Wen | Gongziyi
He had always thought that he was much better than Yan Xun, and that Chu Qiao could only get true happiness and care by his side.
But in this matter, he was inferior to that person. After ten years of staying together, Yan Xun is indeed a gentleman, but he has his own selfishness.
The night Chu Qiao and Zhuge Yue were "together", Zhuge Yue went out to soak in the rain. Because, he did not expect that Yan Xun and Chu Qiao had been together for ten years, and Yan Xun had never "touched" Chu Qiao.
Eight years.
Chu Qiao and Yan Xun slept together for eight years.
In the original book, it is written:
In the west conservatory of the side compartment, there were always two futons prepared, and at that time, they did not have a trustworthy subordinate. Two children often have to live in the same room with swords, one must be awake when one is asleep, and the latch on the door panel is always tied with a thin line, connected to the hands and feet of the two, and as long as there is a slight movement, the two will pull out the knife and jump up from the bed.
Antique vases on the bookshelves of the study are always filled with various wound medicines in case of emergency. Although they rarely use it, they gradually develop such a habit, even the chopsticks and spoons for eating are made of silver, and feed a lot of small rabbits, each meal must be eaten by rabbits first, waiting for a day and a half before they dare to eat into their mouths. In the first few years, they never seemed to have eaten a newly cooked hot meal.
Whether it is hot or mid-winter, the underwear must always be covered with a layer of soft armor. Whether it is eating or sleeping, there must always be a most handy weapon on the body.
In the original work, Chu Qiao was only eight years old when he followed Yan Xun.
At that time, Yan Xun and Chu Qiao were still children, and they didn't know what true love should be like. Yan Xun's liking for Chu Qiao when he was a child was the most simple heartbeat, and I was very happy to see you.
And Chu Qiao chose to follow Yan Xun when he was at his most difficult, not because of love, but because Yan Xun treated her kindly. Coupled with the fact that she witnessed Yan Xun's misery in Jiuyoutai, yan xun was the only one left at that time. Yan Xun needed her most, so she had to accompany Yan Xun.
Before the pure heartbeat of the two children could take shape, they fell into the difficulty of survival. At that time, Yan Xun and Chu Qiao did not have the time and energy to think about what love and together, all their minds were focused on how to survive, how to escape, how to repay the bloody sea of vengeance.
The undead of the Yan family were not allowed to rest in peace after death, and they were burned in jiuyoutai, their heads were in a different place, and their bones were scattered to ashes. At that time, Yan Xun and Chu Qiao were facing all kinds of assassinations, and when they ate, they only dared to eat cold rice and "steamed" rice, and when they slept, the two children also had to take turns to keep vigil. In winter, there was no brazier, no ondol, just a bed of dilapidated bedding, dark and dirty, emitting a foul smell.
What's even more terrifying is that Yan Xun's former friends have become Yan Xun's enemies, hating not being able to stomp Yan Xun into the dirt, Yan Xun was forced to cut off his little finger, and Chu Qiao did not dare to fight back for a little medicine, and could only lie passively on the ground and be beaten.
Two children who can't even eat enough to sleep, where can there be any beautiful ideas.
Live, live, live.
Revenge, revenge, revenge.
It was the energy and significance of Yan Xun and Chu Qiao's eight years.
Two years.
They finally escaped from Zhenhuang.
At that time, Yan Xun wanted to say to Achu:
You and I have been friends for eight years, during which we have shared good fortune and suffering, and now it is all over. When things are over here, back to Yanbei, let's become relatives, let's be together, we won't be separated again.
However, he did not say these words after all. Because, he was no longer such a bright and dazzling Yan Xun, he had lost his kindness and kindness, and he had lost his bottom line, and his hands were stained with blood, and these were contrary to the always bright Achu.
He had already begun to use Achu and deceive Achu in Zhenhuang City, and he had long been unable to obey his wishes, and he had long expected that he would not be able to save Achu in the future.
From the moment Achu went to save the Northern Yan warriors who had been abandoned by him, he knew that he would one day lose Achu. At that time, he thought about blood debt and blood repayment, thought about killing, was hegemony, and did not want any bottom line at all costs. At that time, Achu did not think about revenge and hegemony, she wanted to establish an ideal kingdom in Northern Yan.
