At the same time, the illustrator Yi Lin's father was damaged by heart failure, and the mother was damaged by Alzheimer's disease, and they were trapped in space and time, and their dignity was exhausted by the disease.
Under the impact, the proposition of meaning for the first time jumps out of the experience of life in YiLin: If life is too weak to be controlled, what is the meaning of living?
After his father's death, Yi Lin picked up a paintbrush to record the difficult times when the three sisters took care of their mother together, recording the love story of their parents and the family's past. When the mother, who was corrupted by the disease and looked at these pictures, suddenly said that I remembered that the family's healing path began.
Wen | Wang Shuangxing
Edit | Osprey
Figure | provided by respondents
Double loss
Before going to his father's spiritual hall, Yi Lin found that his mother's mood changed like a pendulum. It was the spring of 2018, the father was gone, the mother was sick, and almost at the same time, the train, which had been running at a uniform speed for decades, suddenly derailed and out of control.
Want to see Dad? The daughters asked. The mother nodded and sighed heavily: "A husband and wife of more than fifty years!" Dressed up and ready to go out, just arrived at the door, she suddenly said like a gamble with whom: Don't go!
The family was stunned. After a while, the mother sighed again: "A husband and wife of more than fifty years!" Yi Lin stepped forward again and tentatively asked her if she still wanted to go. The mother looked up and asked as if asking for advice: "Then I still want to see Hazi your father?" There was no expression, and no emotion could be seen, and then he calmed down all the way to the door of the spiritual hall.
The mother suddenly began to tremble and covered her face and cried: Old Don, I have come to see you coming... The three daughters were frightened and rushed to help, but a more dramatic scene appeared, and the mother seemed to return to normal in an instant, pointing to the father's portrait, and muttered in a short tone of voice in the chat parents: Your father Guo (this) Zhang Xiang, a crying face, Yan (no) good!
Emotions are thrown around, and it is impossible to tell which one is the real mother. First there was consternation, and then the grief spread inch by inch—the grief of the father's departure, and the grief of the father's departure and the mother's loss of the ability to grieve. The three daughters cried in the spiritual hall, and the tears fell down, and inside was a double loss.
Shortly after dealing with their father's affairs, the three daughters took their mother to the hospital, and the doctor handed over a diagnosis documenting moderate to severe Alzheimer's disease, which is a mixture of Alzheimer's disease and vascular dementia. The father disappeared into this world, the mother's memory was erased little by little, the two whirlpools met together and became a bigger whirlpool, and the whole family was wrapped up in it and confused.
In the 1960s, parents fell in love, married, and had children in the army. The father is the absolute authority of the family, and the whole family must be under his command, except for the mother, who has no problem with pouting. The two people are famous for their relationship, watching movies together, doing housework together, running together, riding bicycles together, until their hair is gray, and they still retain their love for each other. For a while, my father watched a Taiwanese romance drama, met the kissing scene, and went to tease my mother: they hugged together and nibbled on the radish again, come, we also nibbled. The mother laughed and rolled her eyes in disgust. After the father got coronary heart disease, the two people began to sleep with their hands in hand, so that if the father was uncomfortable, the mother could immediately detect it. Yi Lin recalled that when his uncle died, his parents still hugged and cried together, and agreed that the two people would go together in the future.
No one expected to be suddenly dragged into the vortex of disease. The father suffered from heart failure and was bedridden until he died; and the mother's emotions, switching back and forth between excitement and indifference, sometimes staggering over, caring and choking, but most of the time, numb and impatient. The daughter suggested that she accompany her father, and she obediently sat down, completed the task and casually asked a question, and then got up and left.
In the last days, Yi Lin found that his father's illness was getting worse and worse, and his mother was becoming more and more indifferent and impatient. Once, my father shouted from his hospital bed: I want you to accompany me, I can't bear you! Now I'm asking you... And the mother sat in the living room watching TV, listening, just standing there and giggling. The daughters had no choice but to shed their tears.
