Many boys and girls always do not know how to open their mouths, or when girls take the initiative to find him, they are always hesitant and entangled, afraid of saying the wrong thing, when they first started to contact, girls may have feelings for him, but because they can't give each other comfortable emotional interaction, they finally don't end up.
How can you get rid of these troubles and show your best?
The essential reason for the above questions is actually because the level of response is too low, when the girl is excited to chat with you, you are also very excited, but do not know what to say, confused to send several messages, others can not understand what you are saying.
There is no way for your emotions to reach the same frequency, no way to maintain a normal exchange and interaction, and your relationship will never escalate.
Responsiveness can be understood as an ability to properly express feelings, and can also be seen as a manifestation of a person's emotional maturity, that is, it can respond to the emotional needs of others in a timely and correct manner and can express the appreciation of others, so that others can feel understanding and care.
First, what is the reason for the low responsiveness?
1. Shy
Shyness is one of the reasons for the low level of responsiveness, and the most direct manifestation of shyness is to care too much about what others say about themselves.
For example, some boys face a group of girls, if they particularly care about the views and evaluations of this group of people, they will show it through actions, they will be particularly unnatural, stuttering, blushing when they speak, and their movements are twisted and pinched, and there is no way to show their true selves.
More serious, even unwilling to contact the crowd, only hope to stay in their own small world, away from the crowd, and others when in contact with the performance is also very cold, let people feel very bad contact, say a word on the cold field, slowly everyone is not willing to take the initiative to contact him.
2. The amygdala is different
The amygdala is an important part of the basal nerve nucleus of the brain, mainly to produce emotions, recognize emotions and regulate emotions.
The brain tissue that controls learning and memory, when the external environment produces stimuli that may be threatening to the human body, the amygdala is activated, producing corresponding emotions.
Studies have shown that Alzheimer's disease, young children's autism, and anxiety disorders are all related to the amygdala, and the sensitivity of the amygdala is inherently different for everyone, such as some children are bold, some children are timid.
3. Overprotective family
Timid and afraid children often live in the overprotective of their parents from an early age, they do not need to think too much and bear too much, and their parents arrange everything in advance.
Children who grow up under the overprotective of the family are overly dependent, prone to loss of independence and purpose, and in adulthood, independence is also poor, and interpersonal skills are also poor.
4, lack of achievements
People's self-confidence and value are based on social relations, and if you want to achieve achievements in society, you can't do without a lot of interpersonal relationships.
For example, boys who like to fight when they are young, such boys are often very confident even if their grades are very poor, and they will not even feel ashamed of their poor studies, because in the process of fighting, they have gained a sense of collectivity, and even have a sense of honor as the boss.
Although some people have good academic performance, but the personality is more introverted and inferior, the mouth is more stupid, often need to wait until after entering the society to achieve certain achievements, in order to slowly let go of their personality, self-confidence with the continuous achievement of the slowly increased.
5. Have had a frustrated experience
Many people have been bullied in the process of growing up, such as being excluded by others when they were young, being bullied, and being rejected by the girls they liked, resulting in a serious setback in their self-confidence.
After slowly growing up, this feeling of frustration remains in the depths of the heart, resulting in seeing people who dare not speak, do not know how to express their own ideas, and are very concerned about other people's views and eyes on themselves.
Second, how to improve responsiveness?
1. Do what you can control
The essence of responsiveness is that we have no confidence in ourselves and are afraid of what others will say about you, but how others see us is not something we can control, and if we care too much about other people's opinions, it will lead to the suppression of our true selves.
We must understand what we are worried about, what we can control and what we can't control, turn our attention to the part of the things that we can control, and don't try to control the things that we can't control.
Find out the part of the things you can do, plan well, strive to do it well step by step, and only pay attention to the thing itself, so that your own value can be continuously improved and your self-confidence can be continuously enhanced.
2. Cultivate your own opinion
Whether it is a personal career or a love life, you must have your own opinions, know what you really want, in order to be less disturbed by the outside world, and will not easily change your decisions.
For example, you interact with girls, girls do not reply to your WeChat in seconds, this is a girl's business, you have no way to interfere, nor is it something you can control, if you forcibly interfere, you are bound to be disgusted by others.
Similarly, you chat with others, you also have the right not to reply to the message in seconds, and you don't need to think too much about the other person's ideas, you have to know clearly what things should be done, what is done right, to adhere to your own opinion, and not to be easily influenced by others.
3. Pay more attention to the interests of others
When doing things, we must consider whether it is beneficial to others, the reason why some people have high emotional intelligence is because of strong empathy ability, can take into account the interests of others, you care about the interests of others, others naturally care about your interests.
This interest is not necessarily monetary, but may also be emotional, for example, when friends show their attention and needs to us, we will feel very happy, which is a sign of high responsiveness.
There are good and bad character, but as long as the interests are agreed, the conflict of the relationship can be reduced, and when the interests diverg, we must know how to seek common ground while reserving differences, so that interpersonal relations can be harmonious to the greatest extent.
Improving their responsiveness will fundamentally enhance their own value, not only can win good feelings in their interactions with girls, but also will be invincible in any interpersonal relationship and be a truly attractive self.