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In our lifetime, have we ever given everything for the cause we love? Have you ever loved someone wholeheartedly?
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Text | Li Qinyu
My college classmate passed away. Until now, I've been in a bit of a trance.
When I saw the circle of friends posted by his wife on WeChat, I didn't think about that aspect at all. Because she said that a certain teacher went to another world, there were more people with this surname under the sky. Don't say that people are only in their thirties, I only had dinner with them two years ago, and everything is normal.
Suddenly, my friend and I had a private conversation: a classmate had passed away. No matter how hard it is to believe, it's not a joke, it's true. This message was like a heavy hammer, so that I could not return to my mind for a long time, and I was stunned in front of the mobile phone.
I didn't know him very well, and I definitely couldn't be called a close friend. Otherwise, he would not have known nothing about his condition for the past two years. After four years of college, my deepest impression of him was that he was serious and rigorous. Even when I came to my dorm room to play video games for a while, I was meticulous and meticulous, and I would never stop until I figured out the rules and skills.
To be honest, I don't like that. It is no wonder that people are down-to-earth academics, who go to the library as soon as they have time and painstakingly study knowledge. As for me, I prefer to hide in the dormitory and play games, or go to the playground with three or five friends to play a ball. As for studying, just get by. It may be said that we have always been two types of people.
In the years since graduation, I have hardly spoken in the class group or attended almost any gatherings. The reason is also very simple, I am not very good at socializing, plus the students have achieved fame one by one, but they are doing nothing, unremarkable, and there is no interest in joining in the fun. In fact, in the end, this may be that his mind is too narrow and too inferior.
About two years ago, he and his wife invited me to dinner, and it turned out that I hadn't solved my personal problems for many years, and they intentionally tried to introduce me. In this year, there are still people who can remember the old classmates they have not seen for many years after graduation, and without any utilitarian purpose, how rare it is. Although the matter was lost later, the warmth brought to me by that meal can still be felt.
It was also at the dinner table that I felt that under the strict appearance, he also had a cold humor affinity. It turns out that it has always been "boring" not him, shallow is me, what is the real personality charm, I do not understand. In particular, the "mutual pity" between him and his wife made me secretly envious when I was accustomed to loneliness: Probably, this is love.
Who would have thought that this would be our last side. Sometimes, a turn between people is to say goodbye, but we don't know it at the time.
Living to this age, I have also experienced the departure of my relatives, but I always feel that the problem of life and death is still very far away from myself. The message on the mobile phone suddenly broke the illusion, and also made me feel my own smallness instantly - think about the little broken things in work and life, and what I have gained. Just when other people's lives are quietly passing, what are you busy with and how much precious time is wasted?
All night, I didn't sleep well. Grand questions such as the meaning of life and the goals of life almost burst their heads.
After graduation, my classmates worked as Chinese teachers at a famous municipal key high school in Shanghai, and later jumped ship to another more powerful and well-known high school in the country. Before I switched to the media, I also worked as a teacher, and I knew in my heart that the knowledge and teaching level of others was more than one head higher than mine.
By chance, I once found someone posting on a forum asking who the best Chinese teacher in a middle school was. Many netizens named him, and some people wrote a long post about how he developed his potential and encouraged himself to write boldly. At that moment, I had mixed feelings—among the classmates I had taught, I probably had never recognized me so much.
But come to think of it, it's not surprising. Although I had never listened to any of his classes, I could fully imagine how well he was prepared for teaching, how serious he was in class, and how kind and kind he was to his classmates.
In our lifetime, have we ever given everything for the cause we love? Have you ever loved someone wholeheartedly? Can I say with confidence when I am close to the end of my life that I will not regret my mediocrity, and I will not be ashamed of wasting my years?
The wife of a classmate said in the circle of friends that maybe he spoke too quickly and finished a lifetime of classes ahead of schedule; maybe the teachers and students of the other world were too enthusiastic and wanted to listen to his lessons.
Perhaps, it really is.
Typography | Gan Qiongfang
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