I don't know if you have found such a phenomenon?
If mom and dad are diligent, the child is generally lazy;
If mom and dad are lazy, then the child is more diligent.
My cousin and I are the poster child. As the eldest in the family, my mother has to worry about everything and do things quickly and accurately. I'm very lazy. If you can sit, you can't stand, and if you can lie down, you don't sit. What others can do, they absolutely do not interfere.
My aunt is the oldest child in the family, and she has brothers and sisters to help carry everything. My cousin is more than 10 years younger than me, and she is extremely sensible at a young age, cleaning at her own house in the New Year, and also coming to my house to help my parents clean up.
Why is that?
I think the book "Limited Discipline" provides me with the answer.
The author of "Limited Discipline" is Hiroharu Mitani, a Japanese.
Who is Hiroharu Mitani? He is a former partner at the Boston Consulting Group in Japan, a professor at Kanazawa Institute of Technology's Toranomon Graduate School, and the author of books such as "The Complete History of Business Strategy" and "Communication"; he is also the father of three girls.
Such a rational father, through the judgment of future trends, summarizes the characteristics of talents needed in the future, and then uses the experience of managing the company for parenting, cultivating three independent and self-motivated children.
Back to the question I mentioned earlier, what causes parents to be lazy when they are diligent?
If you want your child to be independent, parents must first be independent in personality
If you want to cultivate your child into an adult who can live independently, then first of all, the child's parents must first grow up and become an independent social person, so that you can set an example for your child and let go of your child to prepare for independence.
The parents are independent, and then in parenting, they can put themselves in the right position.
In parenting, there are two roles for parents – helping and supporting.
Helping parents are when their children encounter things that they can't do, and the parents do it all for them.
Supportive parents will try to let the child complete what they can do, if the child still can't complete, then the parents will teach the child the way to complete, and finally let the child be able to complete it by himself.
Isn't the model of diligent parents and lazy children because parents are helpful parents?
Parents feel troublesome, feel that their children are still young, and feel that they can do it faster than their children, so they all help their children to complete. As a result, the child will not be able to do housework and will not be able to manage money.
This is also the meaning of the title of the book "Limited Discipline", parents do limited things, that provides children with unlimited space for play and growth.
Allowing children to live independently is the last educational investment for parents
Many people are torn about whether to stay in the north or return to their hometown after graduation.
For these young people, where they go depends largely on the education of their parents.
Many parents will not let their children go to college in other provinces for various reasons;
The child went to the field, and worried that the child can not cook, how to eat takeaway every day?
The family does not have the money to let the children buy a house in the big city;
……
Parents who have such ideas at home, children will naturally choose a lifestyle based on home. Work in your hometown, get married in your hometown, buy a house in your hometown, and have a stable job.
This choice is not bad. It may be because the child is not independent enough, and he has to choose this way.
Who is responsible for the child's inability to do housework;
Who is the cause of the child's lack of interest in the outside world;
Who is the reason why children are afraid to try it?
It is the parent's educational method, educational philosophy. Allowing children to have the ability to live independently is the last investment of parents in their children, and it also broadens the path that children can take.
Just like Long Yingtai told her son Andrei: Child, I ask you to study hard, not because I want you to compare your grades with others, but because I hope that you will have the right to choose in the future, choose meaningful and time-consuming work, rather than being forced to make a living. When your work has meaning in your heart, you have a sense of accomplishment. When your work gives you time and doesn't deprive you of your life, you have dignity. A sense of accomplishment and dignity that gives you joy.
What are the characteristics of independent children
What are the characteristics of a "lazy" child?
I think it's lazy thinking, lazy action, and others arrange me to do it.
But this kind of "lazy" child is not the talent needed by the current society and the future society.
Hiroharu Mitani, author of "Limited Discipline," believes that future young people must have efficient trial and error skills. This ability is inseparable from imagination, decision-making and survivability.
- Decision-making power
In order not to deprive children of decision-making power, parents should teach them how to think and how to find answers in the face of their children's questions. The child knows how to make his own decisions and is responsible for supervising whether the child is performing the process correctly.
- imagination
Conformist psychology can limit a child's imagination. When your child is different from others, parents should give praise instead of saying why you are different from others?
- Survivability
Some parents' over-protection and over-interference, so that children feel very depressed will also deprive children of many abilities, such as self-judgment, subjective initiative, imagination, enthusiasm, interpersonal communication skills and so on. Among them, subjective initiative and enthusiasm can be said to be the cornerstone of viability. Parents should be supportive parents, not helper parents.
One of my favorite authors, Wang Xiaoxiaojie, shared his philosophy of educating her daughter on social platforms:
Parenting is about constantly resetting schedules as you grow up. Help her decide what to do and what not to do, what to do first and then do, what to do more and do less, what to repeat countless times. Finally, write the order of her life, for us to accompany her life in the future.
I think Sister Xiao's views coincide with Hiroharu Mitani's "Limited Discipline". Be a helpful parent, help your child develop good habits, and establish their own life order.