My cabin
· Mao Fei
I like the Taiwanese female writer Sanmao's phrase "enjoy life and appreciate yourself".
She reminded me of my "cabin" again, as if it were already synonymous with that time in my life. As soon as I think of the cottage, I immediately think of the joy, pain, loneliness, freedom and excitement, pursuit that I once had there...
Although my cabin is not sheltered from the wind in winter and rain in summer, it is the first time I have a room of my own. I remember when I first moved into the hut, the walls painted with lime were white and snow-white. There was only minimal old furniture in the room, but the bookcase and writing desk were new. The window had only form and no content (the window was blocked by the kitchen), so I simply pasted it with paper, nailed the partition, and changed it into a bookshelf, on which in addition to the book, there were also a little ornaments.
At that time, I had just finished an unforgettable love affair, had just endured the grief of my father's illness (my mother had already died), and in this dark and miserable day, the only thing that accompanied me through this gentle and simple cottage was the torment.
At night, when the lonely cold moon shone on me sleeplessly, without tears, without sorrow, I got up from bed and began to secretly write some inappropriate words, which I also called novels or essays (in fact, just essays). During the day as a stamper in the factory, at night dragging my tired body to spread out paper and pencil, the harsh environment made me have to suffer, I kept writing, kept changing. Because the understanding of life is still too superficial, the small ups and downs in life are also too serious, and at that time, I really do not understand that there will be many difficulties to go through in life.
In September 1977, the state decided to resume the college entrance examination. This is great news, whether it is good or not, I can't let go of this opportunity. So I started studying day and night in the cottage, and I didn't learn high school classes at all. Finally, I lost the test, the score was 296 points, the admission score line was 217.5 points, and I breathed a long sigh of relief. I wanted to be a teacher wholeheartedly, so I solemnly filled in the volunteer book as a major in early childhood education at Beijing Normal University. Unexpectedly, when I handed in the volunteer book, a female cadre in the office said very unceremoniously: You are a junior high school student, you can't apply for an ordinary university, you can only apply for a professional college like a music college, and I have no choice but to apply for a foreign language college. After several days of waiting, I finally failed to receive the admission letter, the municipal admissions office gave me the reply that foreign language majors generally recruit under 23 years old; as for the application restrictions, the state does not have any regulations, and your situation belongs to the enterprise itself.
The following year, the TELEVISION University enrolled for the first time, and I became a student in the Chinese Department. At that time, the University of Electricity and Electricity belonged to the nature of night school, classes at night, in more than three years of study time, I did not have to be late, did not ask for leave, in order to concentrate on class, I chose my seat in the first row connected with the lectern table, most of the steamed buns for dinner were secretly swallowed when the teacher turned back to write the board book.
As Sanmao said, I made some new friends, and I invited them to come to the cottage to talk about their lives and dreams. For a while my life was full of anger again. A friend visited my hut for the first time, and he said: If Xu Pengfei had known about this hut, he would not have locked Xu Yunfeng in the slag hole. My friends laughed at his humor, but I could only laugh bitterly in return. Although my cottage is so shabby and humid all year round, it is my home after all, after all, it is a home that makes me bitter, has melted infinite warmth and happiness, and allowed me to speak freely!
I found that the atmosphere of the cottage and the host's state of mind can affect each other, and I constantly changed the form of the cottage and got out of the predicament again and again. I pasted Zheng Banqiao's "rare confusion" on the wall, and with the passage of time, my understanding of these words gradually deepened, and according to it, I successfully broke through several dilemmas, including the handling of work and marriage.
Many years have passed, and the cottage has long been a memory, but it still motivates me not to give up independence, hard work, upward mobility...
(The photo in the text is the author taking a photo in the cottage that year)
【About the author】Mao Fei, real name Li Huan, was born in Tianjin in 1950. He worked as a grinder in a factory, an editor at Tianjin Television Station, engaged in animation films, and began writing in 1998, writing the film script "Old Old Brew" (broadcast on CCTV), "The Bride of September", and the TV script "The Mystery of the Giants".