Recently, "child star" Jin Ming was "internet stormed" because of a dance video.
At the bottom of the video, netizens left a variety of ugly words:
"Old", "like grandma", "weird"... Others questioned her plastic surgery.
Some netizens even accused her of not quitting the entertainment industry in the first place, otherwise she would definitely be better off than now.
But how did these people conclude through a video that Jin Ming was not doing well?
We don't know.
But for Jin Ming, no matter how the outside world speculates, she is "going her own way.".
As a former "national girl", she can retreat at the peak of the rapids; now she returns to the public vision and still insists on herself.
Only because in her eyes, pleasing others is never better than pleasing herself.
Why should I live in the expectations of others?
After retiring, Jin Ming rarely appeared in front of the public.
Occasionally, some "love show" comes to her, and she will participate in the recording.
This time the video is also released because I want to share my life with my fans.
She probably did not expect that she would actually be attacked by netizens because of her age and appearance.
You know, as a child, she is a household name.
In 1988, Qiong Yao brought the crew to Beijing because she wanted to shoot "Wan Jun".
At that time, the actor who played "Childhood Wanjun", Qiong Yao interviewed for two months and did not match.
Until "Little Jin Ming" appeared, making her eyes light up.
In order to win this role, the children present made full preparations and sang and danced.
Only Jin Ming's parents originally did not think that Jin Ming could be favored by the crew, and they were not prepared for any talent.
Who knows, early the next morning, the crew came to the door and informed Jin Ming that the interview had passed.
The young Jin Ming thus formed a fate with Qiong Yao and became the most popular child star of the year.
Even the well-known host Sabine once joked in public to confess to Jin Ming in the show:
"When I was fourteen years old in the '90s, I told my parents that I would marry her when I grew up."
Everyone is optimistic about jinming's follow-up development, as long as she continues to develop in this circle, her achievements will be extraordinary.
But only Jin Ming himself, under the pressure of becoming popular.
At that time, the Internet was not yet popular, and there were always endless "fan letters" in her home.
Walking on the road, she would often be recognized by passers-by, call her name, call her "Little Wanjun", and stare at her.
Young Jin Ming really couldn't understand this kind of "fanatical liking."
At the same time, as she grew older, she began to have her own ability to think. For the direction of her life, she gradually deviated from the expectations of the outside world and had her own plan.
She didn't want to just act herself, she wanted to go out into the world and see.
At that time, everyone thought that she should seize the opportunity to continue acting, but no one cared what she wanted.
What Jin Ming wants is not the success that others envy, but the happiness of being able to choose his own life.
Mr. Yang Dai said: "We were so looking forward to the recognition of the outside world, and in the end we found that the world is our own and has nothing to do with others." ”
Many people will not be able to grasp this truth in their entire lives.
Jin Ming, who was still in high school at the time, knew what he wanted earlier than many of us.
Behind pleasing yourself is to see the inner needs
In 1992, after filming "Plum Blossom Branding", Jin Ming decided not to take over the TV series anymore, and occasionally participated in the recording of the program before appearing in front of the public.
Because she wanted to understand that she didn't want to be a star.
She wants to be like other students, prepare for the college entrance examination, enter the university of her choice, learn her favorite major, and experience the life she wants.
After becoming a high school student, she completely gave up the star aura of the past.
In the second year of high school, Qiong Yao came to her with the script of "Huan Zhu Gege", and was even willing to change the script for her, and the role was at her disposal.
She did not waver in her determination, and repeatedly rejected Qiong Yao.
For his own life choices, little Jin Ming actually has the persistence of not losing to adults.
Once she saw her needs and made the decision, the nine cows could not be pulled back.
In 1999, jin Ming, a college entrance examination student, volunteered only to fill in "Peking University".
At that time, she could obviously choose the "art major" that was directly guaranteed.
Her mother tried to dissuade her from being too stubborn. Otherwise, once she can't get into Peking University, the people who liked her in the first place may turn around and attack her.
After listening to his mother's "pros and cons analysis", Jin Ming still did not change his choice.
Obviously, she can easily have a life that others envy, but she chooses a "more tired" life.
In order to be admitted to Peking University, she did not see a movie or download a new song in her third year of high school.
There is no leisure, no entertainment, only in order to "enter Peking University" to move forward.
This kind of "hard day" that seems very tiring to others makes her feel extremely fulfilled.
She obeyed the needs of her heart, pleased herself, gained the strength to struggle, and also reaped the happiness of achieving her goals.
Going to college, many people thought she would make a comeback again.
There are also many "olive branches" in the industry that extend to her, but Jin Ming's focus is still on enriching herself.
