Xuchen Cao (Student, Huazhong University of Science and Technology)
During the New Year's Festival, many young people are most afraid of their relatives and ask them three times: How old is this year? Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? When are you going to get married? This year's New Year's Eve such a sound also appeared from time to time, which made my unmarried sister quite a headache, and whenever asked, my cousin could only smile awkwardly and turn around to help in the kitchen. In addition to the cousin, the cousin who cannot return to his hometown due to the epidemic has also been the object of worry of adults, the cousin has just turned 30 years old, judging by the popular concept, it is a standard "leftover man".
Of course, "leftover men" and "leftover women" are not isolated cases, but a phenomenon, accompanied by strong value judgments. When these two words appear, it is more of a ridicule and ridicule of older young people "can't marry out" and "can't marry a daughter-in-law". Under the refraction of reality and the intensification of the media, the concept of rural leftover men and urban leftover women is more reinforced, and is always tied to some labels.
Scholar Luffy mentioned a point of view in the "Research on the Differences in the Construction of the Media Image of "Leftover Men" and "Leftover Women", and the media's attention to "leftover men" and "leftover women" has shown a clear extreme trend. Urban "leftover women" with high education, high income and high age, as well as rural "leftover men" with "low income", "low education" and "low quality" have become the focus of media construction. We always see the world that the media wants us to see, ignoring the diversity of rural "leftover men" and ignoring the different identities brought to them by their education, occupation, and experience. The same is true for urban leftover women, in a society accustomed to judging women from a male perspective, the marriage of "leftover women" has become a factor in determining their lives, and external conditions have become the standard by which they are measured.
Older young women in many cities can live independently through their own abilities, and many are unwilling to "settle" because of excessive requirements, but the problem of leftover men in rural areas is that they are not competitive in marriage. Coupled with the long-term existence of the concept of "son preference", the serious imbalance between men and women in our country has always existed, which has exacerbated this phenomenon. Although this phenomenon has improved through a series of adjustments in the country and changes in people's perceptions, the recovery of the population ratio is a long-term process, just like the restoration of the ecological environment, which needs to be balanced and improved in the dynamic.
I have always felt that leftover women are a pseudo-problem, and rural leftover men may be the real problem. Now there is a trend in public opinion, that is, it is extremely unfriendly to singles, taking singleness as a problem, and talking about the problem of leftover men and women in the value judgments of "collective marriage promotion", "farewell to singleness" and "singleness is wrong". Some people criticize the three fierce enemies of contemporary marriage: married people are uneasy, unmarried people are not willing, and bystanders are too enthusiastic. Indeed, from the literary works, variety shows, the seven aunts and eight aunts, many people are too enthusiastic about single people, idle, full of food. In fact, many of the society's imagination of singles is wrong, many single people live very well, enjoy a person's freedom, and there is no shortage of suitors. If you don't meet the right person, you will make up your mind to marry yourself off under the kidnapping of others and then fight in marriage and give your children a broken family, which is an irresponsible tragedy. What's wrong with being single? Not only should it become a person's absolute privacy, just as it is not possible to ask others about their income and age now, nor can they casually ask others about their marital and love status and put pressure on others. The media also uses less discriminatory and stressful words to create a media environment that respects individual freedom and is friendly.
Being single as a free choice is not a social problem, but to be concerned with the social factors that hinder free choice, that is, the real problem of "leftovers". Especially in rural leftover men, media reports, rural bare sticks are too many, in addition to the "rigid leftovers" can not find a partner, many people are stuck in the marriage link. Dowries, houses, cars, it is indeed not a small amount, if not relying on parents, few young men of marriageable age can bear these expenses themselves. Coupled with the fact that there are more men than women, the competition is becoming more and more fierce, resulting in the bride price becoming a part of the competition, giving many families and young people great pressure, and making marriage more and more materialistic. Some media believe that men's competition in marriage is not necessarily a squeeze of age, but may be a squeeze of men with money and resources on relatively vulnerable men, in the current situation that the difference between urban and rural areas in China still exists, it can be understood as the squeeze of urban men on rural men, and can also be understood as the "inner volume" of rural men.
Paying attention to these deep real problems is much more important than the "bad idea" of randomly matching men and women as "resources" to solve problems. Before that, some media published an article "New Year's Return to The Hometown Survey: Some Rural Wives Want 1 Million to Marry a Daughter-in-law", interviewed an expert, this expert prescribed a tricky prescription: there are many "leftover women" in cities, more "leftover men" in rural areas, to promote the two-way flow of urban and rural population, rural "leftover men" can be trained in skills and "exported" to industries and regions where women are concentrated. Is such a serious nonsense, opening his mouth and closing his mouth to "output and input", is it treating people as people? It's another kind of unfriendly, derogatory to people who are single.
Thinking of my cousin and cousin, experts and public opinion will let these young people go, and don't be so warm-up to their singleness. Gender ratios, urban-rural disparities, and the inward volume of the bride price are the real problems. The clear separation of the public and private domains, solving the structural problems that hinder free union, and leaving love marriages as private issues to the private, is the sincerity, friendliness and kindness that an open society should have for young people.
Source: China Youth Network