Where does happiness come from? Money, fame or fulfillment?
Seventy-six years ago, Harvard conducted the longest adult development study in history, tracking 268 men, from adolescence to old age, to explore the keys to life's happiness.
None of us can choose our own birth, but we can choose the life we want to live.
We will face many choices in our lives, but the most important choice is your other half, what kind of person you choose to marry, is to choose what kind of life, that is, to choose what kind of life you want to live in what class.
What really affects your happiness in life and determines what class you live in is the other half of your life.
Why? Let's take a look at the Harvard study first:
The story begins in 1938.
That year, Professor Arlie Bock, then chair of Harvard's department of health, felt that the entire research community was concerned about "why people get sick/fail/sloppy" and why no one studied "how can people be healthy/successful/happy"?
Bork has come up with an ambitious research plan to track a group of people from adolescence to the end of their lives, pay attention to their high and low transitions, record their state of affairs, keep track of them, record them instantly, and ultimately turn their lives into an answer — what kind of people are most likely to be winners in life.
This is known as "The GrantStudy."
The study got its name from the original patron, philanthropist William T. Grant. Today, the study has been going on for a full 77 years and cost more than $20 million.
The criteria for winning in life are very demanding.
George Vaillant, a psychologist who led the study for 32 years, said the winner must be "decathlete":
Two of the ten criteria are related to income, four are related to physical and mental health, and four are related to intimate relationships and social support.
For example,
Must be still in good health and mental clarity after the age of 80 (naturally not a winner if you do not live to the age of 80);
60-75 years old with children close relationship;
Between the ages of 65 and 75, in addition to wives and children, there are still other social support (relatives and friends), etc.;
Have a good marital relationship between the ages of 60 and 85;
Income levels are in the top 25%.
People who have reached these decathlons are basically in the upper echelons of society, successful people in high society, and winners in life.
From 1939 to 1944, the study selected 268 undergraduates who were currently studying at Harvard.
These people are already at the top of America's young people, who have a bright future and a high chance of success and longevity.
This is exactly what Grant needs for research - the subject must live long enough, otherwise it is not "the end of laughter", it must be successful enough, otherwise how can it be considered "the best laugh"?
The inductees were all around 19 years old, all well-off white American men, physically and mentally healthy, and well-mannered—in fact, each of the inductees went through a rigorous physical "beauty pageant," and researchers tended to pick ape-wielders, because the initial speculation was that "masculine people" were more likely to have a happy life.
Every 2 years, this group of people will receive a questionnaire, they need to answer whether they are healthy, mentally normal, how the quality of marriage, career success and failure, and whether they are happy after retirement.
The researchers graded them based on the questionnaires they returned, with E being the worst situation and A being the best. However, self-assessment alone is not enough.
Every 5 years, a professional physician evaluates their physical and mental health indicators.
Every 5-10 years, researchers will personally visit this group of people, through interviews and interviews, to gain a deeper understanding of their current intimate relationships, career income, life satisfaction, and whether they are well adapted at each stage of life.
This group of people can be described as "the most thoroughly studied group of mice in history".
They experienced World War II, economic depression, economic recovery, financial tsunami, they got married, divorced, promoted, elected, failed, made a comeback, collapsed, some successfully retired to live in their old age, some self-destructed their health and died early.
In the end, many successful people did emerge among these 268 people, so far there are 4 US senators, 1 governor, and even 1 US president , John F. Kennedy, but Kennedy's research files have long been taken away by the government alone, and it is expected that it will not be declassified until 2040.
What are the conclusions of the remaining 267 life files?
The following factors are less of a influence on "life success":
The "manhood" of the earliest speculations was useless;
After iq exceeding 110, it no longer affects the income level;
The economic and social status of the family also has little impact;
It doesn't matter if you are extroverted and introverted;
Nor does it have to be particularly socially competent;
A history of alcoholism and depression in the family is also not a problem.
What can really influence the "decathlon" and help you move towards a prosperous life are the following factors:
Do not drink or smoke on their own;
Exercise adequately and maintain a healthy weight;
And, being loved in childhood, having high empathy skills, and being able to establish intimate relationships in youth,
More importantly, they choose the other half of their lives.
Here's how the following data might surprise you:
People who are close to their mothers earn an average of $87,000 a year.
People who love siblings earn an average of $51,000 a year.