In May of that year, my father, who was asleep in his hospital bed, suddenly shouted four words clearly: Ready to go! After a while, he shouted again: Go! He then passed away at the age of 84.
The mother's condition continued to develop irreversibly, and many memories were erased, becoming more and more like a child.
Yi Lin is an illustrator who paints all of this, along with the past experiences of the whole family. This is a remembrance of his father, an awakening of his mother's memory, and a reconciliation with his own growing pains.
Wang Chunxia saw them in the work group, when there was no complete manuscript, scattered words and cartoons piled together. She glanced at it and knew that it wasn't a time-saving and labor-saving topic, but she went on top and became the editor of the book; nine months later, I Remember it was published.
Alzheimer's books on this subject are actually not lacking in China, but in the form of comics, this should be the first. Wang Chunxia said that she saw enough rich content inside, nested in a circle, the innermost layer is three daughters taking care of their mother with Alzheimer's disease, and then extending to long-term family care, the third layer is intergenerational relationship, and the outermost layer is the aging and death proposition that everyone has to face.
Yi Lin Comics, Take Care of Mother Left SlideMore &&&&
I remember
The night before his father's burial, the three sisters said goodbye to him separately. When she arrived, she found it difficult to talk to her father, her head was blank, and finally decided to paint in the way she was good at.
Before his death, his father always said that Yi Lin's drawings were not good, he did not like comics, he liked to be realistic, and that was exactly what Yi Lin rejected. After a few decades, the hidden wounds of childhood have resurfaced, and Yi Lin still wants to prove herself to her father and want to be recognized, so she decides to draw a sketch and leave his last appearance.
The lines fall on the paper, dissatisfied, erased; the new lines stretch out, dissatisfied, erased.
Can't draw it. Yi Lin collapsed. Holding the pen, I drew hard and smeared hard. Suddenly out of control, he fell on the side of the gentleman and cried.
In later days, Yi Lin began to paint his father.
I have been an illustrator for more than 20 years, but I have not been on the agenda before drawing my own parents. After the death of my father, in addition to the grief, I always feel that some vague emotions are piled up there, complaining, self-blame, or regret? One by one the knots tied to her heart in her childhood seemed to have no chance to unravel, and as if cathartically, she picked up the pen.
Painting became an outlet, and Yi Lin painted a lot in one breath. Paint the father teach his daughters to sing "I am a soldier", paint him mending shoes, mending pots, playing basketball, painting him making mistakes of his daughters kneel, writing reviews...
Once, when Yi Lin painted his parents performing on stage for the first time when they were young, his father and several uncles said three and a half sentences together, and his mother and several aunts knocked on the disc together, thinking it was funny, and showed it to their mother.
After the illness, the mother's appearance changed, she did not like to smile, the corners of her eyes were always hanging, looking fierce, and it seemed to be angry. But when she saw the two paintings, my mother suddenly grinned, wrinkles piled together, pulled Yi Lin and said: Guo (this), I still remember!
Yi Lin was pleasantly surprised and suddenly realized that perhaps painting could awaken her mother's memory and slow down the process of her brain atrophy. So, she went from painting her father to painting the things that the family experienced together, painting the folk songs of her parents when they were young, their love stories, the childhood of the three sisters... Mom, who had lost interest and patience with many things, responded only warmly to these things, pointing to the small pieces of paper and saying: I applaud you.
Yi Lin began to ask his mother to paint together, combing the veins of the past little by little. The memory of the mother who suffered from Alzheimer's disease was like an old bookcase, and the topmost book was slowly taken away, but the one pressed at the bottom was preserved.
