#分享新生活 #
I remember at the annual meeting one year, a female colleague forgot to pull up the side zipper in a beautiful skirt.
At that time, when several people walked past her, they all looked sideways at the open zipper, and then tangled a little, but in the end they did not go forward to remind her.
I belong to the kind of nosy person, and when I encounter this situation, I naturally can't turn a blind eye, so I quickly go up and whisper to her. At that moment, in addition to feeling very embarrassed, the female colleague also muttered: "Really, many people have seen it, right?" Why not say it sooner! ”
In his book Wharton's Most Popular Negotiation Class, written by world-class negotiator Stuart Diamond, the authors share two behaviors that affect relationships: concealment and threats.
conceal
People generally have a kind of "reporting good news and not worrying" idea, thinking that as long as you do the guy who "reports worry", it will definitely touch people's mold and attract people to hate; if you are not careful, you may cause unnecessary trouble for yourself. Therefore, whenever something bad happens, most people prefer to take various negative measures such as avoidance and concealment.
In fact, in many cases, we choose to tell the bad news bluntly, but it will strengthen the relationship between us.
For example, the female colleague who forgot to zip the side of her skirt, the sooner she was reminded, the sooner her embarrassing situation would end, so she thanked me very much at that time, and gradually became a good friend with me in the future.
threat
There is a big sister in the office, the popularity is very bad, basically all colleagues do not like her, respect her. It wasn't until after my eldest sister retired that I learned that the main reason why everyone hated her was that she liked to grab other people's "little braids" at every turn, and used this as a handle to threaten others to do things for themselves.
For example, the eldest sister is not very skilled in the use of excel software for computers, and whenever she needs to ask a colleague for help, she likes to say: "You help me process these data in Excel, right?" If you don't deal with it, I'll tell the boss that you've been late this morning three times this month. ”
You see, originally young people helped old comrades deal with data, but it was just a matter of raising their hands, as long as the eldest sister opened her mouth, who would refuse? However, the eldest sister had to add such a threatening sentence at the end, which made people feel extremely uncomfortable in an instant.
It can be seen that in the process of building relationships, using threats as a strategy will completely destroy the relationship.
Because threats make people eager to alienate rather than move closer; and threats create fear and provoke a desire for revenge. No one likes the feeling of being threatened and when the threatened person makes concessions, it is often only based on certain practical factors.
In fact, over the years, I really never heard the eldest sister sue a colleague in front of the leader, or said which colleague is not, but she likes to scare and threaten others at every turn, so that everyone has a lot of bad ideas invisibly...
Recommended reading of past highlights:
Reducing the perceived risks of the other person can help us foster relationships and solve problems
The most powerful way to strengthen a relationship is to make emotional compensation
Three practical ways to build a good network of interpersonal relationships
The breakthrough of each layer of relationship will make you feel infinite joy