52 Report that there is no filial piety in front of the bedside for a long time
People all advocate "filial piety first", that is, children must take filial piety as their first and most primitive good disposition. I believe that everyone will swear to still be filial piety when their parents are "sick for a long time".
However, filial piety is indeed not an easy thing: when you have achieved a hundred good things, there are always mistakes or slackness, then a hundred dense, you are not filial enough. When you do a thousand good things, others will also find out your problems or say that you did not expect it, and you are not filial enough. When you do ten thousand good, and the old man does not think you are good only because of the inertia he has learned, you are not filial piety. When you do it well, everyone, even yourself, takes everything for granted, inconsiderate and unappreciated. Therefore, "no filial piety in front of the bed for a long time" has been pulled out, that is to say, there is really "no filial piety" in the face of "long illness".
The interpretation of "filial piety" in the "Ci hai" is: filial piety is the original righteousness, dedication to nurturing and obedience to parents. But how can it be considered "dedicated"?
One day, when I was taking care of my father's dinner, because my father used chopsticks incorrectly and his gestures were not correct, he jokingly criticized my father: People in their 80s, how can they not use tableware as children? But my father suddenly became angry: Where am I 80 years old? As a result, my father was always angry with me. Until my wife Yu Hong returned, after hearing the reason, my wife criticized me: Why is my father more than 80 years old? Dad looks at most 78 years old. Dad was relieved and stopped pursuing my words.
I read the "Yongquan Yue Carp" of the Twenty-Four Filial Pieties and said: Jiang Shi, a Guanghan from Sichuan in the Eastern Han Dynasty, married Pang as his wife. Husband and wife filial piety, their home is six or seven miles away from the Yangtze River, Pang often goes to the river to get the Yangtze River water that her mother-in-law likes to drink. Mother-in-law loves to eat fish, husband and wife often make fish for her to eat, mother-in-law does not want to eat alone, they invite neighbors to eat together. Once, because of the strong wind, Pang Shi returned late with water, and Jiang Shi suspected her of neglecting her mother and expelled her from the house. Pang lived in the neighbor's house, spinning and weaving fabrics day and night, entrusting the income from his savings to the neighbors to return home to honor their mother-in-law. Later, the mother-in-law learned of Pang's expulsion and asked Jiang Shi to invite him back. On the day pang returned home, spring water suddenly gushed out of the courtyard, the taste was the same as the water of the Yangtze River, and two carp jumped out every day. Since then, Pang has used these to worship his mother-in-law, and he does not have to go far to the river. This story is about filial piety, and it is also said that filial piety has good rewards. And the emergence of "unfilial piety" may be because there is no such good reward.
I'm a man with a heart. In the process of serving the elderly, from the beginning to solve the problem of the elderly eating, the elderly's teeth are handled well, and the problem of nutrient absorption is solved. Food pairing and cooking dishes are Lao Wang's best tricks, so with good teeth and mouth, you can eat and absorb well. Then I solved the problem of medication for the elderly, cutting off the unnecessary and auxiliary drugs of "three points of poison", and the elderly's body recovered rapidly. Next, I created many different ways to alleviate the inconvenience caused by the mental pressure and physical muscle weakness of the elderly, and used chat, body acupuncture point massage, etc. to help my father recover, or not to develop in a bad way, so as to slow down the arrival of the moment when my father was lying down in bed.
I am a person who can endure and stay at home, so in the process of serving my father, I basically ensure that I am always around, and I endure all kinds of clutter and filth again and again, and deal with everything well, and also consider that the face and tone of speech when speaking do not make my father feel that his self-esteem is frustrated.
In order to take care of my father, I separated from my wife and moved to a small room opposite my father's room to facilitate care at any time. When sleeping, keep one ear upright to ensure that you can hear the movement of your father's side at any time, so that you can appear in time to help your father solve the problem.
For everything I did for my father, I took the initiative to add it, not the doctor's guidance or instructions. But my father had taken all this as something that Lao Wang had to do every day, and never asked me if I was tired or busy.
To my great distress, these auxiliary exercise methods, massage methods, interval cleaning methods, etc., which I created, became a burden that I could not shirk, and I was never remembered by my father as an extra help and love that only I could give him with my best efforts. When the time came, Dad called me to give me a massage, as if: It's your fault that you forgot; if I want to be massaged, you should come to me and serve me. I was completely grateful and took me for granted.