One day after dinner, the family sat and chatted, Yi Lin asked his mother to talk about the three sisters when they were young, the old man thought about it and said: The old man is honest, the second is good and bad, and the third is good. Then laugh with my three daughters. Yi Lin suggested that her mother paint what they looked like when they were young. The old man had never learned to draw, but he picked up the pen with great confidence and determination, pressed the tip of the pen on the paper, and pushed it out without hesitation. In a few minutes, three small paintings were completed: the eldest was wearing a skirt with vertical stripes, and the third was holding a rag doll, except for the second, who was holding a clump of lines in his hand that could not be seen.
Yi Lin asked what was the painting, and the mother opened her fingers and closed them again: pinch the duck, the duck squeezes and rattles, you don't let go. Yi Lin remembered that this was once passing by the market and he had caught a duck. Asked again, is there anything else good to draw, and the mother said: No.
Later, these scenes were also drawn into the manga by Yi Lin, and after the publication of the new book, it was regarded by many readers as humorous moments in serious and heavy subjects. But for Yi Lin, lifting the painting up, there is an old wound at the bottom: the fact that she was not liked hurt her for many years.
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Picked up the child
Most of Yi Lin's childhood memories are about the countryside. At that time, because the nanny left, the parents decided to send their daughter to their grandmother's house. Sister Qingya disagreed and cried before they were separated, but Yi Lin adapted to life there and jumped around and had fun, so she became the one who was sent away.
The moon, dragonflies, wheelbarrows, and field paths with no head in sight. The joys of village life are real, but so is the lack of emotion. Parents became strangers, and sometimes, when they were playing outside, when they saw mom and dad coming, they ran back and hid in the bullpen. Those actions hid the little girl's huge heart: Yi Lin wanted to go with her parents, and she was afraid that they were not here to pick her up, and she was even more afraid of being picked up for a few days and then sent back. In order not to be rejected, simply pretend not to expect.
At the age of five or six, Yi Lin was taken back to his parents. When she was at her grandmother's house, she was still the little beast who laughed and got angry when she was happy, and her temper came up and rolled on the ground, but after returning home, because she was worried about being sent away again, she suddenly became cautious, did not laugh or make trouble, and did not roll, and listened to her parents chat with her ears open every day. The children went to pick up the wooden tip (the top of the tree, sawn down for firewood) to burn, the mother casually said that our children are still not strong enough, and yi lin ran to please the carpenter uncle the next day, so as to bring back more wood ti lump
The father was a soldier who liked to educate his children the way the troops did, and he rarely approved of it, and all the instructions demanded that they be absolutely executed: I did nothing right in front of him, even if I washed a dish, he thought I was wrong, to follow his way.
After the birth of her younger sister Xiaojing, Yi Lin's sense of loss became stronger. She was cute enough to be spoiled and won her dad more favoritism. The younger sister's learning to dance is supported, but Yi Lin's learning to draw is opposed; the younger sister returns from the door and her father also has to pick up, and Yi Lin once went home alone at three o'clock in the morning with his luggage. Many years later, when the sisters talk about their father, they will be surprised at the same time: Is the father we are talking about the same person?
The second brother basically belongs to the sandwich, the upper big sister is not in good health, and her parents have to take care of her; I belong to the small, then I have to let the small one. So she was somehow going to become very powerful. Xiao Shu recalls. Yi Lin's dissatisfaction gradually turned into jealousy of his sisters and sisters, and then vented in the form of bullying. She once came up with the idea to do bad things, let the eldest sister write a review and punish kneeling; she also once beat her sister, and Xiao Xuan still jokes and complains that the first slap she has ever suffered was the second sister's beating. But because of this, the second eldest who is not liked is even more disliked.
At that time, Yi Lin always listened to the people around him say: You picked it up, and your parents didn't like you. The uncles held their arms and crossed Erlang's legs, teasing and provoking a girl as a pastime after tea.
Yi Lin was angry, but tilted his head and went back: Mom and Dad don't like me, I still have my grandparents. Watching the lively people are not happy, continue to say: Your grandparents do not like you, otherwise how could they send you away.
Yi Lin stood in the middle of the crowd, tried his best to resist these slanders, and finally pretended to be vicious: don't like me, I like myself!
