Regarding self-acceptance, Maslow once summed it up this way: "A self-accepting person can accept himself and others, and will not be troubled by his own or the shortcomings of others, and feel embarrassed and uneasy."
They can calmly accept their current situation, including their own needs, levels, and wishes, and they are also tolerant of the weaknesses and problems of others and live calmly. ”
The older you get, the greater the significance of self-acceptance.
No matter what situation you are in at the moment, you don't have to be nervous, let alone panic, accept everything calmly, and face life bravely.
In a sense, everyone is their own hero.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="7" >1, accept your own ordinariness, meet the good life</h1>
Self-media author Suhesi once told such a story.
When I went to medical school, the psychology teacher was a silver-haired, temperamental re-employed old professor, and she shared her daughter's story with everyone.
Her daughter has been aDHD since she was a child, from kindergarten to primary school to middle school, she has been criticized and accused by every teacher for being hyperactive and mischievous and disciplined, and even verbally abused and physically punished.
The professor also went to communicate with the teachers and told about the pathogenesis and clinical manifestations of ADHD, hoping to prove that it was not something that the daughter could control by relying on willpower, and even if the medicine was used, there were still many small actions.
But the result is not satisfactory, some teachers can understand, some teachers scoff at this, and even more have pointed at her nose and shouted that she is arrogant and indulgent of her daughter, unprincipled, unworthy of parenthood.
As a result, she was forced to transfer schools with her daughter twice.
However, when the third year of high school was approaching the college entrance examination, my daughter still suffered from severe depression.
Psychology professor his daughter has a serious mental illness!
This is nothing less than a great irony, and the mother professor gradually calms down after the initial panic.
Subsequently, she took a long vacation for herself and gave her daughter a suspension from school.
The mother and daughter rented a courtyard in the countryside, and every day in addition to growing vegetables and flowers, they herded sheep and fed chickens, basked in the sun in their spare time, and listened to her recorded mp3 together.
Under the influence of a vast sea of psychological works, my daughter would often cry when she listened to it.
Finally, one day, my daughter cried and hugged her and said, "Mom, why do you say that I am so useless, why can't I control myself?" Will I be like the teacher said, a lifetime of garbage, a lowly person without self-control..."
In this regard, the old professor did not answer his daughter immediately, but told her daughter such a story:
Once upon a time, there was a fisherman who was very lucky to pick up a large and bright pearl.
To this end, he wiped the pearls bright and bright every day.
But a jewelry merchant told him that although the pearl was beautiful, if you looked closely, there was a small spot on it, and if the spot could be removed, the pearl would be more precious.
The fisherman listened to the jeweler's encouragement and began to cut the surface of the pearl.
But when he cut off one layer, he immediately found that the spots were still there, so he cut another layer.
Until the end, the spots are gone, and the pearls are turned into powder.
Each of us is like a pearl, and each pearl has more or less, large or small flaws.
Some are stains that will be removed when you wipe them off, but some are innate and cannot be removed no matter how hard you try.
Flaws are not important, how to deal with flaws is crucial.
Accept the flaw, tolerate it, do not feel inferior and guilty because of the accusations of others, do not blame and shame yourself because of external criticisms, face up to your own shortcomings, and live in harmony with it, you will gain the strength to be calm, just like the Buddhists say that "the eight winds cannot blow.".
Since then, my daughter's depression has not healed.
She was admitted to an ordinary university, became her favorite but mediocre gardener, married a small clerk husband who was in love with each other, and gave birth to a cute baby.
The old professor said proudly: "My daughter has fully accepted her imperfect self, understands the inevitability of defects in herself, but will not be at the mercy of it, her inner world is really strong, and she will never be crumbling in the storm again, I am proud and proud of her." ”
In this life, in fact, the most difficult thing to accept is their own imperfections.
Whenever you want to point out the shortcomings of the other person, he will fight back and refuse to admit his problems.
It's not that others don't understand, it's just that they don't want to face it, because change is always more painful than the same.
Everyone is a pearl, bright and dazzling, but everyone has their own flaws.
If you blindly nitpick, then life for you will always be a disaster.
Because you can always find imperfections in yourself, there are always people who are better and better than you in some aspects.
The growth of people is not a process of pursuing perfection, but an experience of discovering their own strengths and taking advantage of their strengths and avoiding weaknesses.
When you have a deeper understanding of your own shortcomings and can accept the defects, life will be much less anxious.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="92" >2, ordinary does not equal mediocre</h1>
The famous Taiwanese writer Wu Nianzhen once told such a story.
