Author/Pond Fish
On the third day of the Chinese New Year, I had a college roommate who completely blocked her former good friend from junior high school.
Because of the courtesy thing.
When her junior high school friend got married 5 years ago, she sent her an invitation, and she thought that the two of them had a particularly good time in junior high school, although there was not much contact later, but she still sent eight hundred yuan.
Unexpectedly, when she got married herself, she sent a message to the other party, and the other party not only did not have a word of blessing at all, but also deleted her.
She said: "Eight hundred dollars to see a person is actually not a loss." But she just couldn't understand how someone would rather do such a humiliating thing for the sake of this eight hundred dollars."
Although it seems to be a simple thing, you must not believe that a person's attitude of following etiquette will expose his deepest character and pattern.
And her story also tells us: not all people are worthy of your courtesy. Some people with bad character, you follow the gift, it may be a process of going and going.
It is also a process of true heart meeting. To put it bluntly, the degree of importance you attach to a person is sometimes not simply expressed in words, but also in the attitude of courtesy, the most intuitive expression is: no matter what the relationship, the more intimate between two people, the amount of certain gifts will increase accordingly.
Of course, I'm talking about this in general, not all of them. Because for some people, feelings that are truly worth putting in their hearts cannot be measured by money.
The most important thing is the importance of the relationship in the heart.
The year before, I went to the wedding of a high school classmate and learned that one of her best friends did not give her a gift, but bought a lot of things, including the birth of her child, and she also bought thousands of things for her.
Because her friend believes that the relationship between them should not be defined by money, if it is too clearly defined, the taste will change.
But not casually does not affect their feelings, because she can see that this friend has a friendship with her.
People interact with each other, often rely on a sincere heart, do not treat others as fools, think that you can take advantage, some of the cheap you only take once, the complete loss will be this friendship. Although using a little routine sometimes seems to be able to take shortcuts in a relationship, the feelings that can really withstand the test of time are often the first to exclude those who are good at routines.
There is a subtle contradiction between "talking about money hurts feelings" and "seeing people's hearts for a long time". Snobbery and society are labels that cannot be avoided with etiquette, as if peeling the onion layers can be seen deeply, and the thickness of feelings cannot be measured by how much gift money. Poor, give a little less, I don't necessarily regard you as a friend; rich, spending money like dirt can you see the importance? Do what you can and bestow your blessings.
Yes, in fact, the courtesy between most people really reflects only the importance of the relationship, a kind of respect, and a way to establish friendship with each other.
Any human emotion is only in the process of moving around each other. Otherwise, even if they are brothers and sisters, they may later become like strangers.
Speaking of this, I suddenly remembered the teacher in high school who had said such a thing.
The teacher said that there was a person in their hometown who had been working outside all his life, until he was close to 50 years old, he came back to choose To settle down, and he was not ready to go out.
It coincided with his 50th birthday, so this person was ready to hold a big party, he originally prepared seven or eight banquets, and specially bought a pig and invited some people to help cook.
As a result, on the day of his birthday, a particularly embarrassing thing happened. Most of the people he invited, basically did not come, and finally added people who helped, plus a whole table to eat.
The reason why no one came was because he had been working outside for so many years and had never come back, so naturally he didn't move around whenever there was something going on at home, and no one owed his family affection. Coupled with the fact that the old man in the family has died, many human relations have long been indifferent, although after he returned, everyone was more polite on the surface, and they still remembered this person, but he did the birthday thing, everyone was reluctant to go.
Mainly worried that after this money is sent out, it will be adrift. After so many years of no intersection, no one can guarantee his true character now, in case he just wants to earn other people's gifts through this way, then the people who follow the gifts can only think that they are unlucky.
The Chinese nation is a country of etiquette, and what we have advocated since ancient times is the exchange of etiquette. Any intimate relationship is inseparable from each other's mutual maintenance, which is not only a false courtesy, but also in line with the most basic values of human nature.
In fact, most people follow the gift, not only a blessing mentality, but also a way to consolidate human feelings, you come to my house, I will go to your home, just here to come and go, a lot of relationships will be established.
Naturally, the number of gifts also has a certain amount of attention, and many things must be measured before the specific number of gifts can be determined.
During the New Year, my family also accompanied a lot of gifts. Especially on those days when it is almost the New Year, I basically receive some invitations every day, such as getting married, doing birthdays, doing funerals, children doing full moon wine, housewarming and so on. Sometimes in the face of some people doing things, my parents will hesitate to go to this family, they first look at our family to do things, whether the other party has come, and may even go to the gift book, to determine how many gifts others have followed, and now it is good to decide the number of gifts.
To put it bluntly, most people still have an egoistic mentality, on the one hand, they are afraid that their etiquette is not thoughtful enough, and on the other hand, they are also worried about their losses.
So relatively speaking, sometimes there will be more measurement.
But these emotions are also the common feelings of people, and they are good after getting used to it. The matter of courtesy will continue to play an important role in the interpersonal communication of many people.
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