Unexpectedly, Dad was very happy to hear this sentence on the side, saying that Yi Lin had ambitions - this was one of the few recognitions she had received since she was growing up. The armor that was put on was considered to be really strong, and I could only hold back the tears. So, in the years that followed, Yi Lin spent a long time and a lot of energy trying to confirm and prove that he was loved.
When she was 11 years old, she also suffered from nephritis, the doctor stressed that she should be bedridden and could not walk, and her father carried her to the infirmary every day for injections. The road is not far, a few minutes to walk, Yi Lin is lying on his father's broad back, his eyes are shooting in all directions, always hoping to meet his teachers and classmates, hoping to be seen: I am carried and spoiled by my father!
Later, the three sisters grew up and left home, and the childhood injuries had no chance to heal and were shelved there. Sister Qingya returned to her hometown after working outside the country for a few years, and also went to Guangdong, and her sister Xiaojing went to Beijing. In decades, Yi Lin and her parents spent the longest time together for more than a month — she took her parents to live once in her home in Guangdong, and at other times, she didn't return home until the Spring Festival. Later, the family reunited in the father's spiritual hall.
Three sisters and their mother
reconciliation
In the process of painting with his mother, Yi Lin talked about her childhood self, the girl who was naughty in the eyes of her elders, like a boy, but also hid her sensitivity and vulnerability.
The mother said that when she was pregnant with yilin, people speculated that it would be a boy based on the size of the mother's belly, shape, walking posture and other signs. Hearing this, Yi Lin's decades of confusion have only been slightly solved - when a girl falls to the ground, the expectations in her parents' hearts are somewhat disappointed, so they consciously or unconsciously strengthen the imagination of boys in her. Throughout her childhood, her sister and sister had dolls, and her neighbors always had only a wooden gun; once she was scared by bugs and cried, and was beaten by her father for this.
After his sister was born, his father gave xiaojing almost all the favor and tenderness, but for Yi Lin, he hoped that she would be strong, hard, and able to carry things, and he also felt that she was strong enough and did not need to pay too much attention. In the mother's impression, Yi Lin has never loved the family, as for the claim that he picked up and was not liked, in the mother's view, it is to amuse the child, no big deal.
At the end of that day's painting, Yi Lin wrote: The previous generation was accustomed to a rough life, and they did not understand why I was suffering.
The circumstances of childhood have given Yi Lin and his sister a completely different personality. I saw Xiao Xuan on a thunderstorm night, 46-year-old with a pill head, wearing a suspender and exercise suit, she would suddenly raise her eyebrows because of the lightning, and she would suddenly cry when talking about my father, and my happiest thing was that my parents' protection of my "self" had never been broken. Xiao Jing is a modern dancer, and some of the students in the institutions where she teaches dance are special children. When rehearsing dances, she can keenly detect the abnormality of a child's emotions, and the two words she mentions the most are respect and acceptance. Probably, because of being loved, it seems easy to love others.
But the days when the sister was wrapped in warmth, the sister used the first half of her life to heal the wounds of childhood. Yi Lin had accompanied Xiao Shu to the class, and after the class, she threw a question and a statement: Why are you so receptive to them? I can't.
Until now, when the sisters communicated, Xiao Yun was inclined to take it out and say it, but Yi Lin would suddenly block it and then offer to go downstairs for a walk. When she was a child, her parents did not accept the part of her, which became a part of her personality, so she could only digest it independently. Whether you want to or not, those things really exist in your body, and they circulate throughout your life, Xiao Shu said. After the second sister became a recorder, she did some reconciliation and healing with her father and childhood. I don't think it's unforgive, she just goes back to that moment, understands some things, and then puts them down.
