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In the blink of an eye, it was thirty-six years old, and I was living day after day, year after year. Late at night, I wanted to find someone to chat with, but I just wanted to talk and stop. Looking back and forth at the dynamics of friends and strangers in the circle of friends, wondering if their lives are also a chicken feather.
Probably at a certain age, I will think back to the past, think about some people and some things in those years, ignorant of the beautiful... And also......
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In the second half of the first semester of junior high school, a boy came to the class, clean, not to say what feelings, just a little like. He sat behind me, and I would always sneak an eye on him. I don't know when it started, he liked to eat my breakfast--a roasted golden bun. At that time, there were no snacks, no pocket money, and there was really nothing to eat except fragrant grilled buns.
Every morning I would give him the roasted bun that my mother gave me, and I was especially satisfied when I watched him eat very deliciously. Later, many days later, I also wanted to eat, but I was afraid that my mother would ask about it, so I had to bake two black steamed buns every morning, but he said it was still delicious.
At that time, it was particularly popular to send postcards between classmates, which could be exchanged for cards in the hands of classmates or given to their favorite classmates. Not surprisingly, he received many cards from female classmates, and now that I think about it, I deliberately snubbed him for a long time at that time, so much so that he asked me: Why did my classmates send me cards, but you didn't send them? And I thought to myself: Why don't you give it to me? I remember the next day, I bought a set of postcards and sent them out, but there was no one for him. It was also after that time that we stopped playing and making noise as before, and my roast buns were no longer in school. I'm back to being that woman again
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In the third year of junior high school, there were two repeat students in the class, and the boys at the bully level heard that it was a point of failure in the examination room. When I first entered the class, the teacher took special care of them, pulling up a cordon between good students and bad students, which made me a scum of learning daunted. The seats arranged for me by the teacher, all the top three in the front and back, plus a class flower, let me want to talk and can't find anyone, I can only study, the score from 33 in the class to 16. It is also because of the class flower that I have a connection with these two school masters.
At that time, my biggest advantage was probably that my popularity was good, because one of the school bullies who was particularly good at chatting liked the class flowers, and I was with the class flowers every day, so they were familiar with each other. He gave the class flower answers during the exam, and he would also carry me, but the other quiet bully always followed him, but he rarely saw him chatting with a girl, always playing with boys.
After class, a group of female classmates sat together and chatted, and one female classmate happened to be his tablemate. She asked us to guess which girl in the class he thought was the most beautiful, and the female classmates all agreed that it was the class flower, and after she denied it, they guessed one by one, which was not right. The female classmate was very anxious and pointed at me, it was you! In an instant, no one spoke, and then the class bell rang, and no one mentioned the topic again. Occasionally, when I was bored in class, I lay on the table, straightened up and stretched my waist, and when I turned back inadvertently, I happened to run into him looking at me, he panicked and looked down at the book, and I turned my head and smiled.
Once I was looking at a notebook in class and was found confiscated by the teacher, I felt embarrassed at once. The middle teacher gave the students who were studying well at the door of the classroom for a meeting, and I especially wanted to sneak it over, but still didn't. He was the first to enter the classroom after the meeting, and I was surprised to run quickly to the podium and take the notebook away. When the teacher found out that it was missing, he was furious and asked who had taken it and handed it over, and I was a little schadenfreude at that time, wanting to see how the teacher would react when he knew that it was his favorite student. He lowered his head and brought the notebook to the podium, and the teacher did not speak. In my heart, he was the teacher's proud protégé, and even talking to him felt an offense... Now that I think about it, I'll still laugh. At that time, my ignorance was really beautiful, and sometimes I would think stupidly, if he said he liked me, would I be fierce and study hard to get into a good school?
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After graduating from junior high school, I dropped out of school at home, and later went to my second aunt's bathhouse to sell tickets and began a part-time career. Every day is very boring, and it is very boring to chat without peers, until I meet a boy who appears. Every once in a while, he and his friends would come to the second aunt's restaurant for dinner, and then we would talk a little bit intentionally or unintentionally. In the past, I thought about when he would come next, but when he saw him, he still didn't say anything. After a long time like this, the girl who worked in the barber shop in front of me pressed the road at night, just met him, and the deer in his heart collided, and he chatted with us and slipped around on the road before leaving. I was excited to go back for a long time, and I looked forward to seeing him next time.
