Outside the window, the leaves are rattling in the breeze, the birds are chirping, the occasional sound of raindrops falling to the ground, the symphony of nature through every gap in the house, the sound of hitting my eardrums, the beauty of the soul suddenly came into being. They are pervasive, hitting the coolness, compared to the slight coolness of the night, the former has a completely different recipe, but it is like a pair of twin brothers, less thorough, more warm. The sun is looming from time to time, it is a trick played by clouds and the sun, and nature holds the brush in hand, leaving a free-will performance art in the gaps between the leaves and the blank space of the bay window, and I am both an audience and a participant.
embrace
At eight o'clock in the morning, the night shift ended on time, I bought two pancakes for breakfast, the same as yesterday's match, the difference is that the time is more than a few minutes to wait for the details of the adjustment, like a slight gap between two leaves, for the huge memory torrent, such a scene is equally covered, the difference is negligible. No matter what kind of washing method is used, the greasy feeling caused by staying up late still cannot be completely removed, and even the teeth will produce a noticeable feeling of looseness, I can't tell whether this feeling comes from fantasy or reality, but it obviously forms a definite memory, so that it is déjà vu. Joint pain, brain swelling, like a patient infected by a virus, the whole body is filled with a heterogeneous feeling, you have to take a hot bath to save, otherwise you don't know what kind of abyss you will slide into.
Sometimes, I have an excessive sense of curiosity about people's hobbies, some people like cars, some people like makeup, some people like to buy luxury goods, some people like to travel, some people like to drink a cup of light tea, some people like to drink a pot of old wine, people are always fluttering in their hobbies. There are thousands of worlds, there are no wonders, as long as you can think of this kind of thing, some people will like it, and its tentacles are all over the world of reality and thought. This kind of liking is not just a pure sensory experience that floats on the surface without content, it often induces people to constantly explore the mind, so that it reaches a depth that can be called talking. Even in games, there are not many people like me who have a special love for NBA 2K games, and such a simple feeling has been in my world for 14 years, at least in the circle I can reach. It gave me a deep feeling, like a memory of a past life, a wonderful fit stored in DNA. For the hour it occupied, I was in a state of isolation from reality, and it was a wonderful experience to explore a separate planet. Its role is more than just a game, it has evolved into an independent way of life. I pioneered habitats on separate planets, like a lonely laborer, like Matt Damon, who had been left behind on Mars.
Hobbies are like shells, and they are strange
The weather forecast said that there would be heavy rain at 16 o'clock, but looking at the still bright sky outside the window and the joy of the birds, such a forecast may have a lot of error, suddenly remembered a news that China is the most accurate weather forecast in the world, do not know whether such news is accurate, but the error of this kind of thing has been stubborn existence, prediction or news, can not be avoided. Folk songs are played one after another in the music software, and lately I have been very fond of this music form, and there is no monotonous fatigue at all. I've been connected to rap, folk, and electronic music, all of which temper my emotions in different mood contexts. Rap is crazy, folk songs are quiet, electric sounds are restless, and the demons in my brain are dancing like a chaotic warlord war.
My son's cough lasted for a long time, especially at night when he went to bed. My mother-in-law urged me to go to a decent clinic, and I rode my son on an electric car to a community clinic near my sister's house, which was said to be a decent place. The son has been disgusted with drinking medicine since he was a child, and the family has bought a lot, but the purpose of treatment has never been successfully achieved, and most of them have been reduced to a toy facing expiration, with an unopened original setting. The doctor followed my advice and applied two pairs of plasters to the sides of my son's elbow socket, a total of 65 pieces, almost catching up with my income for a working day. Coming out of the hospital, we went to my sister's house by the way, and when we met, we learned that my little nephew was caught in a bloody blur when he sat in the child car yesterday, and finally saw the emergency department in the People's Hospital, and it cost four or five hundred yuan to treat the wound with a slight fracture. Money for us are more sensitive topics, the sister's family income mainly comes from the brother-in-law at night to drive a dump truck to pull the earth to earn, a car of 10 yuan, brother-in-law's normal work a night income is 300 yuan, this time spent nearly two days of income, said that no flesh pain is hypocritical, coupled with the pain on the child's body, double pain can be imagined as strong, deep into the bone marrow. Sadly, we were both in a bad financial situation, with my sister's family running on a credit card to make ends meet, while I struggled with a loan. Our life is full of the smell of powerlessness, but my sister's family is united, full of harmony and warmth, and I am only a lonely, sad guy.
The dawn of life
I watched the numbers on my phone keep moving forward, almost four hours before my son finished school. Since my son went to school, there have been obvious blank spots in my life, not so much blank areas, I think it is more appropriate to describe holes, holes that cannot be filled, holes that are bottomless. This loss was in opposition to the excitement of past expectations, and a sense of nothingness began to pile up in my brain. If numbers are not invented, then how to quantify the sense of the passage of time, if there is no words, how do we build the temple of the spiritual world. Time always maintains an ancient rhythm, unhurried, and our existence is like a grain of dust, insignificant. A cry of all our might in our world is nothing more than the sparkle of the sun shining on the dust in the dimension of time, fleeting without leaving a trace. The far reaches we have exhausted all our lives have reached are nothing more than a journey through nothingness.
Climbers
At this moment, I am thinking about how to end this seemingly disorganized text. A passage appeared in my brain: the nothingness in the time dimension does not change the meaning of fate for the ego, and I have never given up the will to save myself. I would like to appeal to words to make my nerves thicker; I would like to treat my family and friends with all my kindness; 'I would like to fill the void of the soul with all my enthusiasm, even if it cannot be restored to its original state, as long as it is filled in continuously, the echo it brings will become clearer and clearer, that is, the sound of fate, which can defeat all the blows of nothingness and haze. It provides a steady stream of spiritual strength to my persistence, I walk alone in the wilderness, but I am not obsessed with prosperity, I live, in my own way against all the cruelty and pain.