Today's Yi Lin is extremely thin, the arms thrown on the sides of the cheongsam are almost as thin as the twisted braids thrown on the sides of the neck, and the once sensitive little girl has reached the year of destiny, her voice is soft, and her waist is straight. In those days when she picked up the paintbrush with her mother, she saw a line that strung together the embarrassing, the painful, the glorious, bit by bit, and made herself the person she is now. Those who had once been nostalgic, painted down, as if they could finally breathe a sigh of relief, no big deal.
In April this year, the three sisters returned to their hometown to visit their father's grave together. At that time, "I Remember" had not yet been published, and Yi Lin returned with a sample book and wanted to tell his father, but standing in front of the tomb, he still couldn't say a word.
If she hadn't seen it with her own eyes, it would have been hard for Her to imagine how difficult it would be for Yi Lin to do something that was very easy for her. When the sister Qingya and the younger sister Xiaoxin respectively told their father about their thoughts and recent situations, Yi Lin could not speak for a long time, and then directly knelt there and cried - from childhood to adulthood, Yi Lin was the hardest one in the eyes of the family, when watching the TV series, Xiao Yu had already broken up, and Yi Lin would never cry, but after the death of his father, the gap between the two generations was slowly filled with tears.
Before leaving, my sister wrote a book about our family, and Xiao Yun said it to her father.
"I Remember"
Trapped parents
In Yi Lin's comics, the father is always tall and burly, with a straight waist. He is a veteran of the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Korea, he has been strong and hard all his life, he rarely gets sick, he walks with wind and fire, he hates a person's moldy (listless) appearance the most, in winter, the cool wind pours into the neck, but once he sees his daughters shrinking and walking, the father will immediately frown, shouting behind his back with his hands behind his back: Look up and straighten your chest!
But in the twilight of his life, his waist never stood up again. For a long time, because of physical pain and restless sleep, my father had to sit in a wheelchair all night and keep watching the time. Back in the hospital bed, because of the low back pain, I always want to lie down, sit up, and adjust my posture. In the last period of time, he could not even sit on his own, the most basic skill, and needed his daughter to push him up and put his shoulders behind his back to barely sit for a while.
When he was sick and hospitalized, the father resisted everything that symbolized the loss of physical function, refused to ask for a nurse, refused to use a wheelchair, refused to let his daughter scrub his body, and refused to help him pick up urine.
At that time, my father's whole body was puffy, breathing was difficult, and he was trembling just by standing up, but he still insisted on bending down to take the urinal pot and pick up the urine by himself. Because his hands were shaking, urine would accidentally spill on his clothes and sheets, but he always insisted on lying on it, and then covered it with a quilt, and the whole room was filled with the smell of urine. The daughters wanted to help him clean, and the father yelled: I don't want you here!
Not long after, the nurse noticed the abnormality and criticized the three daughters: if you get pressure sores, you will be in trouble! Then he lifted his father's quilt and said, "They are all your own daughters, what are you afraid of?" Yi Lin saw that the father frowned, closed his eyes, and tilted his head to one side.
In Yi Lin's impression, he talked about his going to the battlefield, and the daughters asked, are you afraid, he stood up and said, not afraid. At the time, he was ready to sacrifice for his country; but decades later, when he was facing normal aging and death, he was at a loss.
Father in the comics
Under the impact, the proposition of meaning for the first time jumped out of the experience of life in the near future fifty years: if life is too weak to be controlled, what is the meaning of living?
At the same time, the father was damaged by heart failure and trapped in space; the mother was damaged by Alzheimer's disease and was trapped in time. But consciously or not, dignity is consumed by disease.
In addition to the emotional indifference, the mother's behavior also appeared abnormal. When she was young, she loved beauty, embroidered, knitted, and made clothes, and also made beautiful tablecloths and curtains for her home. She is even a little conservative, often telling her daughters to smile and not show their teeth, and they can't walk in their skirts. But when the disease slowly erased her emotions and memories, those cultivations, self-esteem and shame disappeared with them.
