Text/Peach Demon, Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
Picture \Stills of "Little Min's House"
Since ancient times, "marrying a golden turtle wife" has become the highest expectation of many parents for their daughter's marriage. If anyone's daughter marries into a rich and powerful family, for the mother's family, it can be described as unlimited scenery. As everyone knows, the seemingly beautiful "high marriage" is actually a very difficult marriage road.
In The book "How to Make Your Loved One Fall in Love With You," the "love field equivalence theory" is proposed, that is, in the free market, everything and everyone has quantifiable value, and everyone wants to try to achieve the best in love and life, which is somewhat similar to the old bargaining principle in the horse trade.
The "high marriage" that many people yearn for is actually a transaction that is not equal to the price of the love field, and the transaction is not equal to the price, and the marriage is difficult to conserved. Let's take the TV series "Xiao Min's Family" as an example to see how difficult it is to marry high.
01. Liu Xiaomin's first half of life is bitter
In the TV series "Xiao Min Family", Liu Xiaomin finally married her beloved man Chen Zhuo and reaped happiness, but in the first half of her life, she lived a hard and messy life because of a bad high marriage.
Many people feel that Liu Xiaomin's ex-husband Jin Bo is not worthy of her at all. However, if you look back at their original marriage, Liu Xiaomin's marriage to Jin Bo is actually a high marriage. At that time, Jin Bo's father was the director of the state-owned factory, Jin Bo was the chief of the security section of the factory, and the Jin family was one of the best in the local area. Liu Xiaomin comes from a single-parent family, her mother Wang Suhua is a subordinate of Jin Bo's father, compared to the Jin family, Liu Xiaomin's family belongs to an ordinary family.
In this marriage of talent and beauty, Liu Xiaomin is actually "harvesting the east corner and losing the mulberry yu", she did get the envy and good life of everyone, but, as we all know, she and Jin Bo are not the same person. Liu Xiaomin is gentle and elegant, likes poetry and songs, loves to learn, and has a self-motivated heart, while Jin Bo, who is high-profile, has no ability and no culture, and relies on Lao Tzu to pave the way and support him. On the surface, Liu Xiaomin married a Ruyi Langjun, but this Langjun did not understand her at all, nor did he understand her, which meant that the two people's three views were not compatible, and the soul could not get close at all, which laid the groundwork for her and Teacher Su's "feelings" in the future.
What's more, Jin Bo's brilliance was given by the father who was the director of the factory. When the Family Of Jin family changes, the shortcomings of "Ruyi Langjun" Jin Bo were all exposed, and in the face of difficulties, his only way to cope was to complain about the sky and break the jar. In addition to drinking alcohol every day, it is a tantrum, and Liu Xiaomin, as a wife, can only bear it silently, because Jin Bo's responsibility has long been built, and she cannot change.
Marrying high seems to be a shortcut to a better life without having to work hard. However, when we blindly focus on "economic indicators" in the matter of marriage, we will unconsciously ignore our own advantages and ignore each other's abilities and qualities, so as to "seek perfection" in other elements such as emotions, interests, and abilities. And these elements that we "bend to seek perfection" are precisely the necessary items for a happy and long-term marriage.
Many times, we are bent on "marrying high", which may become a roadblock to a happy marriage, but in fact, choosing a person who is suitable for one's three views and equal ability is more important than choosing a family that is richer than oneself.
02. Liu Xiaojie's nightmare of the giants
In addition to Liu Xiaomin, Liu Xiaojie's marriage is not worrying.
In the TV series, Xu is a properly rich second generation, not only has a thick family foundation, but is also a returnee with academic qualifications, good looks, and ability. And Liu Xiaojie, although his ability is not bad, his work is not bad, but compared with Xu Zheng, he is much inferior, not to mention the experience of short marriage.
When Xu Zheng proposed to marry Xiao Jie, many viewers speculated that Xu Zheng's parents would definitely oppose this family affair, but surprisingly, Xu Zheng's parents not only did not have any pickiness about Liu Xiaojie, but were quite supportive. Not only did he take the initiative to buy a house, but he also had great respect for Xiao Jie's family, and there was no shelf for rich people at all.
