The effectiveness of education depends on the consistency of education. ——Education expert Sun Yunxiao
When we were kids, we all learned an article called "Wonderful and Terrible."
The article tells the story of a poem written by the author when she was seven or eight years old, and when she showed it to her mother, she said: "Wonderful! When he showed it to his father, he always said with a somber face: "It's terrible! ”
The author continued to write because of his mother's encouragement, summarized and improved because of his father's blows, and later released many novels, plays and film scripts, and eventually became a generation of people.
In fact, many family education in China is also this "strict father and mother" model, so is this model really conducive to the growth and improvement of children?
There is a need for consensus before education
In fact, "wonderful and terrible" doesn't necessarily have broad implications, because at the end of the article, the author writes:
"I know from the bottom of my heart that wonderful or terrible, these two extreme assertions have a common starting point - that is, love." 」
The author can understand that his mother praises him out of encouragement, and his father suppresses him out of wanting him to improve, and he is able to maintain his judgment in these two very different opinions, and constantly get encouragement and promotion.
But for ordinary children, if the father and mother always give very different opinions, they will actually be at a loss.
"Mom and Dad, who is right?"
"Is my level high or low?"
"Who am I going to listen to?" ......
Actor Huang Lei said when talking about how to educate his daughter Duoduo, when Duoduo did a good job, he and Sun Li praised her together, and if they made mistakes, they criticized her together and made her realize that this behavior was wrong, so that they would not let the children take advantage of the loophole.
Singing "Red and White Face" requires a bottom line
In many film and television dramas, there will be settings similar to "loving mother and strict father" or "tiger mother and cat father", and we often call this family education model: "one sings red face, one sings white face." ”
For example, in the TV series "Little Joy", the mother played by Haiqing is always grumpy and loves to yell at children, while the father played by Huang Lei is always playing round field next to him, and thin mud.
This way of family getting along is actually not too much of a problem, because having two parents who are completely serious or fully lively is a headache for children.
However, the neutralization model of "one loose and one strict" requires an important foundation, that is, family members need to jointly establish principles and bottom lines, such as not stealing, not lying, not bullying classmates and so on.
If a child makes a mistake in principle, the parents must punish them together according to the rules, and they cannot give up punishment because of the father's momentary anger and scolding, and because of the mother's momentary heartache.
Only in this way can children distinguish between right and wrong, and understand the principles and bottom lines that should be human.
To educate children, parents should fight a cooperative war
In fact, in educating children, parents should never fight a confrontational war, but should cooperate.
I remember when I was seven years old, I found some change coins in the drawer, and I secretly took a dozen pieces to the supermarket to invite my classmates to eat a lot of snacks.
After the matter was revealed, my father took the whip and began to beat the palm of my hand, and after the beating, I knelt in the living room for half a day, and my father's scolding made me afraid and resentful.
In the evening, my mother quietly entered my room and told me that although I did not steal much money, stealing itself was a very inferior act, and my father beat me in the hope that I would have a long memory...
I have forgotten the specifics of what my mother said that night, but my resentment toward my parents gradually dissipated with my mother's gentle words, and I will remember the teaching that "you can't take other people's things at will" for the rest of my life.
Looking back now, my parents' actions at that time were actually a very appropriate way of educating, I was punished for violating principles, and my mother, even if she hurt me, did not say much when my father taught me.
In the end, I came to my room to explain only my father's punishment, trying to make me understand the reasoning, not to be partial and comforting, and this really benefited me for a lifetime.
In fact, not only parents, grandparents and parents should also unify their opinions, establish rules, and fight a good war when educating their children.
Only in this way can we maximize the educational effect of each time and achieve a win-win situation for children and parents.
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