The daughters found that as soon as it was hot, her mother sat on the couch in shorts and shirtless; she began to like to prick her nose with her fingers and smear her nose on a railing, tablecloth, or chair; when she went to the toilet, she had already taken off her pants before she went to the bathroom, even if there were guests sitting not far away.
The mother seems to be constantly in a state of uneasiness, always needing her daughter's arrangement, and it is difficult to do anything for more than five minutes. The conversations at home are often —
What do I do now? You can draw.
After the painting is finished, I have to do something (I didn't). You can read a book.
After reading it, what do you do? What do you want to do? I don't know.
……
Yi Lin took her mother to paint for a while, but her mother quickly lost interest; sister Xiao Yun danced with her mother, and before long, her mother also became irritable; sister Qingya took her to play a finger game that trained the brain, such as a shot to beat four birds, thumb and little thumb, etc., which was stopped after a short time; remembering that her mother liked to knit before, the daughters coaxed her to knit a scarf for each of us as an heirloom, and her mother was very interested, but soon, she was reluctant to knit.
Later, the mother turned on the infinite cycle mode, walking around the house every day, day or night, and whether the daughters were asleep or not. kick...... trample...... kick...... trample...... Toilet. kick...... trample...... kick...... trample...... lie down. kick...... trample...... kick...... trample...... Turn on the lights. kick...... trample...... kick...... trample...... Move the chair. Yi Lin said that she was like a little girl in a fairy tale wearing magical red dancing shoes and couldn't stop.
The mother, who had nothing to do, began to sigh. Yi Lin asked her: How much pain or happiness do you have in this life? Mother said: Happy more. But expressionless, indifferent. Yi Lin sighed: How happy it is to have the ability to feel happiness. Unfortunately, Mom seems to be gradually losing this ability.
For a time, the mother's appetite suddenly became exuberant, like a child who did not know hunger, waiting to eat every moment of the day: after eating breakfast at eight o'clock, and preparing for lunch at nine o'clock; the happiest thing was to eat, and the most commonly said sentence became that I was hungry; slowly, the mother stole the raw pumpkin in the refrigerator, and the whole bowl of raw mushrooms.
Once, my sister Qingya went downstairs to throw garbage, met a former colleague, and made small talk. Rest assured that the mother at home, while chatting can not help but look at the monitoring, the mother appeared in the picture, opened the freezer layer of the refrigerator, took out the wontons, stuffed them into the mouth... Once upon a time, when she found her mother eating raw pumpkins and mushrooms, Qingya would still be angry and confused, but when she saw her mother eating raw wontons, she smiled and said that it was not delicious, and she walked over and hugged her mother: I suddenly felt that my mother was not the mother I used to be.
A while ago, Yi Lin and a young friend chatted about Alzheimer's disease, talked about emotion, the friend suddenly sighed: a person is really like a tree, we will have a lot of delusions and delusions when we are young, think I work hard to increase a lot of leaves, do this, do that, but in fact, who you are This thing is just a lot of memories, over time, the leaves will continue to fall, will leave some, throw away some, beautify some, hide some... It feels quite nihilistic, quite fragile.
Some time later, the movie "Father Trapped in Time" was released, and at the end of the film, the protagonist who suffered from Alzheimer's disease leaned into the arms of the nurse: my leaves seemed to have fallen out, the wind and rain wrapped around my branches, I... I don't have a place to live anymore.
The two words of meaning once again appeared in Yi Lin's head: If one day it becomes an ignorant, unconscious, painless, and fearless life, what is the meaning of living?
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outlet
Before the father left, he spent more than 20 days in the hospital, with three daughters with him until the father left. But the mother's illness is different, and the escort is more like a long war.
After the death of their father, the three sisters lived together at home for a while. The sister has her own dance teaching facility in Beijing and needs to go back to class; the sister has lived with her parents for a long time, and it seems more natural to take care of her. The most anxious person is yi neighbor. She works as an illustrator and has relatively free time, but unlike the previous generation, the traditional concepts of filial piety and sending her to the elderly have been replaced by a more independent sense of self, and responsibility can no longer bind her and her parents.