Instead, another boy broke into my life, I was 17 years old and he was 16 years old. He always annoyed me, but I could see him every day, I talked to him every day, I wished he would disappear from my eyes at once, and every point of his made me not like it. Talking to the girl who works at the barbershop, we say who would like someone like him is really blind, and indeed, his mouth is so damaged. In front of the two girls, he said that he liked the girl, because the people were gentle, and by the way, he carried me again, but he was scolded by people for a dog blood sprinkler. Later, I learned that he and the boy I liked were cousins, and I would unconsciously compare the two of them, and I hated him even more.
Time goes by day by day, and I and the boy I like are like two parallel lines, but I get along with this stunned person every day. He is still as damaged as ever, when he is angry, I will not talk, no matter how much he provokes me, I will ignore him, and slowly he will not damage me when he feels bored. I don't know when it started, the girl said that the two of us were like happy enemies, and unconsciously waited for him to talk to me every day. Until one day he suddenly said he liked me, I looked disdainful, and he teased me again!
My aunt's cousin was only a few months older than me, and we often discussed the two of them together and never liked him. I said sarcastically to my cousin: He likes me?! and wants to hurt me, shouldn't he spend money for her if he likes a girl? The next time he showed up in front of us with two chicken legs, my cousin told him what I said. I nibbled on the chicken leg and thought does he like me? Probably not.
One day after the bathhouse closed, many of us chatted in the bathhouse, I went to take a shower, the clothes were not yet dressed, only to hear him call my name and break in, holding what looked like chicken legs. I shouted for him to get out, and he flashed out at once. I was particularly depressed, especially afraid that his big mouth would not know what to say, and the next day he acted as if nothing had happened. Many days later, he said, I didn't mean it, I never said I was afraid of your embarrassment. For an instant, he didn't seem to be so annoying anymore. I overlooked a problem that I didn't notice at the time, and I didn't expect the guy I liked every day to show up like before.
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I had a hot pot with the others with my favorite boy, and it was the first time I had eaten hot pot, and I didn't know that there was a fire to eat. He unblocked me, it's okay, I'll know if I eat it a few more times later. At that time, I couldn't express myself, and whoever I talked to was a rush, he would tell others, don't tease her, be careful that the beer bottle on the other side flew over.
In a daze, Qing said to me, the two of them bet to see who would catch me first. I just learned that he liked me. But why didn't he just say it to me? As long as he opened his mouth, I promised.
It was hard to look forward to him coming, and he said quietly, you will definitely choose him, because his family has money. For an instant, I was sure that he wasn't the kind I liked, and if so, how could I be measured by that? What's more, the person I like doesn't have to wait for him all the time and wait for him to say he likes me.
…… …… ……
Later, when I didn't leave my second aunt's house, no one said anything. Just folded a jar of lucky stars for my cousin and asked her to hand it over to him, just as a farewell to a boy I liked. But in my heart, I thought about it for a while.
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For the next year or two, the three of us didn't have any connection, no intersection.
On the day I went to work in the town store, I was sitting at the cash register chatting with customers, laughing, when several motorcycles stopped in front of the store, and he came down from the sky with a few friends. He asked me about the phone number in the shop, and I answered no, and he asked if there was a phone on the table? I can't give. He said he was going to go as a soldier and come and see me. I was still talking and rushing, and he took his friend away. Customers ask, is your boyfriend? I said no. "Then why are you so red?!" I realized that my face was very red and my heart was beating.
He waited until he was a soldier before he contacted me from the army. Calling me every week, without the awkwardness of meeting, I prefer that. We wrote letters almost every week, and that's his initiative, and he chased after me. At that time, I was very happy every day, just heard the postman's bicycle ringing and shouted my name to say your letter! I'll run out as fast as I can.
I was 19 years old and he was 18 years old. I could only see him in my eyes, not any of the boys around me showing favor to me. I decided, I'm going to wait for him, wait for him to come back and marry me.