His son's math grades were terrible, and the teacher wrote in the contact book for value: "Math scores should be strengthened!" ”
When the wife came home, she saw it and scolded her son with her face split.
Seeing this, Wu Nianzhen quickly pulled his wife aside and said to her: "When you went to school, was your math very good?" ”
Only to see his wife reply: "It sucks!" ”
Subsequently, Wu Nianzhen said: "Mine is also very bad, and I only scored 10 points in the university joint examination." ”
Then, Wu Nianzhen said to his wife seriously: "What we can't do ourselves, don't embarrass the children." ”
Whether such a scene is particularly familiar, whether it is yourself, or the people around you who are related to yourself, there are more or less unsatisfactory results and parents blindly accusing.
There must be a reason for the poor grades, and it is definitely not a parent's scolding that can turn things around.
Many times, the insults that hate children for iron and steel are just a reaction to self-catharsis.
As an adult, your accusations and invectives simply impose your unfulfilled wishes on your children and force them to fulfill their dreams.
But people are different after all, some people are good at exams, some people are good at reading, and some people are good at artistic creation.
If you want to do everything you can to make a breakthrough in your child's learning, you may wish to seriously think: Does your child really love learning? Whether his abilities are really in learning.
We are not saying that reading is useless, on the contrary, reading is the fairest opportunity in a person's life, but not everyone is good at reading and good at exams.
If your child is destined to be a scumbag, it is not a blessing in life to accept this reality and enjoy parent-child time.
As Jung said, "For ordinary people, the most important lesson in life is to learn to accept themselves." ”
In this society, most people will spend an ordinary life, as do we, as well as our children and grandchildren.
But the ordinary does not mean mediocrity, and the ordinary is not boring.
Ordinariness is the reality of accepting the reality of powerlessness for things beyond one's own capabilities, doing a good job of a screw duty, and living one's short and meaningful life.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="93" >3, the luckiest thing in life is to love what you love</h1>
"Yangcheng Evening News" once published such a small story.
Once upon a time, there was a young man who was obsessed with poetry and wanted to become a poet.
So, when he attended the gathering of the poetry critic Mrs. Stein, he took out his proud work on the spot and asked Mrs. Stein to comment on it.
Young people are full of confidence, full of expectations for their poetry, and believe that their proud works will definitely be praised by others.
But Mrs. Stein did not "spare his mouth", and bluntly said that he did not have the talent to write poetry, suggesting that he choose a more suitable career for him earlier.
Although the young man was hit, he reflected seriously and analyzed objectively after returning home, and felt that Mrs. Stein's words were not wrong.
From then on, he began to explore constantly and decided to become a painter.
Years later, the young man had become a world-famous painter.
When he recalled the story of Madame Stein, he said with emotion: "If it were not for Madame Stein, I might still be entangled in the dream of the poet and lose touch with painting." ”
This young man was Picasso.
Each of us has more or less experienced a period of confusion during which we see no hope, no road under our feet, and no idea where to fall next.
All actions are instinctive, and they cannot find the value of their own existence, and even more will doubt themselves and feel that they are useless.
In essence, it is actually the growth rate that cannot keep up with the expected results, so there is pessimism about yourself.
But if one day, you can accept yourself and face yourself, you will find that you are far more important than you think.
For everyone, self-acceptance is the greatest tenderness of life.
This will prompt you to analyze yourself objectively and calmly, so as to find your own ability to excel, and to show your strengths in a limited life.
The luckiest thing in life is to love what you love and be what you do.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="94" >4, life, nine difficulties</h1>
When we were young, we looked forward to the future, longed for the distance, and always felt that our future would definitely shine.
But once I grew up, I found that nothing could fully fulfill my wishes.
Later, after experiencing the ups and downs of the world, I understood the concreteness and complexity of life.
For every adult, life is difficult.
When you climb over one mountain after another, you find that the saddest thing is actually life.
Everyone is imperfect, everyone has their own flaws.
It is not easy for anyone in this world to beg for food, do not rush to deny others, and do not blame anyone.
If you particularly hate someone's flaws, it's often because you see a shadow of yourself in them.
As Teacher Zhou Guoping said: "There are three times in life, one is when you find that you are no longer the center of the world; the second is when you find that you can't do anything no matter how hard you try; the third is when you accept your ordinariness and enjoy the ordinary." ”
For the rest of my life, I would like to join hands with the kings to go to a grand bloom.