Chu Qiao never knew what Yan Xun wanted, and Yan Xun knew from a long time that he and Ah Chu were not running to the same place.
In the two years after escaping from Zhenhuang City, Yan Xun and Chu Qiao separated, and during that time Zhuge Yue and Li Ce strongly accompanied her. When Chu Qiao returned to Northern Yan, Yan Xun wanted to be related to Ah Chu and wanted to be with Chu Qiao, but the huge horizontal ditch between the two people made Yan Xun discouraged.
Here I have to say that Yan Xun really loves Chu Qiao, he loves Achu like that, but he controls himself, he wants to give Achu a big wedding, he wants to wait until the dust settles, and give Achu the most down-to-earth and stable love.
Even if Achu was willing, Yan Xun ran out. The deep responsibility, the bloody killing, the growing ambition, made him ashamed of himself in the face of Achu's wishes.
And as his and Achu's most fundamental goals are different, the two people are increasingly conflicted, and those quarrels eventually cover their feelings with a layer of ashes.
When Yan Xun and Achu finally had time to talk about love, they suddenly found that the two of them could not blend together, and they had contradictions and conflicts that could not be reconciled at all.
Yan Xun had not only Achu by his side, but also a group of obedient dogs. And Ah Chu's side, not only Yan Xun, but also Zhuge Yue, and even Li Ce.
Who is not the only most important person for whom.
When Zhuge Yue fell into the ice lake, the contradiction between Chu Qiao and Yan Xun reached a climax. Chu Qiao saw Yan Xun clearly, and Yan Xun finally gave up his Achu.
One year.
On the occasion of the New Year's Day a year ago, Yan Xun held a huge wedding in the Shuofang Palace, taking eighteen daughters of important ministers at one time, all of whom were married as concubines, and built a large number of buildings behind the Shuofang Palace to enrich the harem. The wedding banquet was held for eighteen days, and the entire people of northern Yan went to Shuofang to worship in unison, and the grandeur was unprecedented and breathtaking.
A year after Chu Qiao left Yan Xun, Yan Xun got married.
Even if Chu Qiao was by his side and became his woman, Chu Qiao still couldn't stop Yan Xun's big wedding. Yan Xun's ring, Yan Xun's vows, was destined to disappear as early as the moment Yan Xun stepped out of the True Huang City.
When you repeatedly read the original book of "The Biography of Chu Qiao", you will find a very strange point: Yan Xun's love and killing of Chu Qiao are closely intertwined.
He forced Chu Qiao to kill him in order to keep Chu Qiao by his side, and the last trace of emotion he had left wanted to let Chu Qiao have a way to live. And once he gave Chu Qiao a way to live, he also completely lost Chu Qiao.
Yan Xun was torturing himself in such a huge entanglement, and also torturing Chu Qiao. When Chu Qiao was about to hold on, when Chu Qiao was about to die in front of Yan Xun, Cheng Yuan, the most loyal and cruel and treacherous person around Yan Xun, said something like this:
Your Majesty, let yourself have a way to live. If Lord Chu died at the hands of His Majesty, His Majesty would not be happy for the rest of his life. You have also said that no matter what dreams you have, you must live first, only by living, everything can have hope, if you die, it will never be too late.
I don't want His Majesty's heart to be tripped. In this heaven and earth, only His Majesty can make me achieve my wishes, and only His Majesty can make me truly follow and surrender. My loyalty to His Majesty will never change, and even if His Majesty is heinous and abandoned by heaven and earth, I am willing to follow His Majesty until the blood turns to ashes. I was despised for half my life, because I couldn't find anything really worth believing in. Now, I have found that His Majesty's hope is my faith. So, I don't want Your Majesty to live in regret all her life, Your Majesty, let her go.
Cheng Yuan in the original work was not killed by Chu Qiao, and Yan Xun also married Cheng Yuan's sister as a concubine. Cheng Yuan hated Chu Qiao thoroughly, but at the moment when Yan Xun forced Chu Qiao to kill him, he knelt down and prostrated his head deeply to beg Yan Xun to spare Chu Qiao.