When accompanying his mother, Yi Lin is often impatient. On the one hand, it is the wear and tear of the mother's disease, and on the other hand, it is the encroachment of the ego's time. One day, she accompanied her mother to the community to paint plants, and without drawing a few strokes, her mother threw the book in front of her daughter. Yi Lin patiently explained to her that painting can delay brain atrophy, and her mother did not know whether she understood it or not, took a look at her, and then grabbed the pen to draw a few times at random, and threw it over: finish painting. And with a bit of provocation. Yi Lin was aggrieved in his heart, and forcefully suppressed the small flame to explain that he and his sister were one in the south and one in the north, and the sister was not in good health, if the mother's illness did not take measures, the consequences were very serious... But her mother still stared blankly at her, without any expression. Yi Lin collapsed.
It happened that there was a job to come to me, and Yi Lin left with his luggage. At that moment, she breathed a long sigh of relief.
Yi Lin chatted with her friend Hu Bingshuang, the author of "Dialogue with the Disease", and the general practitioner told her: Taking care of the elderly is helping yourself. You can greatly improve your abilities. It is difficult for Yi Lin to understand, if the ability specifically refers to learning how to help the elderly to defecate, bathe, and turn over, what is the use for themselves? What I need is the ability to deal with the picture well, and the ability to tell a thing accurately.
Psychologist Lu Xiaoya's mother, who is also an Alzheimer's patient, said in an interview with the media that she had the same trouble: I am not a saint, I can't stand this kind of idleness, pretending to be patient, chicken to duck, endless companionship. I want to read, I want to write, I want to prepare lessons, I want to have a spiritual exchange... Why would I sacrifice my creativity for someone who is spiritually desolate?
But between the individual and the responsibility, there are also two words of emotion, which make the neighbor inevitably sway. For a long time, Yi Lin did travel painting, but after her mother fell ill, because of the psychological burden, she never traveled again: with this time, why not accompany her mother. You can only let yourself be embarrassed by impatience and guilt.
At that time, there was also a diaphragm between the three sisters. The boss watched the second and third elders achieve results in their respective fields, but they could not go anywhere, they could not do anything, inferiority, and resentment, but always habitually hid their emotions, when the sisters put forward the suggestion of taking care of their mother, she would gamble back to a sentence that there was no way to do it, and then let the topic stop there.
The second elder once accused the third elder: Don't think that if you give money, you can not look at your mother. In fact, the third old entrepreneurial institution is going through a critical period, the partner temporarily withdrew due to childbirth, and Xiao Jing wanted to handle all affairs alone. I thought I could get my sister's support and understanding, but I received resentment and it was difficult to resolve it for a long time.
When the relationship between the three sisters is the most tense, if the eldest sister sends a message, the two sisters are busy and do not see it immediately, miss the best time to reply, they will become very anxious, worried that the eldest sister will have other ideas. The eldest sister, Qingya, has accumulated emotions together, sometimes erupting when taking care of her mother, and then falling into self-blame and guilt, physically and mentally exhausted.
To a certain extent, Yi Lin's cartoons and writing have found an outlet for family relationships.
Later, she was confirmed when she read "The Courage to Face a Long-Ill Family". Writing is an important tool for us to overcome adversity and frustration. By regularly documenting the experience of caregiving, we can gain new perspectives and insights.
In past media reports, many accomparators of Alzheimer's patients have chosen to write. An old man named Yang Weixiang wrote more than ten diaries in the process of accompanying his wife, although the content was only to buy vegetables and eat, but only these moments made him feel that he was still himself; Lu Xiaoya began to write when she had an emotional breakdown, and put anxiety into "Mother to Mother"; another lady named Nie Xiaohua compiled the diary of accompanying her sick mother for fifteen years into a book: "Parting ways: Accompanying My Mother's Diary", she said in an interview: It seems that only by insisting on recording in this way can I jump out of helpless despair. Pull away from yourself and suffering, keep a little peace of mind... Smearing the pain on the paper, the mind seems to gain some relief from it.