She not only studied television and film and forensic medicine, but also studied English, Korean, French and other languages.
When everything she wanted to do was completed, she gradually made a comeback on some shows in the past few years.
Although at this time, her fame has long been much worse than before.
Some people often feel sorry for her life, but Jin Ming enjoys it.
Because every choice she made over the years is an act of self-pleasing that she made based on her inner needs.
So, even if she didn't go according to the life expected by the public, she has always lived a very happy life, which is enough.
In the face of the outside world's doubts about her life, she has responded firmly: "If I were to choose again, I would still choose to go to school." ”
In her view, people must be responsible for the path they choose, not for the opinions of others.
This way of pleasing herself made her happy and happy all the way.
Jim Quake said, "If the eggshell is broken by an external force, life is over." But if it is broken by internal forces, a new life begins. ”
Only when a person maintains his true disposition, sees his own needs clearly, and insists on what he likes to do, can he have a rich inner and a new life.
When you have the ability to please yourself, the world is your own
The most rare thing about Jin Ming is not the experience of young fame.
Rather, from childhood to adulthood, she can see her own needs and please herself.
From becoming popular to retiring, she can focus on herself, do not care about the gossip of the outside world, and insist on her own choices, so as to generate the ability to please herself.
This ability reminds me of a friend who came to Delphin Space at the beginning of the year.
During the chat, it was learned that there were many differences between her and her mother-in-law's living habits.
The mother-in-law always likes to interfere in her life, and the two have many quarrels, causing many contradictions between her and her husband.
Fortunately, she herself is a person with the ability to please herself, and she will not affect herself because of other people's ideas.
Because she really couldn't get along with her mother-in-law, she decided to move out.
No matter how her mother-in-law scolded her openly and secretly, she did not budge.
In the end, she and her husband moved out smoothly and had a small world of two people.
The quarrel between husband and wife, which was originally caused by the "mother-in-law relationship", was also resolved.
Not long ago, her mother-in-law suddenly began to "spawn" again.
This time, I found a good reason: "While I can still bring it, I can help bring it, and you must hurry up." ”
However, friends are also very firm in their positions, and show their attitudes in person: "In the first two years, I only want to fight for my career, and I agreed with my husband before marriage, and I will bring myself in the future. ”
In this way, the mother-in-law also took her for granted.
She dares to speak out her inner appeal, and from her, we can feel the confidence and energy from the heart.
She will not change her mind because of others, can see her own needs, mainly to please herself, so that she can live happily.
In life, many of us lack the "ability to please ourselves", and even equate "self-pleasing" with "selfishness".
This stems from our lack of self-confidence, lack of self-love, and inability to see our true inner needs.
Teacher Defen once said: "Living according to one's own way is not called selfishness, expecting others to live according to their own way is called selfishness." ”
So, how should we have the ability to please ourselves and learn to please ourselves?
1, do not carry other people's problems
Many times, the reason we live hard is because we care too much about the feelings of others and ignore our own feelings.
This can make us feel depressed and the energy will not be released.
In life, we should learn to distinguish our own topics from others' problems and set boundaries.
Don't take other people's problems on your own.
Like Jin Ming, see your own needs, do not carry the expectations of others, release your own energy, and pursue the life you want.
When you are no longer burdened with other people's problems, you can release your own energy.
2. Leave some time for yourself
By figuring out what we need and want, we can release our energy and keep our lives to ourselves to pursue these things.
Richard Bach once said, "Justify your limitations, then you really limit yourself to them." ”
Don't always say you're too busy, don't always give time to others, and use this as an excuse to suppress yourself.
No matter what identity label you have, you should see your inner needs.
Don't just see what others want and don't see what you need.
Give yourself more time to do the work you love and pursue the life you want.
In this time, temporarily abandoning the identity of children, wives, and mothers, you are only yourself.
3. Believe that you deserve to be loved
Shakyamuni once said, "Yourself, like anyone else in the universe, deserves to be cared for and loved." ”
This is also the most important part of having the ability to please oneself.
You must be aware of your own importance and affirm your own value.
You are not inferior to others, do not habitually substitute yourself into the label of "weak" and "inferior to others".
Your value lies only in yourself, and you don't need to compare yourself with others.
Only by giving ourselves enough love can we accept the love of others.
Take care of yourself in the way you usually care about others (parents, family, friends). Encourage yourself as much as you encourage them.
In this way, you can cultivate your self-confidence, let you have a sense of self-worth, and over time, you can control your own destiny.
The best life is to be able to be yourself in this world, love yourself, and not waste a little time, not waste a little life.
When you cultivate the ability to please yourself, you have the right to control life and seek happiness.
Planning | Fish sweet
Edit | Fish sweet