It is said that communication is an important part of a relationship.
However, improper communication is a sharp weapon to cut off the feelings of two people.
As the famous psychologist Marshall Luxemburg put it:
"Maybe we don't think that our way of talking is violent, but language does often cause pain to ourselves and others."
Never feel that speaking is an insignificant thing.
Because you don't know what kind of harm a random blurt out will bring to others.
The writer has said:
"It only takes 1 second to say something hurtful, but it can take a day, a month, a year to make up for it, and you never have a chance to apologize again."
In love (marriage), these few words must not be said!
Whatever you want
A scientific study has shown that the more often the word "casual" appears in a relationship, the lower the happiness index of the relationship.
And a healthy and long-lasting love is often rarely said casually.
In fact, between partners, the most hurtful is often not a quarrel of words and words, but a very perfunctory "let you go".
These seemingly innocuous few words are enough to make all expectations disappear, all enthusiasm disintegrate, and make people fall into a situation of discouragement.
The writer Jiujiu once said: "Casual means that it doesn't matter, it doesn't care." ”
When you are uncertain, consult his opinion, he said: "Whatever you want, I can do it." ”
When you are suspicious, ask him for an explanation, he said, "Feel free to love as you please." ”
Such a marriage is like a pool of stagnant water, even if you throw a few stones into it, you can't make a ripple.
You ask questions with great interest, and you will be disappointed because of his "casual";
You are full of joyful anticipation, because his words "casually" are eclipsed.
Love can be simple, but not casual.
Quit the "whatever you want" that you don't care about, and communicate with more patience in order to stay with each other until the white head.
If you think so, I can't help it
Some netizens once launched a poll on Weibo, voting for a sentence #Hate the words of the other half.
And the sentence that ranked in the top three is that - "If you think so, I can't do it." ”
This sentence seems to be light and cloudy, but it reveals a lot of prevarication and boredom.
The subtext is, "I obviously didn't do anything, you have to think about it yourself, and I can't do anything about it." ”
Sometimes, without explanation, it hurts the most.
Many estrangements arise because of non-communication; many misunderstandings arise from non-explanation.
And good feelings are nothing more than one will ask, one will answer; one will speak, one will listen.
You will answer me one by one about my concerns; I will tell you about those of my experiences as they are.
The so-called honesty is to take out each other's inner words and communicate.
If there is a misunderstanding, it will be clear, and if there is a gap, it will be explained clearly.
The words are clear, the knots in the heart are untied, and the long-accumulated melancholy will disappear with it.
The space of the heart is so large, and the misunderstandings and dissatisfaction in the heart can be cleared in time, so that there are more places left for love.
Forget it, I can't count on you
There is a topic on Zhihu: "What is it like to have a partner who often belittles you?" ”
One of the high-praise replied:
"There will be no self-confidence, afraid that if a word is not said correctly, he will turn his face and be unhappy." In order to make him satisfied, he can only keep cooperating and pleasing, in exchange for dissatisfaction and contempt... Feel like you're doing anything wrong, feel like you're useless. ”
Sometimes, the other party is full of enthusiasm to help, and your sentence "Forget it, I can't count on you" is enough to turn him away;
Sometimes, the other party is full of concern and asks for warmth, and your "Forget it, I can't count on you" is enough to make him discouraged.
This cold response not only ignores the partner's efforts, but also betrays the partner's kindness.
In fact, it is one thing whether the ability is feasible or not, and whether it is willing or not is another matter.
Maybe the partner has limited ability, but he is really trying to help you.
Blind blows and demeaning will only push the lover's heart farther and farther.
Only by holding each other can we make each other's hearts get closer and closer.
As the writer's table says:
"In fact, no one loses or wins in marriage, only win-win and lose-lose, hurting and slandering each other will not elevate themselves, on the contrary, it will only reduce the quality of marriage and destroy their emotions." ”
Leaves don't turn yellow every day, and people's hearts don't get cooler by a day.
Don't let your lover get frustrated in the center of the blow again and again, and don't let your feelings be exhausted in one bad review after another.
