"Whether you affirm others or yourself, you must be sincere."
Pay is not proportional to recognition,
What am I going to do?
THE MEANING OF LIFE
Teacher Li:
Hello!
I am a class leader who usually helps the teacher to do a lot of things, but I always feel that I can't get the teacher's approval. A few days ago, the teacher praised several class cadres by name, but left me behind. I feel frustrated to do things for everyone silently without being recognized. Teacher Li, what should I do?
Xiao Yang
Xiao yang:
You can see that you are a child who can think about others and pay for everyone, you are very good!
According to your letters, you have a small loss that the teacher who thinks what you are doing is not paying attention to it and is not getting the praise you crave. In fact, Xiao Yang, you don't have to affect your mood because of this matter. Just because the teacher praises others by name does not mean that the person who has not been named is not worthy of praise. Perhaps, others left a deeper impression on the teacher; perhaps, the teacher simply picked a few people at random as representatives. Whatever the reason, the teacher can't ignore your efforts, because you are his students like other classmates. If you are really panicked, you can communicate with the teacher, explain your ideas, and let the teacher know that you need approval.
What I want to say to you here is that wanting to be praised by others is both a common psychological need and a major weakness in our psychology. It's not hard to understand to say that it's a psychological need, just as you're now feeling lost in not getting the attention you think you deserve, that mental need isn't being met. Why is it a weakness? Because we can't sway others. If we put our own value, our own joy, into the expectations of others, then we will be very passive. For example, you want others to praise you for doing something, but others don't praise you, you lose the enthusiasm to do it; you want others to praise you, others don't praise you, you feel that you are not good enough. In this way, do we give the initiative of our own happiness to others?
"It's gold that always shines"
You may say that it is normal to crave to be affirmed!
Indeed, then give this affirmation to someone more reliable. Who is this person? It's ourselves.
We have to learn to affirm ourselves. When doing things, we need to see more of our own gains. For example, when helping classmates, we may improve our abilities, or we may feel the value of ourselves in the process of giving, and feel that we are a person who is useful to society and useful to others. In this way, when you help others, you will not care too much about whether others give you positive affirmation, because your harvest is already a precious reward for yourself.
The class teacher did not praise you for this matter, so that you realized that you have a heart that desires to be praised, then you should give more encouragement and affirmation to others in your usual interactions with classmates, friends and family, because this is an act that can bring good feelings to others. Although we cannot give the initiative of happiness to others, we can take the initiative to bring happiness to others.
The reminder here is that whether it is affirming others or affirming yourself, you must be sincere.
First, avoid general praise, which will not make yourself and others happier and more confident, but will appear empty and boring. It is best to be able to combine specific facts, such as: "You are very serious about doing things, and the writing is beautiful", "This painting is really creative, you have a lot of ideas", "If it wasn't for you helping me, I really didn't know what to do"... Words like this combine specific things, whether they are said to oneself or to others, and are more convincing.
Second, you can praise yourself or others by recording three worthwhile things every day. Psychologists have found that if you can record three things that are worthy of gratitude and praise every day, it will make people feel better. You know, a good mood is very helpful for us to improve the efficiency of doing things. When recording, the object is not only the vigorous big thing, but also the small things with flashing points are also worth recording. Praising others allows us to learn more from others, and praising ourselves can make us constantly gain self-confidence.
As the slogan of a CCTV program said, "Gold will always shine." I wish you soon to meet that sparkling self.
Li Ling