When the name Gu Ailing was known to more and more people, many parents issued such an exclamation: "How can we raise children like Gu Ailing?" Sure enough, where there is a need, there is a market, and I see many experts from psychological science popularization platforms and family education institutions sharing similar topics such as "how to cultivate children like Gu Ailing."
There is a characteristic of these sharing, everyone often starts from Gu Ailing's achievements, and then begins to analyze how her mother educated her step by step and influenced her. The advantage of this is that it will allow us to learn some useful methods, but as a counselor, I have to remind you that if you read too many articles like this, you may have some fantasies: "If I follow these methods, my children can also be like Gu Ailing?" ”
If you have such a fantasy, the relationship between you and your child will be unconsciously destroyed, whether your child should be decided by himself like Gu Ailing, what you have to think about is how you can give your child enough security as a parent, so that your child can have the courage to choose to challenge himself at a critical moment like Gu Ailing.
Note that what we need to focus on is not where Gu Ailing's achievements come from, but where Gu Ailing's courage to make choices at critical moments comes from. If you are a parent with a healthy enough mentality, whether Gu Ailing won the championship in the end, you will pay attention to where her courage comes from.
When the game progressed to the penultimate round, the opponent was still far ahead, at this time Gu Ailing had two choices, one was to choose a set of actions that she was familiar with, so that she could steadily win a silver medal, and the second was to choose a set of difficult technical moves that she had never tried in the competition, the advantage of this was that if she successfully completed the action, she could win the championship steadily, but if she made a mistake, the result could become very bad.
At the critical moment, Gu Ailing still made a phone call to her mother, and her mother's suggestion was to be conservative and pick up a silver medal. But Gu Ailing chose to take risks. Such a choice in the arena is very difficult, we see Gu Ailing's courage, but what needs us to think deeply is where her courage comes from. From a psychological point of view, it is a sufficient sense of security.
After the end of the game, Gu Ailing wrote an article to the New York Times "I admit that I am in love with fear", from this article we can see that at the moment when the final choice was made, Gu Ailing's heart was actually very nervous, even very scared, but she still firmly chose to take risks.
You see, Gu Ailing's heart is not as strong as we think, she will also feel confused when faced with a choice, and she will also feel fear when making a choice and making sure that she wants to take a risk.
Many people will mistakenly think that someone like her who dares to challenge herself should be incredibly strong in her heart, and she should be sure that she can win the game to make such a choice, but in fact, it is precisely under the stimulation of a sense of uncertainty and fear that she made such a choice. I wonder how you feel when you see this?
Usually we always educate children to be a strong, strong and optimistic person, can we really educate children who dare to take responsibility, or even dare to challenge? I don't think so, children are likely to become more and more timid under the influence of such ideas.
When a child refuses to experience the feeling of fear and fear, his mental space will become more and more narrow, and when he encounters something, if he feels afraid, he will try his best to protect himself, because he has become accustomed to imagining that he is a strong, strong and optimistic person, and these imaginations are obtained by him shielding, or even refusing to experience fear.
Gu Ailing's article is "I admit I fell in love with fear", why is it "I fell in love with fear"? Not because of how strong Gu Ailing's heart is, but because her psychological space is large enough, she can afford to be afraid, and when she is afraid, she must be able to lose, so even if she loses in the game, it will only leave a little regret for her, and this regret will not defeat her.
However, if a person refuses to experience fear, he will become addicted to fear, and addiction to fear and love fear are two completely different states, and people who are addicted to fear feel dangerous everywhere, they always have to escape from the environment in which they feel unsafe, but often feel that they cannot escape.
Here I have to mention some phenomena encountered in the work, some adolescent parents do not understand why their children are so sensitive in interpersonal relationships, afraid that others will not like themselves, always trying to please others, making themselves very tired, and finally can only choose not to go to school.
Why is that?
Because his parents taught him from an early age how to do it in order to be liked by others.
Doing this seems to be helping the child, so that he can learn to interact with people early, but in fact, it is artificially creating fear: "If you are not liked by others, everyone will attack you, so you will be very dangerous." 」 ”
We will see that those children who are bored with school because of interpersonal relationships are almost invariably struggling under such influence, and I think it is time for such parents to wake up after seeing the successful case of Gu Ailing and how to help their children remove these "explosive packages".
Someone told me that since ancient times, the king of the king and the loser of the thief, this is Gu Ailing's success, she has become a good look, everyone is envious, many people can not reach, what if she makes a mistake? Will some people feel extremely sorry, and even some people will say with schadenfreude: "What kind of bicycle do you want?" Can't get a silver medal? ”
I believe that there will be such a person, if I have such a friend in my life, I will quietly stay away from him, because since he can say this, it means that he is always happy to evaluate the choices of others, it is difficult to concentrate on his own life, I do not want to be affected by these people.
Gu Ailing's success may have been doomed the moment she fell in love with fear when she was very young, of course, her love for fear will not only help her achieve such a success, I believe that if she encounters setbacks in life in the future, she will not be easily defeated.
This also gives us parents a good inspiration, we can not blindly shield our children in the process of covering him from the wind and rain, but also moderately experience the feeling of wind and rain with him.
We don't need to raise our children to be like Gu Ailing who can fall in love with fear, as long as our children are free enough in their hearts to face setbacks, as for what kind of lifestyle he chooses, whether he likes to challenge himself, all this is up to him to decide.
I hope that as a parent, you can give your children a high-quality sense of security, after all, as you step by step towards independence, our children will face more and more uncertainty about themselves in life.
Author: Teacher Shuhui
A practical psychological counselor who concentrates on counseling
One who has not done the right thing in front of the visitor,
But you can be a psychological counselor who can be a literal pearl
One often has some weird theories,
But a non-famous counselor who will penetrate deep into your heart
All in all one
The psychological counselor who is the least like a counselor.
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