A good marriage is a kind of happiness, a bad marriage is a kind of pain, and some people are obviously tortured in marriage, but they are still unwilling to let go, unwilling to leave, and have been reluctant to be with the person who makes them miserable.
Maybe it's because of the fear of the unknown future, maybe it's because there are still various interests involved, maybe it's because you want to give your children a complete home, in short, it's obviously very painful, but you will still live your life, while you can't see the future, and you don't have the courage to cut off all the pain and start a new life.
In fact, no matter how many concerns there are, if a marriage makes you not feel any happiness and sweetness, but endless pain, endless torture, then it is better to live separately and live again, which is the best choice for yourself, for your partner, and for your children.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="6" >01 Marriage without love, barely together, only torturing each other</h1>
How many people's marriages look nothing on the surface, in fact, there are hidden various discordant factors, there are various problems and contradictions, but many people do not want to worry about it anymore, quarrel and quarrel, make noise, and communicate many times, but once have not succeeded, so they have long been physically and mentally exhausted, unwilling to spend energy and time on those problems that cannot be solved.
If two people live together for many years, they can never run into an agreement, there will still be various problems and contradictions, then it is difficult for the hearts of two people to be integrated, and they have long been separated, just because of various objective environmental conditions and various concerns, they still barely live together, although they have been centrifuged, but they have not left home.
In the movie "No Questions Asked", the marriage of Xu Bochang and Liu Shufen is a tragedy, the reason why their marriage can last for a period of time is only because Liu Shufen funded Xu Bochang to go to college, he only had affection for her, no love, even during the marriage, Xu Bochang did not let Liu Shufen feel love, but was extremely indifferent to her, even eating and using must be clearly separated from her, Liu Shufen quarreled with him, he was not willing to take care of her, Liu Shufen, who suffered cold violence for a long time, In this marriage, Xu Bochang, who has no love for Liu Shufen, is also tortured, one has no love, one desperately wants to grasp love, such a marriage is painful for both people.
Obviously very painful, obviously torturing each other, but still unwilling to let go, Liu Shufen's mistake is to tie up a person who does not love himself, Xu Bo often mistakes in clearly not loving, but also to deceive himself and his wife, has been married, and is so indifferent to his wife, so that the marriage of mutual torture will naturally not have a good ending.
Although it is a movie, this reflects the truth of many people's marriages, there are too many people, obviously there is no love, but still because of various factors reluctantly together, torturing each other, not only to consume the feelings to nothing, but also to hate each other, and even make some impulsive behavior.
There is a line in the Japanese drama "The Most Perfect Divorce": "The worst ending of marriage is not divorce, but becoming a mask couple." There is no love for each other, nor any expectations, but living together, this is the biggest misfortune. ”
If there is no love, no feelings, and being together is torturing each other, it is better to separate and start a new life, why hurt each other? After all, marriage is not the whole of life, don't let your life be so bad because of a bad marriage.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="6" >02 If love has disappeared, don't try to catch up and force it</h1>
Love is always an impenetrable thing, may be full of love at the beginning, full of love, but two people walking will only be a little resentment and pain, so love will disappear, whether you love others, or others love you, it is possible to change because of one thing or a lot of things.
The author Wanyang once said: The most cruel thing about marriage is that there are no waves, but love just disappears out of thin air.
Maybe the person you once thought you could walk for a lifetime suddenly parted ways with you at a fork in the road, even if you are not separated, barely on the same road, your heart and direction are no longer on the same line.
If love has disappeared, if your path is already different, don't try to catch up, if the other party doesn't love you anymore, don't forcibly keep it, forcibly retaining someone who doesn't love you will only make you more miserable.
Writer Wu Tanru once said: "Loving only one person in a lifetime is a very beautiful thing, but there is no need to force it, and it is not necessary to be stubborn." You should be in love with your heart, and you can also be obsessed, but you can't be too obsessed. ”
Love that has disappeared, don't hold out any hope anymore, of course, don't tie yourself to someone you don't love because of all kinds of other external things, maybe you still have some reluctance, maybe you still have some fear, but if you want to get rid of pain and torture, you have to have the courage to leave and be decisive.
Love is to have dignity, if a relationship makes you live very humble, without dignity, so that you need to sacrifice yourself to grasp it, then such a feeling, even if you catch, will endlessly consume you, making you live more painfully.
So people should know how to stop losses in time, when you are always suffering, you must be sober, decisively give up and constantly consume your feelings.
As the saying goes: When you care about me, I care more about you. When you snub me, I slowly let you go. When you cherish me, I will be doubly good to you. When you abandon me, I let everything go to zero.
