asleep when the child has a need that is not immediately met, insecurity will arise.
So at this stage the mother has to do a 24-hour simulated uterus, and the requirements and experience for the mother are very high.
The child's sense of security at each stage is gradually accumulated and increased, and the better the safe experience that the mother creates for the child, the better the child's sense of security at this stage.
If the child has a poor safety experience during the perinatal period, there will be some safety risks at birth.
In the first month of his birth, he will have a stronger need for the safety of his mother than other children. So some mothers will say, "Why does my child seem to have stronger demands than others?" His mother was always with him, and in the middle of the night he suddenly cried and cried to his mother to comfort him.
Why does he ask for more than other children? Because your child is different from other children.
This kind of difference is called hereditary.
These genes of anxiety, nervousness, fear, and insecurity in parents must be passed on to their children. If a child experiences insecurity during the perinatal period, he will be more sensitive than other children.
If a child is born with these problems, in the month after birth, he will behave more nervously, fearfully, need more care, and demand more from adults than other children.
If the mother or a guardian is not able to give him a more secure sense of security, this insecurity factor will accumulate to the next stage.
04
Never compare your own children to others
The next stage is that after a month, the child gradually has the perception of day and night, and he slowly lives according to the human day and night schedule.
But at this time to six months, the child needs sufficient milk to feed, if not eating well, not enough to eat, but also will produce insecurity experience, so people's insecurity experience will gradually accumulate.
If the security in the early stages is not sufficiently established, the next stage will be more. Many parents do not understand this truth, he always compares his own children with other children.
Parents should remember never compare their own children to other people's children.
How could he have different genes from the beginning, different during pregnancy, different births, different months after birth, and different milk from birth to 6 months.
All of this can make a big difference between each child and between children.
The child has a safe experience before 6 months, so the child will behave bolder than other children when they enter the first year of age. Because there is plenty of security.
At the age of one, the child begins to try many things that he did not dare to try in the past, he has to try to walk, try to run, try to touch everything that interests him.
He could see anything in his mouth or want to touch it, and he began to create an autonomous experience.
If the security in the front is insufficient, the child will show a little timidity and timidity than others.
For example, after he touches something or takes two steps, he immediately looks back at the presence of his guardian? He'll run two steps and then suddenly turn around and hold your thighs again.
The sense of security at this stage can understand whether the security of the previous stage is sufficient, and there will be indicators for measurement and testing at this stage.
In general, the sense of security at this stage of the first year will be better than before. Because his autonomous desire to try to explore the world is now out.
05
A sense of accomplishment that controls autonomy can combat insecurity
The child's sense of security is not established in these stages before the age of one. Then at this stage, parents should slowly encourage him, and encourage him to explore the world under the premise of giving him sufficient security and care.
Although people's sense of security is a problem, people's psychological development, do not think that there is a problem that cannot be solved.
On the one hand, people will have a lot of psychological development problems or deficiencies, defects and even obstacles, and at the same time, people have other psychological qualities specifically used to combat this psychological problem.
After people have a lot of experience of timidity, nervousness, and fear before the age of one, when the child tries to explore the world at the age of one, you surround him to give him enough security, he is slightly bumpy, you can immediately give him comfort, and after comfort, encourage him to explore the world.
At this time, the child has self-confidence and self-control, and he feels that he can control the body, grasp what he touches, and taste things. He repeatedly touches something, such as playing with water or playing with something with temperature to experience and experiment with the temperature change of these things.
What are children doing at this stage? On the one hand, I am experiencing the world, and on the other hand, I am creating a sense of accomplishment that I can manipulate my body, that I can control the world, that I can control myself.
The sense of accomplishment of autonomous self-control at this stage can counter the experience of fear and timidity brought about by the lack of security in the previous stage.
06
Positive behavior defends against negative problems
People's psychological character and psychological behavior are actually positive and negative. Positive is used to defend against negative problems.
Even if there have been many experiences of insecurity before, if you take good care of yourself after another stage, he dares to try to have a sense of control and control over himself.
This sense of self-control gives him a sense of security that is enough to resist the negative experiences of the previous stage due to insufficient security.
Of course, before the age of one, children saw terrifying sculptures at night when it was very dark and windy, and some children in the religious field were very afraid of the lack of security when they saw all the idols of human beings. A common psychological illness in children at this stage is a pediatric panic attack.
This type of panic attack, which is often used in rural areas using traditional rituals of the past, gives children a sense of security. For children's panic disorder, Western medicine does not have a particularly good treatment method.
It is certainly inappropriate for children to take calming drugs at this age, so the way traditional culture can bring a sense of security to children is actually effective.
Well, we'll continue on that issue.
Quotes from Bob
The world is converging, but each person is trying to maintain his own unique style, but despite this, we still imitate others to grow and grow old. The world is a contradiction, and that's what the future looks like.
Original public account: Heart Partner (ID: xhbeap)
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