Happy funny strip: Tom and Jerry

I don't have that much patience

Avanti stood next to a fisherman and looked at the effort of ploughing an acre of land before he saw that the man had caught a very small fish. The angler thought that Avanti also wanted to catch a fish, so he said to Avanti, "Avanti, come, come, you can catch one too!" "Thanks, I don't have that much patience." Avanti replied.

It thinks about problems

One day, Avanti was wandering around the bazaar. He happened to see a man selling a bird for two dollars. Can a small bird sell for two dollars? Avanti felt a little strange, thought about running home, took the big flower hen from the house, and thought: A small bird can sell for two dollars, and my big hen can definitely sell for twenty yuan.

The buyer came over and asked him how much he was selling? He replied, "Twenty dollars." The buyer laughed and said, "An old hen costs twenty yuan, which is a joke, a ewe only needs twenty yuan, you are not joking!" ”

"Just now a man sold a bird for two dollars, and I am twenty times bigger than it, so why can't I sell it for twenty dollars?"

"Avanti, that's a talking parrot, of course it's worth two dollars." The buyer replied.

"It can only talk, and my chicken will think about problems and report it." Avanti replied solemnly.

suggestion

A patient goes to the doctor for the first time.

"Did you ask anyone about your condition before you came here?" The doctor asked.

"Only asked the owner of the pharmacy on the corner," the patient replied.

The doctor hated that people who were not doctors often made medical advice, and he did not hide it

dot. "What bad idea did that fool give you?"

"He asked me to come to you."

What is the greatest happiness in life?

It was rehabilitated after a long period of wrongs. A rightist who has been looking forward to rehabilitation. Twenty years later, the day finally came, and when the old man heard the secretary of the party branch announce the decision to rehabilitate him, he was so excited that he died of a stroke on the spot. It was truly the happiest and most perfect death of mankind: he died at the moment when twenty years of wish were finally fulfilled, without the slightest taste of the disappointment and bitterness that is often found after the fulfillment of hope.

Who's in charge

A newlywed couple quarreled over "who is in charge of the family's finances?" Finally, the wife shouted: "If it weren't for my money, would this TV opportunity be here?" Without my money, would that easy chair you sit in be here? Would this house be here without my money? "Don't be funny!" The husband snorted angrily, "I wouldn't be here without your money!" ”

The reason for the sale

A man passed by an old car sales office in New York and saw an old car that sold for only forty dollars. He thought maybe he was mistaken. But after a few days, the price of the old car remained the same, and he couldn't resist buying the old car for forty dollars, only to find that the car was almost intact as new. So he curiously asked the middle-aged woman who sold the car why the old car was so cheap. "Quite simply," replied the woman, "this is my deceased husband's old car, and in his will he ordered it to be given to his female secretary, the little slut!" ”

Can't drink it

Mai Chun walked into the restaurant and sat down at the table, he looked at the menu, ordered a soup, the waiter immediately brought it to him, after a while, he called the waiter over and said, "I'm sorry, I can't drink this soup." ”

The waiter felt strange, brought the menu, and asked him to order another soup, but after a while, Mike called him again: "I'm sorry, I still can't drink this soup." ”

The waiter was surprised, this time he no longer brought the menu, but called the manager over, the manager Bi respectfully nodded to Mike, said: "Sir, this soup is the best in this store, very popular, are you..."

"Oh, I didn't say anything bad about this soup, but even though it tasted delicious, I still couldn't drink it, because you see, where is the spice spoon!"

In a department store

Ms. Barr went to the department store to buy hats, picked them for a long time, and finally chose one of her favorite hats. At this time, the salesman complimented her and said, "Madam, although you have spent a lot of time, the hat you have chosen can make you 10 years younger when you wear it on your head." ”

Ms. Barr immediately took the hat off her head and hurriedly said, "I don't buy it, I don't want to wear a hat like this, and as soon as I take it off, it will make me 10 years older." ”

Lingnan woman

In lingnan, whether rich or poor, women do not use needlework and weaving as a skill, but let them do kitchen work. She is good at frying and frying, and she is regarded as a good woman. When the local people discussed the marriage of their children together, they often said: "If my daughter talks about tailoring and mending clothes, she will not do anything at all, but if she plays with water snakes and yellow eels, it is better than one!"

- Song Gao Yi, "Group Settlement"

Cat and mouse

There are families in Tongjiang who have two cats. The owner loves them very much and takes them with him when he sits and walks.

During the day, the owner must watch them eat and care about their hunger, and at night, they must lie on the pillow so that the master can sleep peacefully. Sometimes, the owner took the two cats in his arms and caressed them, and when he went out, he always asked the maid to take good care of them.

Once, a rat went to the rice bowl to steal food, and when it could not come out, the maid saw the busy report to the owner. The owner was very happy to hear this, so he brought a cat and put it in the tank. When the mouse saw the cat, it jumped around in fright and squeaked, while the cat ignored it.

After half a day the cat jumped out of the tank. The owner smiled at the sight, took the other cat, put it in the tank, and it also jumped out.

At this time, there were several chickens in the yard chasing and playing, and the cat pounced on it and bit one to death. The maid went to the neighbor's house to borrow a cat, wanted to put it in the jar to bite the mouse, who knew that the neighbor's cat arrived at the edge of the tank, saw that there were rats inside, frightened to grab the maid's clothes, dead or alive refused to go down, so that scratched the sleeve, scratched the arm. The rats in the jar were now triumphant, eating grain inside, and when someone came, they no longer panicked and avoided.

It dragged on until the next day, and the maid was so angry that she had to take a wooden stick herself and reach into the jar to beat the rat. As soon as the stick was reached in, the rat immediately climbed up. The maid was horrified and hurriedly dropped the stick, and the rat fled.

- Song Hongmai, "Yi Jian Zhi"

In order to improve his prestige, the president of a certain country decided to issue a stamp with his own face printed on it, and after more than a month of issuance, the president decided to check the sales situation at the post office.....

　　　PRESIDENT: "What about sales?"

　　　Employee: "Not bad... It's just that some people often complain that the sticking is not secure..."

　　　President: "How?"

　　　At the end of the speech, the president grabbed a stamp with his hand, spat on the back, and stuck it a piece of paper...

　　　President: "Don't you think it's a good sticker?!"

　　　Employee: "But. Everyone... Everyone: Put the saliva: Spit on the front..."