At the beginning of the new year, we always have a lot to look forward to:
We want our bosses to "find conscience" and set a new high in income; we long for the haze of the epidemic to dissipate and our lovers will issue invitations to travel together; we want parents to discipline us less, and we pray that our children's New Year performance can be "good-looking".
When the wish flags are erected one by one, it may be easier for us to discover that each expectation spreads outward like a ray, and its core wants happiness.
Hey dear you, at the beginning of a new journey, be sure to give yourself these three gifts, by paying attention to your own heart, injecting new happiness into the new day.
01, with parents, seeing and understanding is the greatest fulfillment
Near the end of the year, many people have gone home for vacation. As a result, the marriage promotion army was launched.
The mother and daughter grumbled angrily: "You see, others are holding a child, and I can only hold the dog egg (domestic dog) when I go out." ”
Immediately, the old mother began to think: "How good it is for you to have two children, a grandson and a granddaughter to go out to play, how powerful I am." ”
At this time, the daughter mended the knife: Then your hand has long been broken.
Mom continued to "nag": I do! I have one in my left hand, one in my right hand, and two in my back that I like the most. I found you so many objects you don't look at, one said too thin like a fritter, one said too fat will eat fat meat, one said too sweaty, even sweat you have to care...
The whole video is not depressed and uncomfortable, and quietly ends in the mother and daughter's mouth like a box of cross-talk.
Envy this girl, in the mother's serial offensive to stand firm, not for the sake of the KPI arranged by the mother; envy this mother, say all the ideas out loud, but never force the daughter with a bad word.
Such a vein of warmth, it is very good.
Ms. Zeng, from her hometown of Xiangtan, Hunan, lost her young daughter 27 years ago. After 27 years, she has ridden 600,000 kilometers and finally found it. What Ms. Zeng couldn't bear was that her little daughter had a harder time than herself, and she hugged the child tightly and said, "Come back, come back for the New Year, have your mother take care of you." ”
Some people have been separated from home for a long time, and some people are close at hand but cannot return home for various reasons.
Small Chinese New Year's Eve in the north. Wang Mengfei, a girl who works in Changsha, was unable to return home. She received a large number of takeaways when she left work, which turned out to be a table that her father had ordered for herself thousands of miles away Chinese New Year's Eve meal.
In order to make his daughter eat well, the father made a note on each takeaway, "Trouble is free of spicy, do not add ice." "Every line is a reminder to the child that a person should also have a good New Year' Day."
Parental love, not so much dramatic bridge. But they are willing to stand up when the child has difficulties, and they give everything up in order to make the child eat better and sleep soundly. Even if it is close to the end of the world, what has always remained unchanged is the parents' fist and fist intentions and long-term concerns.
Such silent protection is very vigorous.
Our parents are the ones who brought us into this world, and our happiness lies in the fact that our world revolves around ourselves, and our parents are at odds with us, waving at us and ready to help us.
We lament the efforts of our parents, but we should penetrate the facts to see the essence - when we have reached adulthood, "living ourselves" is a hundred times more important than "completing the expectations of our parents", the love of parents can nourish life, but they do not want to compete for our command of life, self-care and cherishing can make us go further.
Therefore, in the new year, either forgive the imperfect love from the original family, or collect every trace of warmth sent by the parents, and return their protection and love with "becoming a better and better self".
02, with the lover, hugging is the truest pampering
Recently saw a "handsome guy" on the Internet:
On January 20, a man in Laohekou, Hubei Province, hurried through the snow, carrying dinner in his arms for his wife.
Ms. Zhu, the party, saw that her husband was already covered with snowflakes, and tears were swirling in her eyes. Although they have been married for ten years, because of mutual understanding, life is so plain and happy.
Such love is really sweet.
When I was sending my child to school, I met a mother of two children. Every New Year, she first returned home with her husband, and then rushed to her home on the fourth day of the first year.
At first, because the child was small, it was very tiring to return to her in-laws' home, and she automatically gave up the opportunity to return to her mother's home, and in the two years affected by the epidemic, returning to her mother's home for the New Year was even more of a luxury.
She silently complained in her heart that her husband was not considerate enough of her heart, and she was unwilling to leave her face to ask for her husband. To her surprise, in order to avoid the epidemic blocking the way, this year her husband took annual leave in advance and took the family to go straight to her mother-in-law's house, whether it was a big Chinese New Year's Eve or a small Chinese New Year's Eve, this year to make up for it.
It turned out that her sadness, the tears she quietly wiped away, her husband actually saw.
It's really warm with this kind of company.
In life, we have countless times wanted to "run away" because we could not solve the contradictions with our lovers. Where do these grievances come from?
It was we who worked hard to buy ingredients to make a good meal, imagining that our partner would be excited to celebrate, but he said coldly that he would not eat for the time being and was still working overtime.
It is we who say that today's work is not going well, imagining that our partner will bring flowers and wine to comfort, while he analyzes the pros and cons on a case-by-case basis, pointing out that there are also reasons for the unsatisfactory work...