To face the mother again, there is less irritability of being consumed and encroached upon, and there is patience to pour more time into it. In the comic, the trivial matters of the sister taking care of her mother are all drawn, and Qingya realizes that her labor and dedication are seen and recognized, and her mentality slowly eases down. When they got together, the three sisters took care of their mother together; at other times, the division of labor gradually became clear. In the sister group, sister Qingya said that what changes have occurred to her mother, Yi Lin will immediately check the information, or go to the dementia group to ask for experience, and then give advice. The younger sister, XiaoJing, is the best of the sisters, and she is responsible for appeasing the two sisters emotionally and emotionally.
Slowly forgetting the pain also counteracts some of the fear. Instead of focusing on the "disease", we pull away and then solve one problem after another. Yi Lin said that writing provides a perspective and a method to turn the powerlessness and fear of life and suffering into observation and thinking about them; she passes such a method on to her sister and sister, and the specific consumption and loss become the heartache of the patient after withdrawal; the companion finds self-worth outside the role of companionship, and obtains spiritual enrichment and growth.
While taking care of her mother, her sister Qingya was on the verge of an emotional breakdown
Return the same way
Originally, they thought that after decades of leaving home, they had severed the connection with their parents, but during the time of accompanying their parents through their old age, they once again incorporated family affection into an important position in their lives. Sister Xiaoxuan said: Watching the pain and struggle of your parents, watching their lives disappear little by little, when our feelings rise to the perspective of the ups and downs of life, it will be full of pity and warmth, at that moment you want to give everything you have, so that he can remember that at this moment, he is loved.
For a while, the mother became very silent, and the daughters racked their brains to chat with her, and they could only nod and shake their heads, but the only question, when asked, could be exchanged for a serious answer from the mother -
What's the proudest thing you've ever done in your life?
It's just giving birth to you three girls!
At some moments, Yi Lin suddenly felt that he was like his mother now, wearing red dancing shoes and walking all the time, unable to stop. But disease, as part of life, is more like a gap, allowing people to stop, through it, to see aging and death, and then to see life itself.
Yi Lin remembered that when they were young, the family had the habit of walking after dinner, and when the sky turned dark a little, they stopped, turned around, and went home along the same road. After the publication of the new book, Dr. Hu Bingshuang made a preface, in which she wrote: Today, it seems that we are traveling at high speed, and it seems that we are gradually drifting away from the road. So, can we find the coordinates again and return to the same way?
Those meaning propositions that constantly jump out also gradually have answers in the process of returning to the same path. Xiao Xuan said: Thinking about meaning and value is fruitless, it is constantly sublimating. It will permeate how you treat your family and how you treat your life. Keep exploring, get to this point to know what you're going to encounter, and what's waiting for you in front of you. Also because there is no standard answer, the process is wonderful. Yi Lin has the same feeling: the process of thinking about meaning is meaning itself.
Yi Lin wrote in his diary: All the beauty has receded to the back of the memory, greeted by the heaviness of responsibility, it seems that middle age is indeed the stage of accepting the beating of the years, and the work I am doing now is to push everything in the past to the stage with everyone, so that at least we can have a little more ability to resist the beating.
The storm continues. She picked up the fallen leaves and made them into specimens. One of them, sandwiched on page 313 of the book: That day, Yi Lin stood on the balcony with his sister and mother looking at the stars, and her mother suddenly pointed to the night sky, and some trivial sentences popped out word by word, interspersed together, like a poem—
Look, the moon is out most of the way.
There were still stars twinkling in the sky over there.
If you look outside, you can see the stars in the sky.
You look at the house opposite, layer by floor.
There is light in every layer.
Look at the moon