After entering the age of 35, when talking with female friends around us about mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we seem to have no youthful vigor when we first got married, but we can see the essence of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and we can handle the relationship with mother-in-law more freely. And many friends will sincerely sigh when mentioning getting along with their mother-in-law: at the beginning, don't expect too much from your mother-in-law.
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Her friend Xiaomeng shared her and her mother-in-law's experience of "loving and killing each other" over the years.
Xiao Meng's mobility was inconvenient in the third trimester of pregnancy, and at the suggestion of her husband, she picked up her mother-in-law from her hometown and began to live under the same roof as her mother-in-law.
At first, they got along quite well, the mother-in-law took care of all the housework, and even Xiaomeng's panties and socks were washed, which made Xiaomeng deeply feel the benefits of living with the elderly: dragging the pregnant belly home from work, there was hot food to eat, and there was no need to do housework anymore.
Of course, she also has some places that she does not look down on her mother-in-law, such as when peeling fruits or vegetables, she always likes to cut into the sink, cut it and not deal with it in time, and wait until the dishes are washed.
At first, I saw a lot of benefits when I was with my mother-in-law
For example, the mother-in-law saves water, washes the clothes of the water, always reluctant to throw it away, specially put in a bucket to store, used to flush the toilet, this habit directly leads to the bathroom is always filled with a smell of steamed water.
Of course, although Xiao Meng felt uncomfortable in her heart, they did not obviously infringe on her life, so she did not say it.
At that time, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law still maintained each other's politeness.
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Xiao Meng did not expect that after giving birth to a child, their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law contradictions had just begun.
Before the child was born, Xiaomeng carefully told her mother-in-law about the method of measuring the water temperature with a thermometer, brewing milk powder, and putting it in the disinfection machine after the baby drank the milk powder, and also counted the benefits of doing so.
The mother-in-law was full of smiles at the time, and even agreed, but then Xiaomeng found that when the baby was really born, the mother-in-law was completely face to face, behind a set, in front of her, will do these work well, but when she was in the bedroom, the mother-in-law returned to the original steps of brewing milk powder and flushing the bottle, directly with the mouth to taste the water temperature, cleaning the bottle directly with boiling water to rinse the end.
Some of the behaviors of the mother-in-law with the child always make Xiaomeng feel uncomfortable
When this scene was first discovered through the surveillance video installed in the living room a long time ago, Xiaomeng angrily fired at her mother-in-law, and she did not expect that the mother-in-law, who had always been smiling, came down coldly, accusing Xiaomeng of installing surveillance at home, and saying that Xiaomeng did not respect the elderly.
After each quarrel, the mother-in-law will use the "return to the hometown" to threaten, and Xiaomeng has to let her husband come forward to keep the mother-in-law. After a few times like this, the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law became worse and worse, and the husband was also miserable in it.
When the child was just born, Xiaomeng also complained to me about the bad mother-in-law relationship in the middle of the night, at that time, I had not yet entered the marriage hall, and immediately suggested that she send her mother-in-law back to her hometown and ask a nanny to take care of the child.
However, while the child is asleep, Xiao Meng has carefully summed up, this method is actually not feasible, one is that she and her husband go to work during the day, leaving the nanny alone at home to take care of the baby feels uneasy; the second is that the current salary income of the two of them, repay the mortgage, raise the child, if you hire a babysitter, the economic aspect is also more stretched, not to mention the unexpected situation such as a baby's illness.
In the end, it is still a matter of "money", the well-known emotional writer Li Xiaoyi has encouraged girls in many of her articles, "first make a living, then make love", perhaps because she is more keenly aware that girls who enter marriage will have certain economic ability and conditions to live better.
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In fact, Xiaomeng and her mother-in-law still have a problem with each other in getting along, that is, the personalities of both of them are somewhat screwed.
The little dream is more straightforward, and when she sees the things that her mother-in-law does not do very well, she will immediately say them, and sometimes even roar out. In fact, in the eyes of her mother-in-law, she did not know that some of her actions were wrong, but she was directly accused by the juniors, and she could not hang on to her face, and she would definitely defend a few words, or even die without admitting it.
Seeing the mother-in-law's defense, Xiao Meng's anger was even worse, which directly led to the quarrel behind and the threat of the mother-in-law "returning to her hometown".
Later, under the communication of her husband, Xiaomeng and her mother-in-law talked once. Xiao Meng admitted that his personality was more grinning and he spoke too directly. And the mother-in-law also generously admitted that she had never thought of returning to her hometown, the pressure of their little two lives was so great, she must have wanted to help bring up her grandson, and every time she used "back to her hometown" to threaten, she was angry at Xiao Meng's attitude towards herself.
After many times of communication, the relationship between Xiaomeng's mother-in-law and daughter-in-law improved significantly
After this conversation, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law both retracted their tempers, and although the subsequent relationship was not as harmonious as that of the mother and daughter, it was also polite.
Summarizing the experience of Xiaomeng and other friends around her getting along with her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I have the following three suggestions that I want to give to girls who have to get along with my mother-in-law.
1) Every time you want to have a conflict with your mother-in-law, think more about why you need to live with your mother-in-law
Many girls live with their mother-in-law after giving birth to children, because they need the help of their mother-in-law to carry the children. There are many remarks on the Internet that it is often recommended to hire a nanny to bring children, but the reality is that more than half of the ordinary families in the city, asking for a nanny means more than a fixed expenditure, and it is undeniable that the ordinary young people living in the city are under great financial pressure, and with the mother-in-law to help with the children and do housework, life will indeed be much easier.
I have also seen some girls, because they can't get along with their mother-in-law, they can only resign to take their children, become full-time mothers, work hard at home every day to take children, and occasionally have some conflicts with their husbands, ask their husbands to have a living expenses and have to see their faces, and the days are even more miserable.
Therefore, if you have a child, your mother can't come over to take the child, and you want to go to work, you can only rely on your mother-in-law to take the child, you may wish to think more about why you need to live with your mother-in-law in the first place.
2) The concepts of the two generations are inevitably different, and the expectations for the mother-in-law should not be too high
Our generation and the previous generation born around the 50s, the era and social scene experienced are completely different, the concept of the two generations is inevitably different, therefore, when getting along with the mother-in-law, do not expect too much.
For example, some new types of household appliances, disinfection machines, etc., some new concepts, such as regular feeding, etc., for the elderly, it may take time to accept, as a daughter-in-law to see that the mother-in-law is not doing well, what is needed is more guidance, it is really not OK, these things will be done by themselves, in the matter of parenting, more mobilize the enthusiasm of the husband, to the small couple as the leader, let the elderly help on the side.
3) Don't care too much about your mother-in-law's opinion, living your own little life is the most important
Many girls, including their friend Xiaomeng, are very concerned about their mother-in-law's opinions, especially when they first get along with their mother-in-law, they always hope that their mother-in-law can like themselves. Therefore, in the process of getting along with my mother-in-law, sometimes I always feel that the left is not, the right is not, and there are many scruples.
In fact, this kind of thinking is not necessary, the mother-in-law relationship is actually a kind of "strange relative" that is different from the ordinary blood relationship, and when getting along with the mother-in-law, maintain respect and boundaries for the elders, and try to avoid conflicts.
Because you have to understand that your husband is the one who you have to hold on to for a lifetime, and because of the relationship between taking children and mother-in-law, in fact, it is only a few years, do not enlarge the role of mother-in-law, and live your own small life is the most important.