With people for a long time, a comfortable relationship will make people feel like a spring breeze and feel relaxed; but a hard relationship will make people walk on thin ice and tremble.
Writer Yishu said:
"Whoever feels hard is demanding." True love is pleasurable, and if you feel pain, something must be wrong, and you need to end it in time and start all over again. ”
In the TV series "Dear Myself", the female advocate Zhizhi put down her career after marriage and single-mindedly taught her husband and son, was promoted by her mother-in-law, and no longer wanted to drink Chinese medicine, and was loudly reprimanded by Liu Yang when she accidentally overturned the medicine bowl, and she was only forbearing; her mother-in-law was sick, she took care of her children while going to work, and she had to go to the hospital to take care of patients. Because when she was late and was accused of filial piety by Liu Yang's temper, she still endured it; even when Liu Yang cheated, her first reaction was to find Xiao San theory, and finally she was abused by domestic violence. She gave her all for the family, compromised everything for her husband, and in the end she was betrayed by her husband, and her marriage ended in tragedy.
Women must understand that if two people want to love happily and completely, lasting, each other's feelings must be evenly matched, running in both directions, and becoming perfect for each other, rather than one person's dedication to self-sacrifice, commitment to perfection, wishful thinking to sacrifice and pay for love.
01 Can't you just dress a little more atmospherically?
37-year-old Wang Sifei (pseudonym) and husband Liu Ji (pseudonym) have been married for 11 years, have two sons, after years of hard work in Changsha, the two not only took root in the city, but also have their own small business.
I thought that life would develop in a better and better direction, but Wang Sifei said that her husband always disliked her for no reason, no matter what she did, her husband was always picky and accusatory, thinking that she was not doing well. As a housewife, her husband's various repressions made Wang Sifei feel suffocated, recalling the 11-year marriage, she felt unworthy for herself.
In the past two years, as the children have grown up day by day, the days have become smoother and smoother, but her husband's dislike for her has also increased day by day. In the eyes of outsiders, although Wang Sifei is already a mother of two children, she is still young and beautiful, but in the eyes of her husband, she seems to be ugly, and she is unwilling to take her every time she goes out to socialize, for fear of losing face to herself.
Talking about his current life, Liu Ji said that he opened a small façade with LED lights behind his back with a loan, in order to revitalize the business, he took orders outside alone to run the business, and his wife not only could not help, but also asked him every month for pocket money, and more excessively, if he let his wife help deliver the goods, she would talk to herself about money, and the money would not help to ship if the money was not in place.
In this regard, Wang Sifei said that she is not like her husband said not to do anything, because her husband did not give herself living expenses at all, in order to survive, she had to work outside during the day, and at night she had to wash and cook to take care of the children, and at the same time, she had to take care of helping her husband deliver goods. In Wang Sifei's eyes, her husband is a particularly strong person, and even if his instructions are wrong, they must be completed without compromise.
As a second-born mother, Wang Sifei frankly said that the burden of life is heavy enough, but her husband also hits herself in various ways, usually her husband not only requires himself to take care of the inside and outside of the family, but also thinks that she earns less money, and more excessively, he always attacks her personally, thinking that she is not good-looking when she wears clothes, and puts on lipstick like a monkey's ass.
Hearing his wife complain about himself, Liu Ji, who was sitting on the sofa, finally couldn't help it, and directly said:
"You can't do anything, you can't even wear clothes!"
In a relationship, if one party always compromises, the other party is easy to gain. After 11 years of marriage, Wang Sifei felt that she was living worse than a nanny, neither wearing beautiful clothes nor having her own ideas, but also suffering from the ruthless blows of her husband at any time, and there was no way a hostess should look.
And now Liu Ji, who is already a small boss, talked about his wife is full of grievances, feels that his wife's clothes are too poor, wear rustic and sloppy at home, even if he goes out, he does not know how to clean up after himself, and he does not know how to give himself a long face.
In the face of her husband's accusations, Wang Sifei was momentarily out of control and asked her husband:
"Do you see a decent dress in my closet?"
In this regard, Liu Ji said that after so many years of marriage, the number of times he took his wife out to buy clothes was not many, but his wife's taste was too poor, what style he bought, his wife followed what style he bought, there was no femininity at all.
02 The husband's blow made the wife completely awaken
As a man, since he hated his wife for not looking good, he could just take her directly to buy it, but Liu Ji was not willing to pay money, but also hated his wife's poor taste. Wang Sifei said that after so many years of marriage, she had never bought cosmetics once, not even a set of decent skin care products, and the only lipstick and air cushion in the family was her sister and sister who really couldn't see it to help her.