In fact, the resentment comes from only one place, we want peaches, and our partners only give plums. We're thinking about why our loved ones don't understand us, and we wonder if we're expecting too much. When imagination and harvest are not equal, we resent ourselves and each other.
But in marriages that do not involve principled issues, there are different forms of love:
It's like a man who doesn't talk much, every morning he will peel a hard-boiled egg for you and your child;
Just like a husband who works at a glance, he will always send the pay card to you when he pays his salary;
Just like a partner who is not so "able to earn money" will keep the house organized...
Although "give you money, you want to buy flowers you buy" and there is no romance of "send you a bouquet of roses", the essence of life is to be down-to-earth. We really can't conclude that the other party doesn't love and we are not good because we lack something we want in our marriage.
As long as you are self-responsible and make up for the part of yourself that you desire, marriage is a fish with water, and each other is relaxed and comfortable.
So in the new year, don't long for the life that your partner brings us the most appetite, we can create a comfortable and soft emotional embrace for ourselves, self-affirmation, self-confidence. Of course, knowing how to appreciate our lover is also appreciating our vision of choosing TA.
03, with children, we will always be the best growth template for TA
Some people are still having a headache about how to start the winter vacation, and some people have begun to teach their children to "play cards"——
An old friend posted a circle of friends: "Ask for a tractor tutorial." ”
It turned out that she didn't want her daughter to hold the mobile phone, and she didn't want the child to blindly read and simply play some logical games. Worried about your child's addiction? There is no such thing, under her guidance, the child is very clear about the difference between entertainment and serious business.
This kind of getting along is particularly relaxed.
Some mothers "let go of their children", and some people desperately want to return to their children-
When Zhan Jianfei was a teenager, his parents went out to work in order to earn money, and he could only see them twice a year.
After becoming a father, Zhan Jianfei deeply realized that the scars of left-behind children were invisible. In order not to let his children become left-behind children, he chose to return to his hometown of Jiangxi, starting with an e-commerce customer service.
Zhan Jianfei said, "Wherever the child is, I am there." Staying together is more important than anything else. ”
In his opinion, a dad is enough to be worth everything, put the child first, and the rest is slow.
Such firmness may give children the deepest sense of security.
Many times, we jokingly refer to raising children as "opening the blind box", opening well, the child is worry-free all the way; opening bad, the days are chicken flying dog jumping.
If you go up the "blind box" against the current, it is easy to find that most of the parents who "prescribe" good children are not bad. Such "not bad" is not money and food and housing, but they tend to be emotionally stable, lead by example, and do not skimp on giving their children companionship.
Speaking of which, parent-child relationship is nothing more than two words, one is "listening" and the other is "role model", listening to the child's heart; if you want the child to be like, let us become what we want.
Imagine, when we see a child's "vices," what do we see? It is the child who has been raised, it is that he will not find a job in the future, it is his life that will be dragged down by bad habits.
It is this anxiety of ignoring the present and thinking only about the future that makes us add a lot of pressure to our children.
And when we focus on our emotions, do not divert anxiety and irritability, focus on our own methods, and do not need to repeat preaching to replace, the child may be on the right path step by step.
So in the new year, don't pile too many expectations on the child, and pay too much attention to the results that the child takes out.
Instead, I put my energy on myself: what can I do to calm my emotions and keep myself objective and calm? What do I long for my child to become, and what can I do to be a good example?
If you want to understand these two question marks, you will find that the "blind box for children" is not a qualitative toy, but a "wise and courageous" with exclusive characteristics.
04. Three gifts for yourself
The most temperate happiness in life must return to the relationship. And the dominance in the relationship has always been ourselves.
So, in the new year, in addition to the external image, please be sure to prepare these three gifts for yourself.
- The first: unsparing affirmation
No matter what kind of relationship vortex you are in at this moment, affirm your own efforts. You already love your parents very much / You are a good wife (husband) with a sense of responsibility / You are a good mom (dad) who loves your children.
The heart is strong, and it is necessary to use the abundant affirmation as the engine, and what is enough to defeat fear, anger, complaining, and confusion is the affirmation we give ourselves.
- Second: Acceptance without reservation
No matter how much you desire a new life at this moment, tell yourself to be inclusive and accepting. The love of the parents is clumsy but very real / The lover's heart is not romantic but very sincere / The child's progress is a little slow, but he is trying.
Each transition word is like a mountain, although there are two sides of yin and yang, but because of the existence of yin and yang, the mountain becomes three-dimensional.
Life can not "abandon its dross", know how to accept the love and pain in life, hate and softness, we will become more resilient because of this acceptance, and the life experience is also rich.
- Third: care without compromise
No matter what the past is, what the future holds, don't turn on your emotional switch to infinite emotion.
Based on the present, we cross the inextricable intimate relationship, closely rely on the core self, let a person live as a team, understand self-needs, understand self-appeal, cherish self-pursuit, and give themselves uncompromising care.
To manage yourself well is to manage happiness itself, and your energy will naturally be distributed in all relationships.
Looking up to pick up the fruits of life, we will find bitterness and sweetness, which exist because of our own sowing and nurturing.
May we love for ourselves and be busy with happiness in the new year.