In August 2020, the fourth cousin of My Aunt Jiangxi's family came to visit her uncle, my father. They acted loving and caring, thoughtful, and had their experiences and experiences in all aspects, saying a lot of things about this care method, the old man's physical needs, and so on. For example, they feel that the old man's feet are cold, so they have to put on socks, but after they leave, the old man takes them off. But the old man seemed to grasp what his cousins said, and thought that I was not perfect enough in terms of care, so he kept looking at me with a "cross-eyebrow cold pair" look, as if there were "thousand fingers" looking at me. This made me very impatient, and I couldn't say that I felt the helplessness of the world after I had done my best.
For human nature, especially for the elderly, there is an unconscious "discriminating heart" of "distant relatives, close to smell". It may not be their fault, because they know that it is not easy to take care of his children who eat and drink around him, but over time, they have become accustomed to it. In this kind of daily activity after "habituation", the more children who are taken care of around them, the more likely they are to make mistakes or delays, or to be fierce in words, and other small problems, which will be considered "unfilial piety" by the elderly and do not understand the hearts of the elderly. At this time, the elderly often think of the good of the children in the distance, as long as they have a phone greeting, the elderly are moved. Where do the old people still want to get the care of the children around them. And when asking the elderly who to go to who there to pension how? At this time, the old man said very soberly: Don't go! It felt like my father knew in his heart that living with me was his best bet.
Long-term companionship with the sick old man, the child has almost completely lost his freedom and time, everything to the old man as the axis of rotation, afraid of a careless, the old man fell or other unpredictable accidents and delayed to save time, and then leave the sequelae is even more sinful and everyone is sad. Freedom and time may be placed second, and this constant fear and fear makes the children around me have a mental pressure all the time, making me sleep unsteadily and sleep restlessly. For a long time, either they will collapse on their own, or there will be some phenomenon of "no filial piety in front of the bed for a long time", which is really helpless.
Accompanying the sick elderly for a long time, the children cared for around them have formed a regular life, and everything is orderly, especially in terms of medication or non-medication, which is more understanding and accurate. However, relatives and friends will still put forward a lot of suggestions and opinions or precautions, which is also beneficial, but it seems that the care is not complete, and the children who take care of the elderly seem to be filial piety. Moreover, some old people will sue, and he only judges the good and bad care of the children around him from his own temporary feelings, filial piety and filial piety, and so on. The child who is dedicated to taking care of the elderly is not pleasing to the eye, and there is a phenomenon of "filial piety" as others say.
The different feelings of oneself, the elderly, and others in the face of the problem of "long-term illness" make the "filial piety" impossible to "filial piety".
Filial piety is an understanding of the elderly, understanding that their bodies are weak and cannot support themselves, and they cannot be as smooth as when they were young. In particular, to understand their own "incompetence" and self-perceived inner imbalance, perhaps also resulting in a lot of anxiety and uneasiness, but also make them angry, ashamed of themselves, but in order to save their face, they may be open to the children around them, difficult, etc., as if to find some face.
Gu Yun: "Filial piety does not matter in the heart, and there is no filial piety in ten thousand years." If we talk about filial piety, we should look at whether a person has filial piety and whether he has the idea of filial piety, which is the most important, and there is no need to worry about how much filial piety a person has done. If a person is judged by how many filial pieties he has done, then it can be said that there is no true filial piety in the whole world.
Filial piety depends on the needs of parents as much as possible to make their parents happy. For example: "Poor parents, money is filial piety; lonely parents, companionship is filial piety; sick and weak parents, care is filial piety; worried parents, comfort is filial piety; grumpy parents, understood as filial piety; nagging parents, listening is filial piety."
As a parent, we should also be more considerate of our children: "If there is no evil in the heart, it is good, and it is filial piety to know that there is a reward for gratitude." ”
Respecting ancestors is filial piety. So just do your best, don't care about the feelings and understanding of any of the three parties.
The Mandate of Heaven does not violate and does everything in its power, which is enough to comfort the filial piety and the heart of the "unfilial son".
Maybe it was that dedication, so there was a mother in "01 Dream Mother" who came back to visit. The mother in the dream was radiant and smiling, which was a kind of comfort and praise for me.
Unfinished, to be continued.