Do you sometimes like yourself and sometimes hate yourself?
Do you often think wildly, have deep self-doubt, and once fall into mental attrition?
Do you expect to get up every day to soak up the sun and embrace the world, but you are disturbed by the trivialities of chicken feathers and start to be depressed?
Have you ever tried self-discipline countless times and failed?
Are you secretly crying in the quilt late at night, complaining about the loneliness of the world? Are you looking forward to the future, but you are infinitely anxious and confused, struggling to find the answer?
Unfortunately, I've been through it.
But I was lucky enough to find myself after reading this book.
This book is called "How Many You Have Yourself" and is the work of the famous psychologist Zhu Jianjun.
Through the wonderful "personality image decomposition technique" (also known as "demolition technique"), this book helps us explore our own spiritual world, break through our own understanding, and enter the higher realm of self-knowledge.
At the same time, this book also analyzes eternal topics such as interpersonal relationships and love through "demolition techniques", so that we can get along better with the external world while we are ourselves.
01 How do I get along? Learn to accept yourself and reject internal friction
Let's see if you're familiar with this phenomenon.
When you go to work, you want to take a vacation, and when you have a holiday, you start to be anxious, you can't relax, you don't do anything, you are very tired; you have many plans and ideas, but they just stay at the level of thinking, procrastinate, and worry at the same time...
This state of chronic mental pain is mental attrition.
It's as if there are two little people in your heart arguing and fighting endlessly, consuming your body and mind, leaving you helpless in the face of life, only confused and frustrated.
In the words of this book, it is that one sub-personality and another sub-personality conflict with each other and spit on each other, so that you have no way to be consistent with yourself, and all you feel is pain.
So how can two conflicting sub-personalities get along with each other?
First, you need to get two sub-personalities to know each other, specifically that you need to acknowledge and accept that you are not satisfied with yourself.
Second, let the two sub-personalities like each other.
When one sub-personality likes or attaches to another sub-personality, the heart will be more tolerant and harmonious.
When the sub-personalities like each other, we will also reduce depression and be more harmonious inside.
Therefore, acknowledging and accepting what you are not satisfied with, accepting your complete self, is even more distant from internal friction.
02 How do you get along with others? Seek your own self and love your neighbor as yourself
"Everyone is like a diamond, and people in the world are like diamonds. On each diamond is the shadow of the others. ”
This is a metaphor borrowed from the book's talk about interpersonal psychology.
This book speaks of each person's perception of others, which is to establish a "copy" of others in their own minds.
In other words, our knowledge of others is filtered, and what we know may only be what some of his sub-personalities show.
In general, everyone's feelings for other people are actually feelings in their own hearts about the "copy" of that person. The relationship between 'me' and 'others' is actually the relationship between my 'subject personality' and the 'copy' of the other person in my heart, an internal relationship. ”
Then, when we have conflicts with others, we must learn to seek ourselves and love our neighbors as ourselves.
To seek revenge on oneself is to find more reasons from oneself, try not to blame others, and of course, do not be too harsh on yourself, otherwise it will cause negative emotions such as "depression".
When we learn to seek ourselves, it means that we have the initiative in happiness.
As the book says:
"Since you were able to make yourself unhappy in the past, you can make yourself happy now. We can't be the Lord of what others think and do, but how we think and do it ourselves, at least we can still be the Eight Lords. ”
Therefore, the desire for self will make us not worry about contradictions or trifles with others, but will make the territory of our hearts more extensive.
Second, it is to love one's neighbor as oneself. Loving one's neighbor as one's own is not loving others without limits.
To love your neighbor as yourself, you must first learn how to love yourself. Only by loving yourself can you love others.
03 Why did you fall in love with him? Because He is you
From 20 to 30 years old, love is something that almost everyone will experience.
We may often ask each other," "What do you like about me?" ”
In fact, all we like is the opposite-sex sub-personality in our hearts.
Before falling in love, many people will imagine what the ideal object looks like.
For example, height, age, appearance, identity, status, work, personality, quality, etc., will have their own imagination in some aspects.
And when that person shows up, some people will say, "Meeting him can break all my assumptions and limitations." ”
Everyone may frequently nod their heads and issue unanimous praise, this is love!
So, why did you fall in love with him?
This has to mention the heterosexual sub-personality in each person's heart mentioned in this book.
And when we are looking for an object, whether it is a tangible standard or an invisible standard, it must be related to the personality of the opposite sex in our hearts.
So, as the book says:
"A truly happy marriage and love requires that both partners happen to be the primary opposite-sex sub-personalities of the other."
When the sub-personalities of the opposite sex of both parties are more similar, the closer the relationship between the two parties.
When two such people want to make contact, there will be a feeling of "heart to heart, heart to heart", and it is very easy to understand each other.
Loving each other is like loving themselves, and in our eyes it can be said that they love each other is really equivalent to loving themselves.
This is what we often call "soul mate", which can communicate and communicate smoothly on a spiritual level.
So, the person you like is actually a part of yourself.
04
Here, I just talked about how to live with yourself, how to get along with others, and why you love him, if you want to know yourself more deeply, you may wish to read this book, which will benefit you a lot.
In addition, I would like to share a sentence with you:
Self-knowledge is not only the premise of self-consistency, but also the premise of living in harmony with the world.
May every one of you live a self-consistent, calm, become the master of your own life, and complete the compulsory courses of life.