The netizen letter said:
My husband and I were free to fall in love and marry, and he pursued me. At that time, I actually didn't like my husband so much, and I certainly didn't hate it. So before I agreed to be his girlfriend, I was in a relatively high and cold state in front of him. It wasn't until after establishing a relationship with him that I found that my dependence on him became stronger and stronger. When we were in love for almost a year, we were married. The year after we got married, our children were born.
Although in the process of marriage, we will also quarrel over trivial matters in life, but our feelings are generally justified. Therefore, I am more satisfied with our marital status, and I have given my husband full trust during this period.
When we reached the 6th year of our married life, the husband met a girl in her early twenties through online social platforms and developed a lover relationship with each other. Regarding the husband and lover, I noticed that there was something abnormal about my husband and found it in the form of peeking at my husband's mobile phone chat history. Then my husband and I had a big fight. He deleted all of his lover's contact details in front of me and sincerely apologized to me. After weighing the pros and cons, I gave forgiveness.
After the infidelity period, although the integrity of the marriage was preserved, I found that I became a very suspicious person, even if my husband went to the bathroom normally, I would feel that he went to the bathroom to hide from me and the opposite sex in the chat, so that every time he went to the bathroom, I would eavesdrop on whether there was a voice inside the door, and only when I couldn't hear the voice I would be relieved. In fact, not once did I hear my husband talking while he was in the bathroom.
In addition, when my husband returns late, or when he can't answer my phone or reply to my message in seconds, I will also think wildly. In this state, not only my husband is tired, but I am also tired. However, the process of rebuilding trust is really too difficult.
Muzi Li emotional analysis:
There is a saying called: one day by a snake bite, ten years afraid of well rope. This means that when many people are hit by something, in their future lives, they will have an inexplicable fear of similar events. Although I don't want to do this, I can't help myself. Just like, everyone has their own most feared small animals, bound to, many people are more afraid of snakes. However, what I fear most is the toad. It comes from, when I was very young, when I was playing with mud, I found a small round hole in the earthen wall, so I put my hand in it, and then I grabbed a lazy toad from the small round hole, and the feeling at that time was that it was sour. It was also after that that that I became afraid of toads. It's been many years since this happened, and now I still have a grudge when I see the toad.
After the infidelity period, there are only two options, either forgive or divorce. Many people will be given the option of divorce because there are so many entanglements in marriage that they are given the option of divorce in the post-infidelity period. However, in the process of forgiveness, I found myself particularly tormented and painful. At this time, even if you want to change the decision to forgive and give the idea of divorce, but you are still unwilling, or there is too much attachment to the marriage, the result is that you have a bad heart and give forgiveness. However, the trust between husband and wife has been torn apart at the moment when the lover's cheating is exposed, so that they will inexplicably find it difficult to re-establish trust in the lover, making them have a suspicious posture about the words and deeds of the lover. In this case, you will hate your own suspicious ghosts, because your doubts and ghosts will make your lover cry and laugh, and your lover will feel uncomfortable. However, because the lover belongs to the cheating party, he can only give hidden tolerance.
Although it is easy to write and say that forgivening two people is easy to say, in the specific operation process, the process of forgiveness is a more painful process. Therefore, when some people are unable to be open-minded, don't blame them, because some things have not happened to you, and you will not feel the pain and involuntariness of the period. Of course, rebuilding trust necessarily requires a process. In this process, the derailed party also needs to cooperate.
So, in the post-derailment period, what should the cheating party do to make the lover re-establish trust in you: 1) Do everything fall behind. 2) Don't produce behaviors that make your lover suspicious. 3) Be patient enough in the face of your lover's complaints or suspicions. 4) Let yourself before your lover has re-established trust in you, it is best to take the initiative to live in front of your lover into a small transparency, just like, when there is a social, take the initiative to video chat with your lover, let her know what you are doing; the mobile phone can take the initiative to let the lover view, or when the lover wants to see your mobile phone, do not give rejection. When you make some small links in your life that may make your lover uneasy, so that you don't let your lover think wildly, her suspicion will slowly disappear. At that point, married life is back on the right track.
Regarding the implementation of extramarital affairs, it may not require too much cost, especially in the era of fast food love, sometimes a gift of a few hundred dollars, or a few days of sweet words, or the price of a meal, can be finalized. After tasting the early, I will also feel bored, but I did not withdraw from the extramarital affair in time. Or his own life is weak, the first time he is ambiguous with the opposite sex, he is discovered by his lover. To be sure, many cheaters don't have any idea of divorce at all, but the cost of the post-cheating period is heavy.
Some people will be involved in extramarital affairs, can not exchange for the result of the lover's forgiveness, let themselves how to ask for forgiveness, the lover has given the feedback of divorce; some people although forgiven by the lover, but the infidelity itself has caused serious harm to the lover, so that after the infidelity period to re-establish trust and heal the process, both husband and wife are more tormented.
Editor's Note:
When there is an extramarital affair in the married life, the behavior we often see is: many people will try everything to drive away the love enemy, and the real mentality at that time is that they do not want to lose, and they also want to preserve the integrity of the marriage. However, after actually expelling the third party, some people choose to divorce. It comes from the fact that wanting to forgive and being able to forgive are two different things. Therefore, even if you choose to forgive in the post-derailment period, it is a more painful process.
In fact, many people in love and after marriage, for the lover is actually more trusting, as long as in the married life to give the lover a sense of security, the lover basically will not think wildly. However, when some people don't care much about the feelings of their lovers, and even stage an extramarital affair, then the lover will suffer from gains and losses, doubts and ghosts. During the healing period, the lover actually hates his own state, and it takes a certain amount of time to re-establish trust.
(Picture from the network, graphics and text have nothing to do)