Whether the family is harmonious determines the happiness index of family members, the family is inseparable from each other, and language and communication methods affect family harmony. Not only the communication between husband and wife, but also the communication between parents and children is extremely important.
People usually care about the way they communicate with outsiders, but it is easy to ignore the importance of language communication between family members, the lethality of language is unimaginable, and the damage it brings is so serious that it can destroy a family.
The heroine of the movie "Ten Thousand Arrows Through the Heart" Li Baoli is a typical one who destroyed the entire family due to verbal violence, and whenever she encounters unpleasant things in life, she will scold at the exit, and even buying things will clash with people. Verbal violence against her husband at home is commonplace, and her husband Ma Xuewu has been promoted after many years of hard work and has also been assigned to his own house.
On the happy days of housewarming, because her husband gave a cigarette to the workers of the moving company, she was scolded by Li Baoli, not only insulting but even in front of outsiders, she would punch and kick her husband. As a cadre, Ma Xuewu was ridiculed by the workers of the moving company, disgraced and filed for divorce, and his wife communicated violently for a long time, and finally Ma Xuewu chose to jump into the river and commit suicide.
After her husband's death, Li Baoli relied on a flat burden to pick up goods for people to support her children and mother-in-law, doing the heaviest physical work every day, and life was difficult to imagine. After raising the son to adulthood, the son is not only not grateful to the mother but full of disgust, in the son's heart, if the mother is not too strong, communication violence, the father will not die, the family will not be fragmented.
In fact, objectively speaking, Li Baoli has many advantages as a mother, not afraid of hardship, doing things steadily, paying everything for the family from beginning to end, because of violent communication, too strong, ruining the family, but also buried resentment in the heart of her son.
Not paying attention to the language and way of communication hurts the whole family, especially in the education of children, violent communication is meant to hate iron and steel, but it destroys the growth of children.
Violence in family education is counterproductive
There was once a video on the Internet where a mother and her 12-year-old son in Jiangsu had an argument over homework, and the mother directly called the police. She told the police that because the child did not want to do homework and did not obey discipline, she asked 110 to take the child away, and said that she did not want it, and the police would give it to whomever they wanted.
People can't cry and laugh, and during the mediation process of the police, both mother and son are still very excited. When enlightening his son, the boy cried very bitterly, saying that his mother had a very bad temper and was very strict, and he also clashed with his mother in a hurry. After the patient enlightenment of the police, the boy confessed his mistake to his mother, and the mother also said that she would change the way of education and pay attention to the way of communication in the future.
A father in Meishan, Sichuan Province, because his 7-year-old son made a mistake, he actually tied his child with a rope and put it in the river, the child was afraid to cry and beg for forgiveness, others persuaded, but the father said that the reason was said many times, the child could not listen, only to think of this method.
Every parent wants their children to be good and deeply loves their children, but the problems that cannot be solved in education are through violence, and the results can only be counterproductive.
Many parents ignore the way they communicate, and verbal and behavioral violence has no respect at all, which can only make the child more rebellious. In the heart will leave a shadow, reduce the sense of security, and eventually the child will either become timid, sensitive or even depressed, bringing damage that is difficult to heal, or affected by the words and deeds of the parents is also a violent person.
Parents who can communicate, children are better
IKEA in the United Arab Emirates did an experiment on the power of language, two potted plants with the same growing environment, receiving light and fertilizing the same. A pot of pots growing in a beautiful and beautiful language environment every day, a pot in a violent and abusive language environment, and finally growing in a bad language environment every day becomes yellow and withered, while the potted plants that grow in a beautiful language environment grow vigorously.
The lethality of language has such an obvious effect on plants, not to mention people with flesh and blood and feelings.
Chen Meiling, a famous singer who has trained her three sons to become high-achieving students at the University of Sforttan, shared her educational experience and said that the most appropriate way to educate children is to communicate calmly and emotionally smoothly, not violently.
She told the experience of communicating with her son, once the eldest son's test results were not satisfactory but lied that the results were not announced, Chen Meiling realized the seriousness of the matter, but she did not get angry, but ate and chatted with the eldest son. She told the child that the mother would like him no matter what, and there was no need to lie. Sincere and patient communication, let the child open his heart, since then the eldest son has never hidden anything from her, and his academic performance has gradually improved.
Kai-Fu Lee once said that in family education, parents invest 3% of their time in discipline, and the remaining 97% should communicate with their children as equals to be friends, so that they can cultivate their children into a reasonable person.
How to communicate with your child
First of all, communicate in a language that the child can understand, limited by age, the child has no clear judgment and cognition of whether things are correct or not, they only know that by subjective will and preference, parents need correct communication and guidance. The right way of communication can be more effective with less, and if you blindly reprimand, urge or even control, it will not have the desired effect.
Secondly, parents should pay attention to listening, as mentioned in "Empathetic Parenting", children do not have the rationality of adults, and their every reaction depends on the heart of the moment. If the parent accuses and nags, his reaction will be stronger, only to give understanding and respect.
In communication, parents can not take it for granted, they must listen to their children's ideas, and deal with problems objectively and fairly, so that children feel respect and love, trust parents more, and he will also reflect on his words and deeds.
Finally, tolerance, growing up to make mistakes is inevitable, parents should be tolerant, patient guidance. Actor Deng Chao recounted in an interview about his rebellious behavior in adolescence, dressed differently, and was almost expelled when he was 12 years old because he ran away from home.
But his parents did not blame him for this, let alone violent discipline, but believed and accepted him, and through patient guidance let him play his strengths and interests to embark on the path of art.
Pillow Parenting Message:
Montessori once said that what parents do to their children will eventually affect and even determine the child's life. Childhood is an important stage of psychological development, and parental acceptance and love are the most precious gifts to children. Verbal or behavioral violence also affects the child, just pushing him to a negative extreme, a good communication atmosphere, and promoting the child's positive development.
(The picture source of this article is the network, if there is infringement, please contact to delete)