Someone once told Wang Sifei:
"In fact, you dress up, it is not very ugly",
However, over the years, she has been living under the oppression of her husband, but she is not very convinced, and the work clothes and ponytail dress for several years not only make her husband feel that she does not look like a woman, but even she herself has begun to doubt herself, and she has no self-confidence at all.
Women are pleasing to themselves, and Wang Sifei is no exception, she has also longed to change her style to please her husband, but every time she tries to clean up herself, she will exchange her husband for a more degrading. Her husband's cold eyes not only made her have no expectations for wearing a skirt, but also despaired about married life.
11 years of marriage, Wang Sifei grew from a young girl to a mother of two children, in order to maintain the family, she saved money and never bought expensive cosmetics and clothes, but such behavior and sacrifice not only did not exchange her husband's understanding and heartache, but also disliked her, thinking that she was a yellow-faced woman who could not go out, and even the wedding photos when they were married were hidden behind the refrigerator in the corner of the wall by her husband.
In the face of such a cold husband, Wang Sifei couldn't help but ask him what his good-looking and atmospheric clothes looked like, but Liu Ji, as always, said in a disgusted tone:
"Some people can't feel like they wear even the best clothes."
In order to prove herself again, Wang Sifei is determined to clean herself up and let her husband see that she is not bad. So she not only went to the barber shop to cut a refreshing short haircut, but also deliberately went to a makeup, Wang Sifei confessed that in fact, she used to particularly like makeup and dressing, and even wanted to open a beauty shop of her own, but marriage and children gradually let her give up her dreams, when she came out of the barbershop again, the whole person instantly changed a look, the whole person not only looked a lot of spirit, but also had a confident glow in her eyes.
Before going home, Wang Sifei also went to buy a white dress to change into, hoping to make her husband's eyes light up, but when she returned home, her husband's reaction made her feel desperate, not only did not even look at her in the right eye, but also said that she felt tired.
Although her husband's reaction was already expected by Wang Sifei, this attitude of not even looking at her in the right eye made her completely collapse and directly filed for divorce, she confessed that after so many years of marriage, her husband never gave himself respect, because he said that he did not deserve to be respected.
At this point, Wang Sifei finally couldn't help but tell the secret hidden in her heart for many years, she said that all her husband's dissatisfaction with herself was caused by a woman, and this woman was no one else, it was his sister-in-law.
Wang Sifei said that her husband Liu Ji also has a brother, and the sister-in-law is the hotel lobby manager, the monthly income can easily exceed 10,000, and in contrast, his monthly salary of three or four thousand is particularly insignificant, and now the life of the brother's family is thriving, and although the husband said that he opened a façade, but the business has been stagnant, perhaps out of redness, the husband's heart began to be unbalanced, blaming all the failures on the wife's uselessness.
When Wang Sifei proposed divorce, Liu Ji's mother panicked and quickly advised him not to make a fool of herself, she confessed that the eldest son had an honest personality and was a bit wooden, hoping that her daughter-in-law could give him another chance. And Liu Ji also bought a flower for the first time under the persuasion of everyone and gave it to his wife, hoping to get her forgiveness.
In the end, although Wang Sifei chose to forgive her husband in the face of her children, she was also determined to go out and make a career to prove herself to her husband.
03 Women have to learn to please themselves
In the relationship between the sexes, whether it is a husband and wife or a lover, if a relationship is always maintained by one party's initiative, it is necessary to blindly lower your posture to meet the preferences of the other person, such a relationship, all the enthusiasm will disappear in disappointment and cold, and finally it will end in the heart death, no exception.
As the head of the family, men play an important role in the family, spitting out roses and full of fragrance; spitting out tribulus terrestris, and people turning on horses.
A man's mouth determines the rise and fall of a family.
Liu Ji, as the head of the family, does not reflect on himself when his career is not improving, but vents all his emotions on his wife, dislikes his wife for wearing clothes without femininity, but does not give money to buy, when his wife tries to change, he not only does not give encouragement, but also repeatedly pours cold water, such a marriage is undoubtedly a prison for his wife.
Men smooth out the edges and corners of reason, and crush bad words into the end, in order to integrate into the woman's watery tenderness and harvest a harmonious and happy marriage. Men's bad words to their wives will only hurt each other's feelings, which is tantamount to sprinkling salt on the wound, and when the scar is healed under the action of salt, the marriage will reach the point where it cannot be saved.
Women often make a mistake in their relationships, that is, to put too many expectations on each other.
However, if you blindly treat him well, think of him everywhere, and put him first in everything, you may not be able to exchange for a lifetime of happiness and stability. Because your happiness, after all, is uncertain, it is not in your own hands.
Women, instead of pleasing men, should run themselves well. Only if you are strong enough, can you not be afraid of all wind and rain.
-