01.
loss of death,
It is a flood beast that we cannot resist
On the evening of May 17, a 68-year-old man in Anshan, Liaoning Province, jumped from the 7th floor.
In the early morning of the same day, the old man's wife who had supported him all his life died of cancer deterioration.
The old man who has been calm since the death of his wife, in the evening,
Jump down from the 7th floor.
The calm and unrepentant appearance of the old man reminds many people of their relatives.
Some fans commented in the comment area:
Her friend's father died in a car accident, and her mother supported the old and the small with unimaginable tenacity.
A few years ago, friends got married, grandma died, and her mother left a suicide note to open the gas and commit suicide.
The letter said that she had long wanted to go with her father, just because her husband's mother and young daughter were still there, and she needed to be raised and supported, one held on to a breath, and now that the mother-in-law has died and the daughter has become a family, she has no worries and can leave with confidence.
It's hard to imagine what kind of perseverance made her choose to end her life when she should have been able to enjoy her old age in peace.
02.
Full of sorrow,
in order to resist the invasion of loss
Losing something (person or thing) that you once had, or having the possibility of having something and losing it, can be called " loss " in psychology.
Natural disasters, property damage, death of relatives and friends, loss of love, divorce, school transfer, relocation and so on, these are all losses.
Everyone constantly faces "loss" from an early age, and death is one of them.
Because of its irreversibility and unpredictability, it often brings the greatest trauma and frustration.
After facing loss, sadness, low mood, negative and extreme thoughts, and even out-of-control behavior are normal reactions to loss, which can help people rebuild their psychological balance and restore self-function.
However, not everyone is able to produce these "normal reactions".
Especially when "loss" occurs in abrupt or extreme situations, as in the situation encountered by the elderly mentioned at the beginning,
The more sudden and extreme it is, the more likely it is to cause the inability to experience a "normal reaction", which directly leads to extreme consequences.
A fan left a message saying that when his mother was paralyzed in bed due to cerebral infarction and was confused for half a year, his father was diagnosed with advanced esophageal cancer and died four months later.
On the day of my father's death, my unconscious mother was suddenly very awake and crying very sadly.
However, after the father's affairs were done, the mother became confused as usual, but she ate less and less, and finally did not want to eat anything, until she died half a year later.
Freud, the master psychologist of the psychoanalytic school, mentioned in "Grief and Depression": "When we face a major loss, we inevitably mourn, and the greater the loss we face, the more we need full grief." ”
In the face of the "loss of death" that may come at any time, learning to better deal with the emotions of the time is a skill we must learn.
03.
Don't be afraid to talk about death,
Try to avoid leaving regrets
Ms. Hideko Tsubata, 87, and Shuichi Tsubata, 90, are the protagonists of the Japanese documentary "Fruits of Life."
They built their own house in a village according to the concept of the architect they liked.
The house has its own yard with fruit trees, vegetable gardens and woods.
Ms. Hideko Tsubata and Mr. Shuichi Tsubata have lived here for 40 years.
Every day, the two old men are busy taking care of their own lives, harvesting in autumn and hiding in winter, sowing in spring and planting summer.
However, in this life, people will eventually come to an end, especially for the two elderly people who are already quite old.
Eiko often asks, "Have you ever wondered what the two of us would become in the end, whoever went first?" ”
Shuichi always smiled and replied, "It's useless to think about this kind of thing, the fallen leaves always have to return to the roots." ”
Finally, Shuichi took a nap after weeding and left this world first.
Eiko squatted down beside him, caressed Shuichi's forehead, sorted out his clothes, and said firmly:
"Old man, I will try to survive after that, rest assured." You wait for me, and when I am at the end of my life and become ashes, we travel around the South Pacific together.
When I get to that point, I'll say okay. It's lonely to be alone, but wait for me, and I'm looking forward to seeing you again. ”
Because I have imagined death too many times in advance and said goodbye many times, I am still sad and sad even when the loss appears, but there is a lot less regret.
In a variety show, Cai Shaofen said that since becoming a mother, her courage has become very small, especially afraid of taking a plane, and will send a message to Zhang Jin before each flight.
Tell him that he is on the plane, and if something happens, he must protect his two daughters well, and he can get married again, but find someone who is good for his daughter.
We have no way of predicting which one will come first, but at the very least, in the case of possible foreknowledge, say goodbye and reduce the regrets that may occur.
Like Hideko and Shuichi, they don't shy away from talking about death, and even if death comes, they can live a good life.
Like Cai Shaofen, even if she is most afraid of death, she does not shy away from saying goodbye before each parting.
From birth to death is a process of continuous gain and loss,
No one can completely mind the "loss" thing,
So, when someone around you has experienced loss, whether it is the death of a loved one, or a lost love divorce, please do not say to him: "You have to be strong" and "mourn and change", and do not rush to give him various suggestions, but allow and accept his sadness.
Through a certain ritual or process, when they fully release their grief and say a complete goodbye to the loss, they can truly release themselves from a period of loss.
Before loss comes, do not be afraid to mention loss,
After the loss comes, fully experience the grief.