When we all think that Liu Xiaojie must have fallen into the Fuwo, we slowly found that her nightmare had just begun. Xu Zheng, the "Golden Turtle Son-in-law", is actually a control demon, completely does not allow Xiao Jie to contact any boys, in order to avoid Xiao Jie and boys contact, not only to carry out various brainwashing persuasion on her, and even to personally control Xiao Jie, forcing Xiao Jie to take various medicines.
And Xu Zheng's parents, the reason why they showed acceptance and liking for Xiao Jie, is because they know that no girl can stand this kind of personality of their son, and it is difficult to meet a "silly" girl who is willing to marry Xu Zheng, and they are naturally urging marriage and prompting.
Some people say that Liu Xiaojie fell into Xu Zheng's trap because he was stupid and grinned, but in fact, this was not the case. Xu is pursuing Xiao Jie at the beginning, Xiao Jie is sober, she knows that she and Xu are people in two worlds, and rejected Xu Zheng's pursuit, but with Xu Zheng's "crazy attack", Xiao Jie is gradually overwhelmed by Xu Zheng's arrogance and the envy of colleagues around him, thus ignoring the most important things born as a person - character and character, and these two things are exactly what Xu Zheng does not have.
It is undeniable that high marriage not only allows a woman to easily live a better life, but also allows her to enjoy the superiority of being envied by those around her. However, if we blindly immerse ourselves in the "false prosperity" brought by money, we will unconsciously bring an "aura" to the other party, and under this "aura", the other party becomes perfect. However, when life returns to chai rice oil and salt, those weaknesses hidden by the aura will be exposed one by one, and the unsatisfactory marriage will follow.
In fact, there is no pie in the sky, so on the road of love and marriage, in addition to accurately seeing our own advantages, we must objectively and realistically see the shortcomings of the other half. If the other party's shortcomings involve personality and character, then, no matter how strong his economic strength is, he can never marry, because his lowest point is really a personality bug, and spending a lifetime with such a person will be a disaster.
03. Mei Niang said
So, how can you find the other half of the "door-to-door pair"?
In the book "How to Make Your Loved One Fall in Love with You", it is said:
Proponents of the equivalence theory list six of the major requirements that people value when "buying" a husband or wife on a "free market": 1, appearance 2, material or property 3, status or prestige 4, knowledge or learning 5, social demeanor or character 6, and character. The researchers tell us that in the happiest intimate relationships, the above factors of the two people are more or less equal. ”
That is to say, in a happy married life, both husband and wife are relatively equal in each of the above 6 factors, and even if there is a deviation in one of them, the deviation value will be controlled within a small range. And our usual common "high marriage", husband and wife will often have a large disparity in terms of property, appearance, knowledge, status and so on. These are all contrary to the principle of equivalence, and such marriages often mean great risks.
Therefore, don't expect to be able to catch a golden turtle son-in-law, and from then on, you will be happy and comfortable. "High marriage" is destined to be a bumpy road to marriage. When we choose the other half, we must first judge the six elements of our marriage and love, neither arrogant nor arrogant, and give ourselves an accurate positioning. At the same time, it is also necessary to accurately measure the six elements of each other's marriage and love, and finally choose a partner who truly "matches" himself while believing in love.
Someone once said: The best married life is not to marry high and marry high, but to start from scratch and share happiness and hardship. Yes, so I hope that every girl can understand a truth: high marriage is destined to be a difficult road, and the giants are more calculating than you.
It is better to choose the right person, if the two people are like-minded and work together to go to the steaming future, then the happiness obtained by working together is the most delicious.
The author of the book "How to Make Your Loved One Fall in Love with You" is Leil Lowndes, she is an internationally renowned interpersonal communication expert and an expert on gender emotional issues, and has long been engaged in research and counseling of intimate relationships, so the views of this book are not experience, chicken soup and dog food, but from scientific observation and experimentation, which is a solid dry goods!
【Guanshan】How to make your loved one fall in love with you Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences Press ¥45 purchase
In this book, not only does it have the "love field equivalence theory", but also teaches you how to confess, how not to be routined by love hunters, how to better love your lover and so on.
This is a book that really has a practical effect on controlling love and marriage, and it is worth having for you who want to manage love and marriage well.
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