Facing the death of a loved one is an unavoidable subject in our lives

Facing the death of a loved one is an inescapable subject in our lives, but does this society allow us to grieve to the fullest? Staying in a sad place is too unbearable, so we give him some time to recover, if it exceeds this "should be almost enough!" "Time, we will want to pull him out of the cave of sadness, tell him how beautiful life is, should not continue to indulge in the pain of the past?

Many people are afraid of grief, afraid of accompanying the sad person, and afraid of facing their own sadness, so the sadness stays firmly in place, neither touching nor fading. Thanks to the classic interpretation in the Book of Common Women's Cultivation, many people have a more direct understanding of the five stages of grief, but is it true that everyone can get out of sadness at once? In my experience of facing the death of a loved one, I would like to use the task of mourning to share my process of facing grief.

The task of mourning is William. Dr. Walton came up with the concept that he believes that grieving people need to fulfill four tasks to complete mourning:

First, accept the lost facts

Although intellectually, we can all know that the deceased person is no longer in the human world, but to be fully accepted emotionally, it will really make people feel the pain of the spine and the heart. I went home to sleep a few days after my grandmother's death, and in the middle of the night I saw her figure still lying on the next bed, as if in this way, believing that she was still in a certain space in this world, or wanted to have a conversation with her by throwing a cup. This shows how difficult it is to fully accept the fact that a person has left.

Second, experience the pain of grief

How much do we feel in the face of a person's disappearance? How many feelings can be aptly expressed in words? From the time my grandmother was sick to her death, our family members were often relatively speechless, knowing that we did feel pain, worry, fear, sadness, regret, and even relief in our hearts, but we felt that there was no word that could really describe the pain in our hearts.

Maybe that's why I avoided meeting my friends during that time, knowing that my friends would definitely care, but I didn't know how to say how I was, and I was afraid that I would touch my feelings because of it. At this time, I need a good space to grieve, not to evaluate any of my feelings, to include the time I spend in these feelings.

Third, readjust a new environment in which the deceased does not exist

Every life experience we have with the deceased is suddenly restructured: the Mother's Day dinner that used to be centered on grandma is going to take a different form this year; when I go home to see grandma, I always buy a snack she likes, and now I don't have to choose the style that she especially loves.

Because there are countless moments in life that are intertwined with the deceased, even if it is just a word, a look, can make people suddenly miss, from the external environment to the inner psychology, we are rearranging the relative position between the deceased and the living.

Fourth, reinvest the emotions of the deceased in the future life

Continuing to live with the love of the deceased is probably the best way to make the deceased reborn! I still think back to when I came home with the baby just after giving birth, my grandmother said to the baby, "You are your mother's baby, but your mother is my baby, don't bully her!" "That kind of warmth still makes people's eyes blush."

The reason why the deceased makes us so unforgettable is precisely because the other party is such a cherished person in our lives, with a unique intimate feeling between you, so that this emotion can find meaning in the psychology and continue to move forward, we can continue to love and live seriously.

Have you noticed? None of these four tasks requires us to divert our attention, forget the pain and recover as soon as possible, and maintain optimistic positive thinking; on the contrary, he reminds us to face up to sadness, seriously experience and feel, and use our own pace to slowly find a new way of life.

Just like a wound, if it is not cleaned up well, even if the surface is scabbed, the inside is suppurative sores. So face your sadness tenderly! There is no ultimatum, only warm companionship.