Before falling in love, people always have a lot of expectations for intimate relationships, thinking that their love must be beautiful and sweet.
When you meet that person who is moved, your heart is full of other people, and you want to be together all the time. However, as the feelings of the two people become deeper and deeper, they understand each other more and more, and various contradictions and conflicts will also appear.
Quarrels and cold wars have begun to play out, feeling that the other party has changed, no longer the person he knew, unwilling, aggrieved, torturing each other in the relationship, until both people feel tired, no longer invest time and feelings, more and more indifferent, and finally run away from each other.
Why are two people obviously good at the beginning, but they can't get along later? Did you choose the wrong person? Wouldn't another person experience this?
Psychologists have found that love is often produced in a moment, but the persistence of love has to pass the test of time, and only love that has gone through the following four stages is a mature feeling.
1. Moon halo phenomenon.
"The moment I saw him, I felt like there were only two of us in the whole world." This electric flint-like feeling has been felt by many people who are in love.
The other party is perfect in your eyes, as if there is a halo around the body, which is the phenomenon of the moon halo.
Of course, everyone's mate selection criteria are different, and the focus is also different.
For example, some girls value the academic qualifications of boys, the boys they know, the family situation, the appearance of her do not care, only pay attention to academic qualifications, the other party's high education will make her feel that the other party has an aura, unconsciously attracted.
Christopher Meng mentioned in "Intimate Relationship": "The phenomenon of the moon halo indicates that the unreal brilliance is distracting, and the real light source cannot be seen, in the intimate relationship, the inner point is invisible to you, and when the two people are together, they are often confused by some external things, unreal brilliance, thus distracting our points of attention, only seeing the unreal brilliance and not seeing the real luminous body of the person." ”
2. Disillusionment period.
When two people understand each other more and more deeply, and see each other more and more comprehensively, they will find that the person in front of them not only has the advantages and disadvantages they have seen before, but also has shortcomings, which is the second stage of disillusionment of feelings.
The phenomenon of moon halo makes us attracted by the unreal brilliance of the other party, but the illusion will always have a day of disillusionment, which is inevitable, but some people can accept that the other party is not as perfect as they think, and are willing to accept, while some people cannot accept this fact.
When the great talent Li Ao was 44 years old, he fell in love with Hu Yinmeng for the first time, when Hu Yinmeng was known as "Taiwan's first beauty", 26 years old was not deeply involved in the world, in Li Ao's eyes, Hu Yinmeng was his "goddess".
Under the strong pursuit of Li Ao, Hu Yinmeng came together with Li Ao despite his family's opposition, and the talented lady was happily married, but she did not expect that this marriage only lasted for three months and twenty-two days before it was declared over.
Many years later, when Li Ao answered a reporter's question, he mentioned that the reason for the divorce between the two was because Li Ao saw Hu Yinmeng's face turned red due to constipation, and the image of the goddess suddenly collapsed, which made him unacceptable.
Two people in the disillusionment period are particularly prone to enter a misunderstanding, that is, they want to change each other, hope that the other party will follow their own wishes, the two pull each other, and eventually scarred, and many people's relationship rupture is because they cannot pass this stage.
3. Period of introspection.
The period of introspection after the disillusionment period is the most difficult stage, when the contradictions and conflicts between the two people are the strongest, and both sides believe that the problem in the relationship between the two is the responsibility of the other party, and they are the "victims".
At this stage, if you can't reflect on your own problems, just blindly blame each other and use the previous mode of getting along, then the relationship will enter a stage of deterioration.
In life, we often see such partners, always blame each other when encountering problems, although two people are still in a relationship, but the feelings are getting worse and worse, and even some people live for a lifetime, still often in a state of sword fighting.
People who know how to introspect, after entering this stage, can reflect on their own mode of getting along with each other and seek better ways to communicate and communicate.
For example, when Qianqian once again found that her husband did not brush the dishes after eating, she did not brush the dishes while accusing herself as before, but said: "Tired for a day, I really want to lie down for a while, washing dishes is not a hurry, put it there first, and then wash it when you want to wash it." ”
In the face of her understanding, her husband is no longer a passive and confrontational attitude, and after a break, he took the initiative to wash the dishes and helped her cut a plate of fruit.
When two people can no longer fight and find ways to communicate and get along, the relationship between the two people has truly entered the run-in period.
4. Relationship sublimation.
Few people can persist in reaching this stage, and only a partner who can reach this stage can become a soul mate.
Two people come together because they are attracted to each other, go through the disillusionment stage, see each other's shortcomings, pass through the introspection stage, and discover their own wrong cognition or inappropriate communication methods to reach the final stage.
At this stage, both people in the relationship can recognize themselves and each other and accept each other as they really are. Find the deeper reasons for the way you behave in relationships.
When two people know the way the other can accept, understand where the boundaries of the other person are, and find a mode of getting along that makes both people comfortable, forming a win-win situation, they also become soul mates.
The so-called "born pair" and "destiny" are too idealistic, no one is born to be a soul mate, and it must go through a long period of running-in to achieve a perfect fit.
Everyone's chance to find a soul mate is whether you can continue to learn, grow, and have the ability to deal with intimate relationships.