You're not wrong, you're not wrong, how can you be wrong?
A good marriage is not that there has never been an argument, but that it can be reconciled after the quarrel;
It's not that there's never been a disagreement, but that you can shake hands and make peace after disagreement.
In marriage, the most important thing is to give each other a step down.
Sometimes, people who are willing to be soft first, not because of humility, but because they pay enough attention to the marriage;
People who are willing to admit their mistakes first are not because of cowardice, but because they cherish this relationship enough.
When the other party sincerely apologizes, you respond sarcastically: "You are not wrong, you are not wrong, how can you be wrong?" ”
On the contrary, he seemed unreasonable and aggressive.
Even if the partner is at fault first, we should stop at it and forgive the other.
As the writer Book Girl said:
"In marriage, if you are afraid, you are afraid, one party sincerely apologizes, but the other party is dead and alive, and he is stunned to take the other party's steps and trample on it wantonly."
What is needed in marriage is forgiveness more than meanness; forgiveness is needed more in marriage than in calculation.
Pressing forward step by step will only push the marriage into a desperate situation. You give way, I give way, and the days go down.
Leave me alone, do you care?
Husband and wife are each other's strongest backing and most loyal comrades-in-arms.
Bear the difficulties together, and enjoy the blessings together.
Two people face the ups and downs together and meet various tests together.
Once a person says "don't worry about you", it is equivalent to letting two people draw a clear line, so that the original intimate relationship begins to be divided, and the original strong feelings begin to be separated.
Your caring inquiry will be because of his "Leave me alone, do you care?" "And appear to be self-made;
Your greeting of knowing cold and knowing heat will be because of his sentence "Leave me alone, will you manage it?" "It's redundant.
Two people living under the same roof are like two unrelated individuals, you walk your Yangguan Road, I cross my canoe bridge.
You take care of your own affairs, and I don't need you to take care of my affairs.
Maybe it's just a blurted out angry words, but it's enough to make two people feel distance and estranged.
In marriage, cold words are enough to drive away the enthusiasm of the partner; anti-lip ridicule is enough to make the kindness of the lover disappear.
Although angry and anxious, it is easy to say nothing.
But the words spoken, like spilled water, are difficult to take back. Like "Leave me alone, use you to manage?" Such words must not be said in love.
You look at people, you look at you
Someone once said: "One of the biggest taboos in marriage is to compare it with other people's marriages and compare your other half with others." ”
As soon as the partner is negligent, you disdainfully say: "You look at the husband (wife), look at you again"; when the partner fails slightly, you say with contempt: "You look at the husband (wife), and then look at you".
Such a sarcastic sentence undoubtedly gives the partner a great sense of frustration, and also casts a layer of negative energy on his marriage.
It is said that "the ruler is long, the inch is short", and everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses.
If you always compare your partner's shortcomings with the strengths of others, you will only feel that your partner is useless and has no shining points.
Don't always feel that other people's marriages are happier and other people's partners are better.
Everyone has their own way of life, and every relationship has its own good or bad.
Since you have decided to join hands in the palace of marriage, you just need to love with your heart.
Those meaningless comparisons only add to the burden of an otherwise happy life.
Everyone wants to be good in the eyes of their significant other. In marriage, appreciation and affirmation are far more inspiring than a steady stream of contrasts.
Marriage is a practice.
Two people who were originally unrelated became a family, not just getting a certificate and living in a room, so simple.
This also requires a lot of running-in and countless tolerances.
Huang Lei once said: "It is normal for husband and wife to quarrel and play a little temper, but don't go out of the woods, don't overdo it." ”
When everything is excessive, it will be counterproductive.
The more hurtful words are said, the other person's heart will be cold; the more vicious words are said, the more love for each other will fade.
We should set a boundary for ourselves, not to say difficult things, and not to do excessive things.
Only in this way can we not touch the pain points of the other party.
It is not easy to love each other, only cherish it with your heart.
Don't let each other's feelings also be consumed in one bad review after another.
After all, a good marriage is to become a brainwash fan of the other party, not a bad evaluator.