In China, more and more parents are complaining about why my children have made mistakes and never admit it to us. Why do my children have things they never want to tell us about. In fact, the answer is actually very simple: too many parents in China are reluctant to give their children the opportunity to explain and admit mistakes after they have made mistakes.
Children because of their young age, the nature is to be playful and active, always inadvertently make big or small mistakes, such as breaking things, wrestling and dirty clothes, declining grades, in the face of children's mistakes, most Chinese parents will not give their children the opportunity to admit mistakes and explain mistakes, up is a criticism and accusation, some parents are even more hands-on. They don't know how much mental stress and harm these behaviors can cause to their children.
On September 17, 2021, a mother in Wuhan, Hubei Province, would never have thought of two slaps in her anger, and she would have lost her son forever. After the mother rushed to the school, she found her son in the corridor on the fifth floor, and slapped her son in front of everyone, followed by another slap. Throughout, the child was not given a chance to justify a sentence or admit his mistakes. After the mother left, the boy bowed his head and was silent for two minutes, then turned and climbed up the railing, and jumped in the face of the classmates who could not react. A 14-year-old boy passed away. And her mother still doesn't understand how she just slapped her son twice and how her son jumped off the building. Later, after investigation, he learned that the child did not play cards in the classroom, but only played cards with other classmates, and he was curious and watched for a while. If the mother had been willing to give her child the opportunity to admit her mistake and explain it, such a tragedy would not have happened.
Many parents, like this mother, make mistakes and do not give their children time to communicate and defend, regardless of right or wrong, and then come up and scold. Some parents will also calm down and listen to their children's words and give some comfort after scolding and angry. The vast majority of parents will completely ignore the child's expression, as long as the child speaks, let the child shut up, the light one roars two sentences, and the heavy one is a stick to add to the body. I have always felt that if the child is born by himself, he should be his own private property, he has absolute control, and the child should be absolutely obedient and absolutely obedient to himself.
"What Lao Tzu says is what he says."
"I'm your mom/dad, I'm definitely not going to hurt you, I'm doing everything for your own good."
"What kind of self-esteem do you want at a young age?"
A sentence of "I am all for your own good" washes away the selfishness of many parents and erases the idea of how many children want to communicate with their parents. But in fact, are you really all for his good?
When I was 6 years old, I accidentally broke a boiling water bottle while playing at home, but fortunately there was no water in the boiling water bottle at that time, so I was spared from being burned. But I was still frightened. When my mother came back, I cried and described to my mother what had happened. I thought my mother would comfort me when I was frightened. As a result, only a reprimand from my mother was ushered in: "Why are you so naughty?" There are only 2 boiling water bottles in total in the house and you break one. What if there is boiling water in it and you get burned? Your dad and I are working hard outside, and you're messing around with me at home. "I cried for a long time that time, because it was the first time I tried to bravely admit my mistakes to my parents, but I was reprimanded by them mercilessly. Since then, I have learned to lie to my parents, and the first time I make a mistake, I will use lies and concealment to protect myself. I never tell my parents anything when I encounter it. This habit continued until I graduated from college. It can be seen how much a wrong decision of a parent at a young age has a great impact on the child's life.
Children are small, it is normal to make mistakes, as long as they do not deliberately make the same mistakes many times, parents should be generous to give their children the opportunity to explain their mistakes and admit their mistakes, and communicate with their children calmly, because many children actually do not know that they have made mistakes. Some children will realize that they have made mistakes after making mistakes, and they will feel guilty and afraid, and the patient explanation and enlightenment of parents at this time are especially important for children.
When we were young, we all learned a text, "Washington Cuts the Cherry Tree" is about Washington when he was a child, he cut down the cherry tree in his backyard and made a toy out of the trunk, his father was furious at home after seeing the cherry tree cut down, Washington bravely stood up and admitted that he cut down the cherry tree, he thought his father would be very angry, and his father not only did not get angry but also praised Washington for his courage to admit his mistake. Later Washington became a brave and honest and decisive man.
Although Washington's story is written, the truth in him is worth learning from our Chinese parents, and if the child makes a mistake, the parents do not enlighten or communicate and explain. It is difficult for children to feel the love of their parents, and it is difficult to regard their parents as their close friends, and they will only fight with their parents in their own way, which will often lead to tragedies.
One of the most popular truths of 2020: Behind every bear child, there must be a bear parent. Many parents will only blame their children from their own point of view, poor resistance to pressure, and glass hearts. But how many parents really consider their children's inner feelings. Whenever you scold your children without saying a word, when you use vicious language again and again to belittle and suppress children, what are they facing and thinking? You know what?
A set of data released by the Beijing Medical Child Development Center shows that in China, about 100,000 teenagers die by suicide every year.
Every day, 288 children die by suicide, and more than 800 children attempt suicide.
On January 17, 2016, a 10-year-old boy in Jincheng, Shanxi Province, was reprimanded by his mother for not doing well in his homework. In the middle of the night, after his mother was asleep, the boy got up and wrote a suicide note on scratch paper and jumped off the building to commit suicide, and then died due to ineffective rescue.
On February 25, 2016, a 15-year-old school bully girl in Wuhan City jumped from her home on the 18th floor and died on the spot because her final exams were not ideal last year, and she was a few minutes away from her goal.
On January 12, 2016, an eight-year-old girl in Lixia District, Jinan City, was criticized for not studying well, and finally jumped from her 8th floor home to her death.
On November 18, 2014, an 11-year-old boy in Guangzhou who scored only 39 points in an English test was reprimanded by his grandmother when he returned home at night, and half an hour later, he ended his life with a rope in his room.
On April 17, 2019, the Shanghai Lupu Bridge was full of traffic. A 17-year-old boy and his mother had a conflict, pulled the car door in a huff, ran to the bridge, jumped down, and died on the spot. The mother who was chasing after her could not stop it, and watched her son fall from the bridge in his hand, and immediately fell to his knees and cried bitterly.
Bloody cases mean the disappearance of beautiful lives one after another... Boy, what's wrong with you?
Because their parents are never willing to give their children a chance to explain and admit mistakes after they have made them. They have only fear and hatred for their parents, but no love. The family is the first lesson of the child, and a small act of the parent can have a huge impact on the child. In the original family, if the child's parents can give more patience and time to communicate and enlighten when the child makes mistakes, learn to forgive and trust and understand their children, the children can feel the trust and understanding of their parents, no matter what mistakes and things they encounter in the future, they are willing to share with their parents, no matter how many setbacks and pain they experience outside, he still has enough strength and courage to face. Because, he knows that his parents are his strongest backing.
And if, in the name of being good for the child, those parents in the family always use the name of being good for the child, when the child encounters things, instead of enlightening and helping but constantly reprimanding and insulting the child, the result will only force the child to a desperate situation, forced to the opposite side of himself, and even pay the price of life.
Chinese parents, please give your children a chance to explain and admit their mistakes after they have made mistakes, if they really love your children. Chinese parents please learn to trust and understand their children, please learn to be friends with their children rather than enemies.
I hope that this article of Fat Ying can help you as parents.