Because, if Chu Qiao really died at the hands of Yan Xun, Yan Xun would really become a demon completely. What a terrible person he would become, even the fierce Cheng Yuan did not dare to imagine. Letting go of Chu Qiao will leave Yan Xun with the last shred of sanity and clarity. As long as Chu Qiao lived well, even if he was not with Yan Xun, then Yan Xun's heart left a glimmer of light: he Yan Xun had been treated like that by Achu. After all, there is a beam of light in this world, even if it does not belong to him, but he can see it from a distance.
And that ten years of non-touching was his last kindness to Achu, he never really had Achu, Achu was never his woman, so he could really push away. That decade of non-touching was Yan Xun's last insistence on his "true heart", he forced himself to give Achu another possible life, there was no flesh and blood between them, there was no physical imprint, so his Achu could also start a new life in its entirety.
At the moment when Yan Xun fell into the darkness, he tore out his last shred of light and gave it to Achu: I am about to fall into hell, may you have a glimmer of life to run to the light.
Sixteen years.
You are mine and I am yours. I can sacrifice and give anything in this life, but there are only two things, no matter what the situation, will not be used as a chip. The first is my beliefs and principles, and the second is my marriage and body. If you want a whole me, you have to give me all of yourself.
When Zhuge Yue and Chu Qiao confessed to each other, Chu Qiao said such a thing. Even if she told Yan Xun these words, Yan Xun couldn't do it. If she really said such a thing to Yan Xun, Yan Xun would flinch. Because he couldn't deliver all of Chu Qiao at all.
And when Zhuge Yue listened to Chu Qiao's words, he decided that the two people would spend candles in the cave room in advance.
Why did Yan Xun and Zhuge Yue both love Chu Qiao, but there was such a big contrast?
In the original work, Zhuge Yue dissected himself like this after the fact:
To her, he was never confident, cautious, like walking on thin ice. The closer happiness gets, the more frightened he becomes, so selfishly wants to have a little more, a little more, a little more.
And at the very beginning of Yan Xun, he and Chu Qiao were dependent on each other for life and death, he was too sure that the two people would never be separated, so he wanted to wait for Chu Qiao to grow up a little, wait until he was stronger, and when he was really strong, he began to be afraid, he was afraid that he would destroy Chu Qiao, afraid that he would pull Chu Qiao into the darkness together.
Yan Xun's turbulent decade was against Zhuge Yue's firm sixteen years.
When Chu Qiao was six years old, he spent time with Zhuge Yue, and at that time, Zhuge Yue was special to Chu Qiao and would occasionally be gentle. In the ten years of Chu Qiao and Yan Xun, Zhuge Yue always guarded silently and saved each other many times. When Chu Qiao left Yan Xun, Zhuge Yue waited for her for another three years.
In the sixteen years, in Zhuge Yue's heart, Chu Qiao became more and more important, until the end, he could sacrifice himself for Chu Qiao to become a demon, and he could also become a Buddha for Chu Qiao.
Yan Xun's ten years of not touching is fulfillment, is abandonment. And Zhuge Yue's touch is to never give up and never separate.
Yan Xun's "house" is the most extreme pain.
When I was a child, I heard a song called "There Is a Love Called Letting Go."
When I was young, I actually couldn't understand it at all. Now, thinking that he loves clearly, he has to cut off and personally do it himself. What extreme pain and sanity that was.
After reading the whole set of books repeatedly, thinking of Yan Xun as a person, I imagined him, there was no facial features, only a back as thick as a mountain, no one could crush him, no one could get close to him, because he had been completely lonely to the extreme.
He himself chose such a path, and he did not regret it. Because, after all, he left him and Achu with the last trace of clarity.
He didn't feel ashamed of Achu, he didn't feel ashamed of anyone, even if he saw Achu again, he still raised his shoulders fiercely.
Because, he has no heart.
For the sake of the Yan family's blood sea deep vengeance, for the sake of his own hegemony, he shaved his heart out of life.
It is often said that it hurts a thousand people and damages eight hundred, but In order to take revenge, Yan Xun cut off his heart, destroyed himself, and reshaped his soul.
Lin Shu's return is the rebirth of flesh and blood, and he is always the lin shu who has a bright heart. And Yan Xun's return was the shattering of his soul, and he was no longer the warmest teenager in The True Huang City.
What a shame.