For 0 to 6-year-old children, the biggest misunderstanding of parents in family education is that there is no child in the eyes, do not understand the child's psychological characteristics and development laws, therefore, when educating children, they are often eager to make quick gains and have a single method, and regard the child as a tool to achieve their ideals or alleviate their own anxiety. In fact, in the early childhood stage, the most important thing for parents is to teach their children to behave and do things.
The education of being a person is that parents should teach their children some basic principles of being a person, such as leading by example, cultivating children's respect for elders, civility and courtesy, honesty and trustworthiness.
Parents also have to teach their children some basic principles of getting along with each other. Children need to be from a natural person who often thinks about problems from their own point of view, to become a social person who often considers problems from the perspective of others and society, social development is an important task for the healthy growth of children, which means that children must have independent opinions, but also understand and abide by social rules.
On the one hand, parents should respect the psychological characteristics of children, let children know what their needs are, and their own needs are very important; on the other hand, they must also let children know that there are other people's needs in addition to themselves.
Guide children to learn to coordinate the needs of both parties, neither to give up their own needs to cater to each other, nor to let the other party give up their needs to cater to themselves, learn to communicate and respect.
When parents teach their children, they must understand the child's psychological characteristics and level of development. For example, due to the limited level of psychological development, children are selective in who to share with.
The study found that children shared more behaviors with adults than they shared with children; children shared more behaviors with familiar children than strange children; children shared more behaviors after going to kindergarten than before kindergarten; children were more willing to share ordinary toys than novel toys... After understanding, parents will carry out targeted guidance, and the child's willingness to share will be higher.
To raise children as a social person, parents especially need to deal with the dialectical relationship between personality and social development. For example, some young mothers carry out personalized education for their children from an early age, and after the children enter the kindergarten, they also hope that the kindergarten teachers can give the children more freedom, believing that allowing them to develop freely is conducive to cultivating the child's personality and creativity. But freedom is not boundless, but a finite space.
Kindergarten is a collective environment that requires children to form consistent rules of life, rules of play and learning habits. If the child is too free and excessively self-centered, it is not easy to adapt to the collective living environment, which is not conducive to the healthy development of the child. Your child is free, but it interferes with the freedom of other children.
It should be particularly emphasized that parents are willing to give their children freedom and respect the development of their children's personality, which is a great progress in the overall concept of children. For a long time, in the traditional agricultural society, children did not even have the right to personal independence, personality is not independent, there is no freedom at all.
It was only in 1989 that the United Nations adopted the Convention on the Rights of the Child, which recognizes the right of children to life, development, participation and protection. Now, it's a good thing that so many parents are willing to give their children freedom, just need to pay attention to the boundaries of freedom. Allowing the child to be too free may make the child passively avoid because he feels that he has the freedom to refuse to take responsibility.
In the preschool stage, there is a principle in the education of children to do things: do their own things. For example, you have to walk your own way, eat your own food, and carry your own bag.
If you really can't move your back, you can ask your parents for help: "Mom, my bag is too heavy, I can't move my back, can you make it lighter?" "Dad, can you help me carry a section of the road, and I will carry the next section of the road myself?" When encountering difficulties, asking others to help themselves is also an ability to do things.
But in real life, parents often feel that their children's ability to do things is poor, rather than letting their children do a mess and redo it themselves, it is better to simply do it for him, which is equivalent to depriving the child of the opportunity to exercise.
In fact, children are very capable in kindergarten, a class of 3 kindergarten teachers to bring 30 children, children are their own things to do, but as soon as they go home, they do nothing.
Children are very smart, know where I should be independent, in which place I can rely on others, which destroys the consistency and stability of the child's subjective development, and is not conducive to cultivating the child's independent personality.
In daily life, many parents think that being a person and doing things is not as important as doing learning, and even in order to do learning, they throw aside the education of being a person and doing things. Learning to prepare for exams is not really learning.
In the preschool stage, parents must first put the learning knowledge in a correct position, and cannot be higher than or replace learning to do things. Secondly, the main task of the preschool stage is not to learn knowledge and skills, but to cultivate an interest in learning, which is a matter that lasts a person's life.
Parents should take the initiative to create some conditions so that children can personally experience and operate hands-on operations to meet children's desire for exploration.
Children are born curious, have a desire to explore, like to learn, if parents in the cultivation of children's interest, focus on the process of learning itself, do not take the learning results and the benefits of learning to evaluate the child, the child's interest in learning will not be hurt.
About the Author:
Yan Hong: Doctor of Education of Tsinghua University, Director of China Family Education Society, Director of China Youth Research Association, Special Teacher of Beijing Municipality, Leader of Preschool Education Department of Beijing Municipality, Advanced Worker of Family Education in Beijing. He is the author of "Introduction to Family Education Guidance", "The Way of Communication between Preschool Teachers and Parents", "Good Habits Achieve Children's Life", and "Emotional Management of Chinese Children".
Source: Marriage and Family Magazine