Yesterday, with the second child bao mom drank an afternoon tea, the second treasure is in the whole process, and the girlfriend has no time to chat, she has been taking care of the 3-year-old baby, one will serve tea, one will take cookies, one will tell the baby not to run around..., see the girlfriend state is very tired.
Ask her if she is very tired lately, she immediately opened the spit mode: since having the second treasure, she got up from 6:30 in the morning, from cooking, tutoring homework, taking care of children, washing clothes, doing hygiene... Every day is almost busy until 11:30 p.m., there is hardly a minute to stop and rest, almost can't support it...
I said, "What about your husband?" Don't help when you get back from work?
She sighed and said: Don't talk about it, her husband is getting more and more "giant baby", I really want to return him to his mother! When I get home from work, I play games and eat several times! The meal was to be served in front of him, last month his dad was hospitalized, everything was taken care of by me, he followed me, like my son, not my husband! How do you say?
I said: What can I do? Divorce, change to a more diligent man. Either quarrel, louder than who has a loud voice, or lazier, he plays games you brush drama, he does not cook, you call your own takeaway, he does not care about children, you free- There are always more ways than difficulties...
But are you really willing to use these methods? I asked my girlfriend.
The girlfriend shook her head thoughtfully and said: I really can't see it.
"Can't see it" is not a common "pain point" for those of us who feel "tired". Because in your opinion there are things that you feel more important and more concerned about than tiredness, and you have a sense of family responsibility that you can't let go. You will subconsciously think that without yourself, he will not be able to live well, and there is a sense of satisfaction in being needed. Once you find out that he doesn't need you anymore, you feel like you're worthless.
And are you afraid that things will not be implemented according to your wishes? Just like the shoes at home need to be placed the way you want them to be. He goes home and changes his shoes and doesn't lay them out the way you want them to, you complain about him, you want him to do it, and you have to do it the way you want. If he can't do it, you feel better off doing it yourself. My mother is such a person, my mother and my father grind their teeth every day, but after 50 years of marriage, I see anything my father does, my mother does not like it, my father is happy to save some effort, because doing is also scolded, not doing is also being scolded...
It could also be that you don't want to argue, and if you complain, it will mess up the atmosphere in the house. You're worried that if you don't play this role, this home will be difficult to maintain, so for the sake of this family, you can only continue to maintain this tiredness.
There must be some force maintaining the status quo. What is it? From your own perspective, what are the things you are most worried about when you want to change?
From my family experience, just feel tired, certainly not to the point of divorce, besides, divorce, too much trouble, marriage is a sentiment problem, divorce is a math problem, like me, people who do not count well, definitely not.
But laziness, but it is feasible, I said to my girlfriend, learn to show weakness, let him feel that you really need him, you think about it, you are college classmates, when you look at him, he must have given you a reliable shoulder, then when did his shoulder become weak and windy? Didn't you give him a chance to exercise?
Or that he changed after he got married, that is, he wanted to be a "giant baby". Then you take care of him as a "giant baby", he plays games, you confiscate his mobile phone, tell him that playing games is not good for the eyes, bad for the body, and then help him sign up for a home economics class, let him study, you check your homework every day like a mother.
Also, wherever he wants to go, you go with him, telling him everything where to be careful and what not to do. He feels unaccustomed and says why are you so annoyed, then you can say: "Since you don't want to be a giant baby, then you take on the division of family responsibilities that you should bear."
Do you have any good ideas for my girlfriend's troubles? Feel free to leave me a message in the comments section.