Treat feelings without dragging mud and water, have the courage to get rid of torture, and start a new life, is the person who knows how to cherish himself.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="6" >03 Couples who don't love and are barely together are also a kind of torture for children</h1>
Many couples obviously have no love, no feelings, but will still be together, most of the reason is because the child, want to give the child a complete home, do not want to affect the child's mental health, but the real situation is that the child grows up in a family environment without love, which will affect the child's mental health even more.
There is no feeling between husband and wife, but also often quarrel, children can feel, even if they pretend to show affection in front of the child, it will appear very embarrassing, that delicate atmosphere, the child can actually feel it, every child is sentient, but also has the mind, not we adults imagine so fragile, not what we know.
In the program "Happiness Trio", Wu Jing's wife Xie Nan once said: The best education for children is that parents love each other, love is emotional flow, children can feel it, and he will get a sense of security in this love.
Parents who love each other and families with love can make children feel love and let children have a sense of security. On the contrary, it is difficult for parents without feelings, and children have difficulty feeling love, and even have to be careful to obtain the love of their parents.
Many people think that they have to wait until the child grows up to be an adult, you can easily divorce, every year after the college entrance examination there will always be a wave of divorce, because the child has grown up, the school has come to an end, this time divorce, the smallest impact on the child and school.
However, many children are very clear in their hearts, whether their parents have feelings or not, whether they are loving, at a glance. And children are also growing, their minds will become more and more mature, many things and truths are understood.
I have seen a story before, the protagonist of the story after graduating from high school persuaded his parents to divorce, parents always quarrel, the father rarely cares about the family, always comes out early and returns late, the mother quarrels with the father, in exchange for a fight, the mother always complains to the protagonist, always says that if it is not because she has divorced her father a long time ago, in fact, this protagonist always lives in pain, on the one hand, she has to endure her father's irresponsibility, on the other hand, she also has to endure the mother's emotional kidnapping, so she finally can't stand it, I took the initiative to persuade my parents to divorce.
It is said in "Intimate Relationships" that when there are many contradictions in the family and the parents do not divorce, the happiness of the child will be worse than the divorce.
Maybe adults think that not divorcing for the sake of children is good for children, but in fact, children who grow up in families without love will resent their original families, but they lack love even more, and instead of barely living together, they want their parents to let each other go, shake hands and make peace.
In fact, parents who can boldly let go and not torture each other for the sake of their children, not only let go of themselves, but also let go of their children, get rid of their pain, and children will not feel guilty because of their parents, so that parents can also free up the time and energy to quarrel with each other to give their children more love.
Of course, the most important thing is that parents should understand that even if they are divorced, they should not reduce their love for their children, no matter what happens in the future, they must do their best to love their children, and they must also let their children understand that parents just cannot live together, but the love for themselves will not be less, it will not change.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="6" >04 Marriages that are difficult to continue with all their might are better to separate</h1>
No one wants to divorce unless it is a last resort, but many things are unpredictable and uncontrollable, and if you have tried your best to maintain your marriage, but it is still unsustainable, then the best option is to separate.
Whatever your reason for continuing to sustain it, if you spend a lot of energy and time on business, but end up living in pain and suffering, it's better to choose to let go.
Ma Yili has been living very well since the divorce, her marriage experience, we all know, even if she suffered betrayal, she also chose to forgive, perhaps she once hoped to make the marriage better through her own efforts, wanted to continue to maintain her marriage, but still came to this step.
Probably many people like her, no matter how many problems they have encountered, they want to try to manage their marriage, but in the end it is still the opposite of what they want, if they try their best and it is difficult to continue, they can only separate.
Some people are obviously being tortured, but still unwilling to let go, perhaps because of the fear of the unknown future, especially women, for them, ending a marriage requires courage, not only to face all kinds of criticism, but also to start a new life by themselves, and even to raise their own children, if there is no certain economic conditions and confidence, many women would rather torture themselves in a painful marriage.
But no one can guarantee that marriage will not change, especially when you are very much looking forward to the person, constantly let you disappointed and despair, and even have no feelings for you, want to abandon you, at this time the despair and pain in your heart, can be imagined.
If your marriage has reached the point where it cannot continue, don't cling to it, the future may make you afraid, but you still have to take that step in the end, otherwise you will always live in pain, and your life will not have any hope.
Someone said: "In the face of the changes in marriage, there are two kinds of women, one is self-hatred and self-pity, and the other is strong self- ”
In fact, when you really have the courage to get rid of the painful marriage and start a new life, when you are strong through the most difficult period, you will find that life is not as bad as you think, your life will go smoother and smoother, you will live more easily, you will have more opportunities to harvest happiness, and you will also thank yourself who had the courage to turn around and leave.
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Text/Jane Eyre's Window Photo/Pixabay
About the author: A native of the south, a native of the south, writes a heart-wrenching article with simple words, and talks about emotions and growth with you.