Childhood is a stage of ignorance and ignorance that requires love and proper guidance. However, the truth is not as beautiful as we aspire.
Frank Kadler, a prominent American psychologist, said:
One of the most unfortunate facts in life is that the first major affliction we encountered came mostly from our families, and that this ordeal is heritable.
01
On the stage of "Singer" in 2018, when Zhang Shaohan sang
Flowers in Dreams
When that sentence: 'The only pure white jasmine..... Take us to the green years of school.
Ten years later, she finally stands gorgeous on the stage again, full of confidence and strength in front of us.
Ten years ago, the campus was full of her songs "Invisible Wings" and "Flowers in Dreams"... Her and Wu Zun's idol drama "Princess Little Sister" was extremely popular.
When her career was in full swing, the fake scandal exposed by her parents brought her career to an abrupt end and the human set collapsed.
Who knows what a bad native family Zhang Shaohan, who looks like a princess, has.
From the age of 15, she was responsible for raising the family. Wash cars, sell beef noodles, deliver takeaways, set up stalls to sell clothes, and work as a salesman in a small shop. She was so busy that she wore the stars and the moon, but her father drank until he was drunk every day.
Parents fight almost every day, even with their hands, and the home is always full of blame, violence and repression.
Every penny Zhang Shaohan earned was given to her mother, but her mother quietly disappeared when she had a heart attack and needed money for surgery, and took all her savings.
--However, today, Zhang Shaohan returned.
Wow the audience!
Such a bad original family ruined her career, but it did not ruin her life.
Zhang Shaohan, who is 36 years old, has a firm look in his eyes and a clear and powerful voice.
She announced that she had severed ties with her family! Breaking free from the cage of the original family, he jumped out of the vicious circle of sorrow.
The harm of the original family to a person is an indelible lifelong shadow, but there is always light behind the shadow.
Believe that you have the ability to embrace the good, and you can't live up to the future because you stay in irreversible harm.
02
The famous pianist Lang Lang was also deeply affected by his original family.
As a child, Lang Lang began to contact the piano when he was less than two years old, and almost always accompanied the piano in his childhood, as long as he did not practice, he would be punished by his father.
In order to let his son learn the piano, Lang Guoren also resigned to take his son to Beijing to study, and borrowed money from relatives and friends to take his son to the exam.
Once, the father misunderstood that Lang Lang was greedy and did not practice on time, so he was furious and said angrily that he had given up a lot and paid a lot in order to let his son practice. Shouting for Lang Lang to jump off the building, and even throwing him a medicine bottle to make him take medicine to die, everything will end when he dies.
His father's words hurt Lang Lang a lot, and for a long time the wounds in Lang Lang's heart were difficult to heal.
Although the parent is sincere with the child, the words are too vicious, he is just a child. Jackie Chan's eagerness to bring an imperfect childhood to a child will make him have a lifetime of regrets.
However, Lang Lang did not complain about his original family.
Why?
- Because he overcame himself and came out.
The past has become the past, and the future has not yet arrived.
You have a right to choose: if you prove that you are a child who has been killed by your parents at the expense of your future happiness, the price is too great.
The problem of the original family is extremely common in our lives, but we do not realize it.
For example, some children always have bad exits, bad words hurt people, and have an unpleasant time with children, often using vicious words such as "let my father drive and kill you".
You can imagine what a terrible family environment he lived in.
For example, some people will have procrastination, ADHD, and even autism.
When parents just blame their children for this, they never think that these problems are related to their parenting style and the misfortunes experienced by their children, and children suffer more than their parents.
Children who grow up in a good family environment have a healthy personality, are confident, and are kind and kind.
In fact, everyone is walking with the burden of the original family. We have to let go of the past and reconcile with ourselves. You can't live in the shadow of the original family all your life and be the product of the sadness of the original family.
In addition to Zhang Shaohan and Lang Lang, "Niangniang" Sun Li was also deeply affected by the original family.
Today, they have all come out and have their own beautiful lives.
Domestic psychologist Wu Zhihong once said:
The chinese people do not know much about the impact of our original families on our psychology, but they are still far from enough.
In 2007, he wrote the book "Why Home Hurts", which systematically talked about the various negative effects that may exist in the original family. It was from that time that the harm of the "original family" to people was gradually taken seriously, and it has only been nine years now.
Before that, the Internet and the media were full of it all
"Parents under the heavens", "Filial piety maximization"
Such a tone. In a way, he was the little boy who poked through the "emperor's new clothes" and punctured it.
At present, the domestic psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: The impact of the Chinese people on the original family on our psychology is not not much, but it is far from enough.
Let us understand the negative impact of the original family, the ultimate purpose is not to let us recognize how bad our parents are, but to let us face the bloody trauma, accept the imperfect self, and change this reality through efforts to win our own lives.