The 58 people who scored the highest on "intimacy" earned an average of $243,000 a year.
The 31 people with the lowest scores did not earn an average annual salary of more than $102,000.
As long as you can find "true love",—whether it's true love, friendship, or affection—you can greatly increase your chances of "thriving in life."
At first glance, it feels like Harvard has boiled a bowl of thick chicken soup for 77 years – the key to success in life is "love"?
This answer seems so ordinary that it is unbelievable.
But Walient said that love, warmth and intimacy will directly affect a person's "coping mechanism", especially the love of the other half, and the intimate relationship of mutual encouragement and mutual encouragement.
He believes that everyone will constantly encounter accidents and setbacks, and what is different is the response that everyone adopts.
The suspicion and fear of the "almost crazy class" is the worst;
Slightly better are the "immature class", such as negative, irritable;
Then there are the "neurotic categories" such as repression, emotional withdrawal;
Finally, there are "mature health classes" such as selflessness, humor and sublimation.
A person who lives in love, a person who can maintain an intimate relationship with others, especially a person who lives with a deep love for the other half, may choose to make a joke about himself in the face of setbacks, exercise with friends to sweat and vent, accept the comfort and encouragement of his family... These "coping methods" can help a person quickly enter a virtuous circle of health and excitement.
On the contrary, a person who "lacks love" often does not get help when he encounters setbacks and needs to heal his wounds alone, and common "self-healing methods" such as alcohol and smoking are the main causes of early death.
Valient said: "A warm and intimate relationship is the most important opening of a good life. ”
Of course, not everyone is lucky enough to have a good birth, but the good news is that as long as you choose a good other half, you have a chance to be "born again in love."
We all know that love is the source of happiness, warmth and strength in the world, and love is the only priceless treasure that can create miracles.
When we come into this world, we will not only feel the affectionate love between parents and brothers and sisters, but also experience the love between friends and colleagues, but these loves are not as good as the other half's love for ourselves.
The other half of true love is your warm harbor when your life is full of setbacks, difficulties and ups and downs, another wing when your spring breeze is proud of your career, and a guiding light when you are wandering helplessly.
In the decades and hundreds of years of your life, the other half's knowledge, pattern, mind, temperament, kindness, and wisdom all determine the quality of her (his) love for you, and determine the class and height of your life.
Maybe you're married now, and you might as well take a hard look at whether the impact of your other half on your life is enormous.
If you can still talk and laugh after marriage, full of confidence and vitality, the family is full of warmth and happiness, the career is booming, you are getting better and better, the spirit and material are getting richer, and the mentality and appearance are getting younger and younger.
You always have a big smile on your face and live the life you like and want, which means that you are choosing the right half, and the other half you choose greatly increases your chips to become a winner in life. Otherwise, vice versa.
Maybe you're not married yet, no matter what age you are now, remember the saying that there are only feelings to marry, no age to marry.
You have to have confidence in yourself and believe that you deserve a better half.
All you have to do is keep your eyes open and choose your other half, because your life has just begun, and you can't delay your life because of your wrong choices.
Putting aside all worldly visions,
To choose a person who truly loves himself and loves himself,
Choose a person who grows together with you,
Choose someone who can face difficulties with you and give you courage and confidence,
Choose someone who allows you to enjoy intimate relationships and generate unlimited power,
Choose someone who understands what you can talk to and spend a long life together.
You will find that your life will be filled with happiness and joy because you choose the other half of your long-term intimate relationship, and your life class is the happy rich class that is envied by others.
Life is such a one-way street that can only move forward and cannot retreat, if you can't be lucky enough to be born in the rich class, then you must choose another half that changes your original destiny, so that you are full of sunshine and confidence;
Make you more compassionate, wiser, more loving and tolerant;
Let you walk more and more smoothly on the road to success of the winner in life, work hard with the power of love, jointly create the brilliant miracle of your life, and become a winner of life and a member of the successful class.
As Buffett, the stock god, said, the most important investment in his life is not what kind of stock to buy, but who to choose to marry.
He said: "In the matter of choosing a partner, if you are wrong, it will cost you a lot. And the losses aren't just monetary. ”
Yes, your other half is your class!
Finally, here's a message from Mark Twain:
"Life is so short, we don't have time to argue with each other, to apologize, to vent, to blame, there is only enough time to love, but it is only a moment, which is regrettable!" 」